The other day (1/7), I came here for advice because a papa told me he had a latex allergy and wanted me to let him go without protection since he would cover the cost of my birth control pills.
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After reading everyone’s answers, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who felt something was wrong, so I’ve decided not to see him a second time. I’d like to send him a LINE message turning him down without causing any hard feelings. How should I word it?
This is more of a rant, but I’ve already had an adult relationship with him once using the condoms provided by the hotel. When I said, “Apparently there are condoms that don’t cause symptoms even for people with allergies,” he replied, “I think I could put up with it for about a week, so it should be fine.” That made me feel like he was probably lying after all.
Also, regarding his reply about my “desired allowance,” he had messaged me saying things like, “Something within your means…” and “I should give you the same allowance as last time, right?” So it doesn’t look like he plans to increase it...
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
“I absolutely can’t have sex without a condom, so I’d prefer not to continue seeing you.”
That seems perfectly fine to me.
Your reason is clear, and regardless of whether it might offend him, you’re simply stating the facts.
However, if he says he’d still like to see you again with protection, you could say:
“I’ll end things immediately if you ever suggest or bring up having sex without a condom again. Is that still okay with you?”
If he agrees, you might consider continuing the arrangement.
But since you also mentioned being uncomfortable with other things, it may be better to part ways as it is.
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I read your previous question as well.
If it were me, I’d probably just send: “Thank you very much. I hope we both find someone who’s a good match.”
Rather than sending a long, repetitive message, it’s better to keep it concise. Otherwise, they may keep suggesting other options, and the exchange can drag on.
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There’s no way to turn someone down without potentially causing offense.
Even rejection emails from job applications can leave the recipient feeling uncomfortable, after all.
I think all you can do is reply honestly: “Even if you cover the cost of my birth control, I can’t be intimate without protection.”
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If you haven’t shared any personal information
(your phone number, address, or workplace):
If you don’t have another meeting planned, just block him on LINE.
If you do have another meeting planned, send, “I can’t meet anymore,” and then block him on LINE.
(You don’t need to read his reply.)
Would that be about right?
If you’ve already shared personal information, explain why you can’t meet and end things amicably. Giving an unavoidable reason, such as “My parents found out,” may help you avoid stalking or persistent messages.
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My first honest reaction after reading this was, “You can’t just ask about every little thing.” Try thinking with your own brain a bit more. At the very least, write the draft yourself.
I’ve done it too, so I can’t exactly act superior, but I don’t recommend blocking them. It’s just kind of lame.
If you start relying on easy solutions too much while you’re young, you’ll end up with a flabby brain. Though, to be fair, there’s no guarantee mine isn’t flabby already.
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As the other respondents have said, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with leaving the message unread. If someone is used to making such unreasonable requests and sending them out in bulk, hoping one will stick, they’ll probably appreciate getting a clear answer quickly. So you really don’t need to worry about it.
Even on the men’s side, despite being the ones who liked someone enough to make an offer, it’s not that common for things to progress to a second or third meeting. So it’s perfectly normal for a woman to stop responding after the second meeting or later. If you think of them as just an ordinary, decent person, there’s even less reason to worry about it.
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If you’re rejecting what the other person wants, there’s no way to do it without ruffling some feathers.
Rather than adding some awkward comment and giving them something to nitpick, it’s fine to delete the message without reading it.
As long as you properly cancel the second meeting, the man will get the message. He probably does this all the time and gets rejected in the same way.
If you leave any opening, they may argue circles around you, say something intimidating that makes you feel you have no choice but to meet, or otherwise put you in a situation you can’t handle.
If you had the communication skills to handle things without ruffling feathers, you could probably do well in business dealing with older men—but you don’t, do you?
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It’s probably safest to delete the message without reading it. He’s likely experienced too, so he’ll understand everything.
Rather than explaining the situation to the club, quote this question and let them know, “I’ve decided to part ways by deleting his messages without reading them.”
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