I recently received an offer for the first time in a while, so I met with what you might call an ordinary older guy—a slim man in his late 50s. He offered me 80,000 yen per meeting, twice a month, which I considered very good terms, but I’ve decided to turn him down.
The reasons are:
- He was supposed to be in his 50s, but looked nearly 70.
- He spoke quickly and mumbled, making communication difficult.
- He talked about himself constantly.
I especially can’t stand people who mumble. I’ve even turned down another papa (a male supporter) in the past for the same reason.
I’m in my late 30s, married, and have children, so someone willing to offer a woman like me 80,000 yen is truly hard to come by. Still, I felt that some things are simply impossible for me.
The girls in their 20s are amazing for being able to put up with even men like that and go through with it as a transactional relationship. Do they feel nothing if they just lie there and endure it? Do they put up with something they hate to death for the money?
I know I still have a lot to learn, but should I force myself to have an adult relationship (intimate) a few times anyway when the terms are this good?
Once you get used to it, do things like mumbling eventually stop bothering you?
It seems the questioner has misunderstood quite a few things.
① Whether or not to continue seeing someone after meeting them is entirely up to you. There’s no need to vent here.
All you have to say is that you turned him down because he wasn’t your type. What other women do is irrelevant, and there are women who might actually come to like that man.
I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here, but some people may have thought, “The questioner’s heart is ugly, she’s the worst, and she doesn’t even seem human for judging someone based on their appearance.”
If anything, the man who offered an allowance of 80,000 yen to such a mean-spirited woman is the real hero.
I almost want to say, “At least you didn’t waste your precious money.”
> Once you get used to it, do things like mumbling become something you stop caring about?
Since you also mentioned his appearance, I don’t think that was the only reason, but this really comes down to personal preference.
If you can’t stand it, I don’t think you’ll get used to it no matter how many times you meet him.
You’ve been alive for over 30 years, so I would think you could figure that out based on your past experiences. If you’ve had things you disliked become less bothersome over time, then it’s possible that could happen again. But in most cases, things you’re not good with remain things you’re not good with.
Of course, it depends on the person.
> I still think my way of thinking is too naive.
This isn’t the adult entertainment industry, so you’re right that you should only see people you actually like.
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I’m not exactly in a position to judge other people, but when I read your question, I couldn’t help muttering, “You’re almost 40—don’t ask such a brain-dead question.” Sorry.
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In the sex industry, you can’t even refuse, so being able to say no in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is something to be grateful for.
If you don’t want to, you can turn it down. If you’re willing to do it for the money, then go ahead. Everyone’s different, so I don’t think it matters what other people choose.
As for that papa (a male supporter), I’d guess he’s offering a relatively high amount for someone in her late 30s who’s married because he doesn’t often find women who are willing to agree to it…
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How can it be considered normal for someone in their fifties to look nearly seventy?
Just because you’re not attracted to her doesn’t mean everyone else will feel the same way, or to the same extent.
Even women I personally find physically impossible to be attracted to may have partners—or eventually find one. That’s simply how people’s preferences work.
That said, I don’t know any specific examples, but apparently there are men out there who have trouble finding or keeping a partner. I also know several women in their twenties who turn down even very favorable terms.
As for your question, you should judge that for yourself based on your own situation. I honestly can’t understand why you’d ask for other people’s opinions to decide whether to go through with it or not.
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If they didn’t have the money, they would have had no choice but to drop out. Without money, they couldn’t pay their rent or afford food. There were women in that situation, too. They earned money while crying.
Be grateful that you’re not in such dire circumstances, and I don’t think you need to meet someone unpleasant and socially inept.
I hope you find even a halfway decent papa (a male supporter) and that capable women like you can make it through.
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I’d say nearly half of the women at the club were probably in their early twenties.
Most men make offers to women in that age group, creating a situation where both men and women have plenty of options.
As you get older, regardless of gender, it’s only natural that you contribute more to society. If you’re married, for example, you may find yourself in a position to give back to your children, juniors, close friends, and various other people.
It’s fine to be attracted to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but you likely still have more than half of your life ahead of you. There are still many possibilities regarding the position you may come to occupy. In that sense, you may still be considered young.
I think it’s important to calmly accept such favorable terms without looking down on or making fun of young women or papas (male supporters). Even attractive women in their twenties can enjoy dating with a perfectly decent papa on much more modest terms.
From the men’s perspective, new women are constantly joining, so personally, there are so many women in their early twenties that I hardly need to search beyond that age group. You should probably consider what kind of men would make generous offers to women around forty under those circumstances.
It seems quite unusual for the same kind of man to make offers to younger women as well.
Also, when your way of thinking or perspective changes, I feel that changes may appear in your circumstances too—not just in papa-katsu.
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