I have a papa (a male supporter) I’ve been seeing on a monthly arrangement for over four years.
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No matter how close we become, I still consider it a transactional relationship through a dating club, so I never share personal information such as my real name, address (I’ve only told him a general area, such as the ward I live in), or company name (I’ve only mentioned the general industry), regardless of how many years we’ve known each other.
Some men have persistently wanted to know these things or even asked to make copies of my ID, but naturally, I ended up parting ways with them.
For the gentlemen here: do you want to know the personal information of a monthly partner you’ve been seeing for a relatively long time?
And for the women: how much personal information do you share with your papa?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I think it really depends on how the other person feels.
“Keeping a comfortable distance” means something different to everyone.
If sharing some personal information helps us get closer, I’ll do that. But if revealing personal details becomes uncomfortable, I won’t.
That’s just me.
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I think that’s perfectly fine. The fact that it’s lasted four years is proof enough, I suppose.
In my opinion, there’s no need to change your basic approach.
Regardless of how much actual harm it may cause, personal information is far more exposed than most people realize.
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Looking at the answers here, there seem to be two patterns: some people naturally share personal information with each other, while others keep their identities anonymous and maintain a strongly transactional relationship. If anything, I think the latter is more common.
So I used that to my advantage and was fairly open about my personal information. I figured that if I shared information that a typical papa-katsu woman wouldn’t, a papa might be more likely to think, “She’s a good person—I can trust her.”
That said, I’ve also had plenty of bad experiences. And in the first place, if your appearance or personality isn’t your papa’s type, the arrangement probably won’t continue.
If you can sense what each papa is looking for and provide it, they’ll continue seeing you even if you don’t share personal information. It sounds to me like you’re able to do exactly that.
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Even with someone I’m close to—or would like to become closer to—I don’t feel the need to learn more personal information than necessary. I don’t mind if they tell me things, of course, but I don’t want to share more of my own personal information than necessary either. That said, if we’re going to deepen the relationship, I’d at least like to know their real first name.
Also, depending on what you consider personal information, if someone is too vague about too many things during conversation, it often becomes difficult to keep the conversation going in the first place. As a result, I usually lose interest in continuing the relationship.
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I don’t want to take any risks with a transactional relationship, so even though I’ve had a regular papa for over four years, I don’t know where he works or lives, and I make sure he doesn’t know that information about me either.
For our dates, I only know roughly where he lives in relation to the nearest station and which station is closest to his workplace. I have a vague idea of what industry he works in, too.
It probably depends on the man.
Men who were involved in mistress-type relationships before the term papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) even existed might be more likely to know where she lives or provide her with an apartment, though.
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I think more men would prefer to know personal information, but we’re all adults, so there are also plenty of people who are fine with it if the other person doesn’t want to share.
That said, if someone asks you to tell them, I think it’s natural for them to want to know more about you while you’re seeing each other—even if the relationship is financially based.
Some people may also use it as a gauge of how much the other person trusts them.
That doesn’t mean you need to share anything you don’t want to, though, and I don’t think you need to investigate what everyone else is doing.
Besides, if this question reveals that most people do share their information, would you then start sharing yours from now on?
If you have no intention of changing anything regardless of the answers, then it just seems like a survey driven by curiosity.
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I don’t want to ask for or share personal information either, so I’ve continued arrangements for years with people like you.
Is there really any benefit to knowing someone’s personal information?
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With the ones who stayed in my life for over a year, I naturally came to know their address and occupation without even asking. I also shared that information about myself pretty quickly.
I find the kind of transactional relationship you describe rather lonely.
Around Christmas, for example, we’ll pick up some takeout and watch the M-1 Grand Prix at my place. That’s the kind of relationship we have.
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I prefer to avoid risks too, so even with girls I’ve been seeing for a long time, I only share about as much information as the company name and address. Since it goes both ways, I don’t ask them either.
That said, if she works for a major company, station names or industry-related details usually come up in conversation, so you can eventually make an educated guess.
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Thanks for your hard work.
I think there are all kinds of arrangements—transactional relationships, intimate relationships, special relationships, and so on.
You don’t necessarily need to know these things, but if it develops into a genuine relationship, it’s natural to learn each other’s real names, jobs, homes, and workplaces early on, and even be invited there. If you ever have the chance to drive them to their parents’ home, you may come to know where they live and even be introduced to their family.
Even if it’s not a spare key, being given a key means you may reach a point where you can enter their home ahead of them whenever you like.
What kind of relationship do you both want? Are you compatible enough to develop a sense of trust naturally and without forcing it?
If it feels like you’ll break up soon, you probably won’t get to that point. I think it depends on whether, after only a few meetings—or even from the very first one—you both feel that you want to continue the relationship long-term, as well as on your compatibility, individual ways of thinking, and past experiences.
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I’ve never particularly wanted to know, but I’ve been invited to both my partners’ workplaces and their homes.
It’s usually that way with anyone I’ve been seeing for six months or longer—not just one person—so from my perspective, your arrangement sounds more like a transactional relationship than something you’d expect from a dating club.
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