I’m questioning whether I can trust the PJ I’ve been seeing for six months.

If it kept going on like that, I think I’d show him the messages he’d sent and tell him straight: “Don’t say you’re going to do something if you’re not going to follow through, because then I get my hopes up. You didn’t have to do it in the first place, so I’m fine without that kind of calculated teasing.” It sounds like something out of a cabaret club comedy sketch—the “I’ll do it for you” scam. Some people just want to make you happy with words, and there are always a few who lie all the time. If it were me, I’d tell him clearly, and if he didn’t change, I’d keep seeing him if the sex was good, figuring that’s just how he is. But if the physical compatibility wasn’t anything special, I’d break things off and look elsewhere.

There are quite a few people who are all talk. They probably struggle with relationships in their everyday life as well and may have some social difficulties. Even if he keeps telling you how much he likes you, he’s only saying it for the money. If you don’t feel you can trust him, don’t you think there’s any reason to keep seeing him? Why not simply report him to the staff and say goodbye? There are countless women out there. Move on to the next one.

If you’re looking for a lovey-dovey boyfriend-girlfriend roleplay, then I can see why you’d be disappointed. You could talk to her and ask her to improve, but with this kind of complicated dynamic, it’s usually obvious when someone is just acting. It’s pretty difficult unless they genuinely get into it. So I think it’s better to cut things off quickly and look for someone else. If you don’t care about the roleplay and simply like her and want to continue seeing her, then you should accept everything and keep going without complaining. Women have their own personalities and ways of thinking, so things rarely go exactly the way you want. If you can build a relationship where you’re able to discuss things openly and understand what lies behind your differences, you may feel better—but often that doesn’t happen. As you spend more time together, time can resolve some things, but for the first six months to a year, you may feel pretty conflicted. I’ve cut things off before too, and I don’t know whether that was the right choice. Still, there have been many times when I was glad I continued, so I wanted to share my thoughts. Also, women can have those same mixed feelings. Within the first year of starting to see someone, they may hint at it through their words or attitude. If you feel your partner is important to you, I think it’s crucial not to miss those signs. —Taro

① Since it’s something the two of you can celebrate together, just say, “Let’s celebrate together—go ahead and make a reservation.” ② Likewise, just say, “Make a reservation for sometime around my birthday when you’re available.” Then things like a cake, a dessert plate with a message, or a small gift might naturally happen. And even if they don’t, that’s totally fine… If you just mean treating the woman to a meal, McDonald’s or MOS Burger on the day would be fine. ③ would feel a little—or actually quite—lonely… > “Huh? Cake? Should I go buy one now?” That’s not okay. They should say, “I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you next time…” or something.

I think you should simply see her as that kind of person. I don’t think it’s really something you need to become suspicious over. What I am curious about, though, is how you replied when she messaged you saying she wanted to celebrate you. If you responded with something like, “Thank you, just hearing that is enough,” then it would be understandable if she didn’t do anything when you met. Even if you didn’t say that explicitly, depending on how you replied, she may have taken it the same way. I can’t tell whether it’s just her personality or whether there was an issue with the way you responded. Either way, if you like other aspects of her, I don’t think there’s any need to distrust her. But if that point is important to you, rather than asking about it here, you could simply end things with her.

> Someone who says whatever comes to mind but can’t remember saying it later Honestly, people like that sound like they exist, but I don’t think they really do. Once might be believable, but three times? That sounds deliberate. As I wrote in my answer to the previous question, I’d find myself wondering why she behaves that way. The first thing that comes to mind is that perhaps her parents made similar promises but never once followed through. So I’d probably try to ask her something like, “What was your relationship with your parents like?” I wonder what other possibilities there could be. If she enjoys watching you get upset because you didn’t receive the promised “reward,” she might be a sadistic woman with an S-type personality. Are you an M-type guy? I’m not making fun of you—that’s a serious question. A woman with an S-type personality may seek out an M-type guy, so in that case, this could be her way of showing affection. If she grew up with her parents treating her the same way, then you’re either loved or disliked by her. You might say, “Well, obviously it has to be one or the other,” but in papa-katsu, relationships where neither love nor dislike is involved are actually the most common. That’s because she herself isn’t entirely sure whether her parents loved or disliked her. She’s testing you. By treating you the way her parents treated her, she’s trying to find out whether you’ll still like her anyway—whether you have the same level of affection for her as she had for her parents, despite everything. Personally, I’d find it too much trouble and cut things off right away. If she has enough other good qualities that you can’t bring yourself to end it, first figure out whether this stems from parental trauma or her natural S-type personality. Then, the next time she says something that gets your hopes up in the same way, respond with a pointed, “You never actually do those things anyway. So, you’ve started the game again,” without showing any sign of sadness. She keeps doing it because she finds your sadness amusing. It might simply be a form of bullying. There are quite a lot of people who genuinely enjoy bullying others, especially those from delinquent backgrounds or the lower levels of society. When people are oppressed socially, they may take out their frustration by bullying someone weaker. At that point, it becomes a kind of culture.

Given how distrustful you feel, I honestly don’t understand why you keep seeing him. I think you should take another careful look at what you’re hoping to get out of these meetings. You’re continuing to see him because he wants physical intimacy, even though you don’t trust him, aren’t you? If you were seeing each other as people, it would be natural to part ways once that distrust arose.

This is just speculation, but I get the impression he’s the kind of person who says whatever comes to mind without remembering it afterward. He probably doesn’t consider it a promise—he’s simply saying whatever pops into his head. That’s only my guess, though. If you’re wondering why he acts that way, I think you should talk to him directly. Relationships are built on communication, aren’t they?