About men who invite me out on the day or the day before

One of the good things about papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is that women get to choose too. If you don’t like someone, you can simply end things. Don’t force yourself to accommodate them—just block people like that.

Yes, there’s a strong chance he sees you as a convenient woman or is mainly looking to satisfy his sexual urges. When another girl canceled at the last minute and he couldn’t cancel the restaurant or hotel, or when he hadn’t had any action for a while and was feeling pent-up, he sometimes invited me the day before or even the same day when his schedule opened up. Since he was asking as a long shot, I didn’t get annoyed even when he was turned down. Girls who are willing to meet at the last minute are precious to him. Even if you’re not his first choice, the arrangement can still last a long time.

Paper Airplane, you’re really good at putting things into words. I think you nailed it. As for my ace in my monthly arrangements, we casually invite each other out on the same day all the time. That’s just how it gets once you become close. It sounds like you keep your papa at quite a distance, though.

What exactly do you mean by being treated as “a convenient barter option”? Barter means an exchange—trading one thing for another, or an exchange of favors. That aside, everyone has their own way of showing interest, accommodating others, and making plans, so I can’t say why those people invite you at the last minute or even on the day itself. Besides, people rarely do things for just one reason. It’s usually the result of various thoughts and circumstances coming together. And I doubt all of those people are doing it for the same reason; each probably has their own. Assuming that “people who do X are Y” may make things seem easy to understand, but it isn’t necessarily true. I think that kind of assumption and prejudice is harmful. It’s like saying, “Women will be happy if you do this.” Pretty lame.

You don’t have to overthink it. My feeling is that, in terms of timing, what feels like “the day before” to a man is more like a week in advance to a woman; “the day of” for a man feels closer to three or four days beforehand for a woman; two or three hours beforehand is like the day before for a woman, and 30 minutes beforehand is closer to half a day in advance. So men and women have very different ideas of what counts as last-minute. A man may be able to get ready and leave immediately after waking up, while a woman may need two or three hours or more. Our thought processes and sense of time are quite different. If we go back to prehistoric times, men and women were probably different kinds of creatures with different roles—men had to be ready to go hunting at a moment’s notice, while women had to stay behind and protect the group. Even so, they may feel lonely if they can’t see you. I mean, no matter how packed someone’s schedule is, if they can spend intimate, enjoyable time together, have dinner paid for, and receive an allowance on top of that, I think they’d try to adjust their plans and make at least a little time whenever possible—unless it involved something they couldn’t change, like work or their boss. Friends’ and family members’ plans are usually more flexible.