I’ve finally reached my limit and want to make a clean break with someone. Every time we meet, he makes plans with me as far as four months in advance.
When it’s that far ahead, I don’t have a good reason to decline, and since I already have plans booked up to three months from now, it’s hard to just block him.
I’m willing to put up with meeting him for the dates we’ve already agreed on, but I hate the thought of seeing him when he keeps booking more and more dates beyond that.
When he tries to make plans four months ahead the next time we meet, can anyone suggest a good way to turn him down—or a way to quietly disappear?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
You sound tired of this arrangement.
If you want to end things, I think it’s best to simply say, “I’m tired, so I’d like to end our arrangement.” Since there must have been enjoyable times as well, you could add, “Thank you for everything up to now.” That should be enough.
This kind of relationship generally has an ending. As they say, “All’s well that ends well!”
Let’s reset and start fresh for now.
I think your papa (a male supporter) would accept that if you put it that way. That’s what relationships through a dating club are like, in my opinion.
Paper Airplane, it’s been a while!
I fondly remember exchanging messages with you through the column. Actually, we’re still seeing each other (lol).
She’s become such a mature, wonderful woman now that I sometimes think, “Isn’t it about time?” But she says, “I’m going to keep going for a while yet!” (lol)
I’ll get in touch again if anything changes.
I look forward to staying in touch. I’d love to meet up sometime (lol).
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I believe the basic role of a papa (a male supporter) is to meet a woman whenever, however, and as often as she wants, so I’m sorry, but I don’t know a good way to turn her down.
I hope this will be helpful when dealing with your next papa.
Some papas may feel that by giving an allowance, they’re there to fulfill the woman’s wishes—including her unreasonable demands. Others may feel that giving an allowance entitles them to have their own wishes—including their unreasonable demands—fulfilled.
The former and the latter differ not only in how they try to read between the lines, but also in what they focus on satisfying; their perspectives are almost completely opposite.
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The basic principle of civil law is that promises should be kept. However, civil law also allows the parties to cancel an agreement if both sides consent.
If you want to end things, I think it would be best to stop making any new arrangements and explain why.
Once you explain your reasons, you’ll probably need to discuss what to do about the arrangements you’ve already made. If you feel comfortable keeping those commitments, you could continue meeting until they’re fulfilled. If not, you could decide that this meeting—or the next one—will be your last.
That said, if you tell him the next meeting will be the last, he may act differently because he knows it’s the final time—for example, secretly filming you or violating your boundaries. So I think it’s better to tell him your reasons and stop meeting from then on.
Also, meeting in person to discuss it could make things more complicated, so I recommend telling him by LINE or another messaging app. If you plan to keep the meetings you’ve already agreed to, speaking in person may be better since you’ll be seeing him again anyway.
Breaking things off can potentially lead to trouble, so it’s best to do it carefully. But if you feel you can’t continue, I think you should firmly end the relationship.
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Isn’t it hard to go through with the appointments you already have booked? (´nωn`)
I thought, “I can’t do this anymore!” After giving it a lot of thought, I’ve decided that ending things is probably best.
I’m not even factoring in the money I would’ve gotten in the short term. I’m priceless, so it’s not worth forcing myself to go when it’s this painful.
It’ll be tough, but it also opens up space for someone better to come along, right? (*´³`*)
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You don’t necessarily have to honor your promises so strictly in this kind of arrangement. Rather than waiting four months, you could simply say something came up, cancel the next meeting, and block him. If you wait until the last minute, he may already have booked a hotel or restaurant, making it more likely that he’ll get angry, so I think it’s better to do it sooner.
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I think you should simply say, “I don’t want to make plans that far in advance. I don’t want to meet.”
If you can’t bring yourself to say that, it’s okay to cut off contact.
You’re being overly conscientious about something strange here—papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t exactly a serious or formal activity to begin with. Even if you cancel tomorrow’s appointment at the last minute, the man probably won’t think much of it.
If the woman gives him a clear, definite refusal, it’s easier for him to move on and offer to meet someone else.
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