When a woman I’m seeing starts asking me for things, I immediately lose interest.

I’ve been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for over five years, but I’ve only been asked to buy something twice. Definitely not even 70% of the time. I agree—it’s a turnoff when they ask you to buy them things. I think both Fuu and the person asking the question are being taken advantage of. If they ask you to buy them something, I think it’s perfectly fine to end things. Wanting to go to a certain restaurant, go on a certain kind of date, or take a trip together is fine, though. It’s pretty selfish of me to feel that way, isn’t it?

> “It’s not that I’m reluctant to spend money—I’m put off by her mindset.” But honestly, it sounds like he is reluctant to spend the money after all. Isn’t the allowance low to begin with? It feels like he’s making excuses, keeping the allowance as low as possible, and then saying he dislikes the person’s mindset when she asks for more. More than that, I can’t help wondering why he doesn’t think about giving her a present before she even has to ask. Another possibility is that he constantly brags about being wealthy, yet keeps her allowance low and never gives her anything. There could be various reasons, but if he has enough money to grant her requests without it causing him any trouble, then he should simply do so. And if he doesn’t have the financial means, he should just say from the start that he doesn’t have much money. One more thing I’m curious about: if he really isn’t reluctant to spend money, then naturally he buys her what she asks for before ending things, right? I feel like that’s how you can tell whether he truly doesn’t mind spending the money.

I haven’t met that many women myself, so take this with a grain of salt, but only one of the women I’ve met has ever asked for more. I’ve never had a woman who’s been seeing me for over a year ask for more allowance. If it’s happening as often as 70% of the time, there may be some reason for it—perhaps you’re only approaching highly popular women, or the women aren’t satisfied with the allowance.

You may think the women asking for more are the problem. But if you keep thinking that way, women will continue asking you for more. The problem lies with the person being asked. To put it bluntly, they ask because they don’t feel they’re getting enough value for what they’re giving. So, even if it feels a little forced at first, start with that assumption and work on concrete improvements. The way to think about it is simple: everyone is calculating cost-effectiveness and time efficiency. So your basic options are either ① shorten the time they’re tied up with you to improve the value for their time, or ② increase the value you provide to improve the overall deal. Basically, those are the two choices.

Being fine with giving an allowance but annoyed when she asks for something is pretty self-centered and selfish. With a wife or daughter, as you grow closer, you naturally become more willing to give them spending money or buy them things. I don’t think there’s any need to feel that way about women from a dating club just because you already give them an allowance. It depends on the amount, but if it’s something she genuinely needs, I think you can feel happy together once that need is met. If possible, I think she’d be much happier being surprised with a thoughtful, casual gift than having to ask for something. People are different: some become even more willing to “feed the fish they’ve caught” as time goes by because they’ve grown more interested in the woman, while others think it would be a waste.

People probably see you as kind and assume you won’t get angry even if they make somewhat unreasonable demands. In my own work, I try to be pleasant and accommodate unreasonable requests from clients as much as possible. However, when a client keeps adding demands without offering any additional payment, I cut them off once they cross a certain line. With that approach, you’ll naturally be accepted by a wide range of people, but it may also lead some of them to get the wrong idea. Perhaps it’s best to accept that as part of the trade-off. P.S. It reminds me of hostesses at cabaret clubs who get carried away and keep asking for more and more drinks. Whether I’m at a cabaret club or doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I set a spending limit for each outing so things don’t end up that way.

I’m not sure how long you mean by “dating for a long time,” but personally, out of the more than ten women I’ve dated for over a year, I can only remember one who ever asked me for things. So I don’t think that’s how it normally is. I felt that the woman who asked me was either taking me—or men in general—too lightly. After joining a dating club and talking with various women, I learned that there seem to be quite a few men, not just papas, who frequently give gifts, perhaps to win a woman’s favor. So if women often ask you for things, it may be because they’re taking you—or men in general; I can’t say which—too lightly. Alternatively, perhaps one of your previous partners was someone who frequently gave gifts. In any case, I think doing things that make the other person uncomfortable means you’ve misjudged the appropriate distance between you. If it’s happening 70% of the time, then you’ve been in long-term relationships with people who misjudge that distance 70% of the time. It might be worth reflecting on whether you’re giving them the wrong impression, allowing yourself to be taken lightly, or continuing relationships with that kind of person.

Since the allowance is on the low side, could she be making up the difference by including gifts? When I offer a more generous cash allowance, I’m never asked for extras. Maybe she’s a popular woman with too many rivals.

By “asking,” I mean asking for money—or asking me to buy them something. With that in mind, here’s my answer. According to Maezawa, I’ve received well over 160 offers through Universe Club. Let’s say it was 170: out of those 170 women, I clearly remember only three of them asking me for money or gifts. I’ve been doing this for three and a half years, which works out to dating one new woman almost every week. I made offers to two women this week as well, including a female university student I’m meeting for the first time tomorrow. These days, I usually meet them at family restaurants. I estimate what the meal would have cost at a more expensive restaurant and add the difference to their allowance. I’ve never ended things with anyone because she asked me for something. There’s only been one woman I stopped seeing, and that was for a different reason. Two of the three women who asked me for something are still seeing me. I rarely refuse when someone asks me for something. I usually say yes to just about everything. So you could say they took advantage of that. And when I look at those three women who asked me for things, it’s obvious that their brains are practically leaking out. But even if I know someone is that empty-headed, I won’t cut things off as long as continuing the relationship is worthwhile. Could it be that the women you’re making offers to are simply low quality? If she’s young, cute, has a large chest, a slim waist, isn’t overweight, looks clean and well-groomed, and you have amazing physical compatibility, I’m sure you’d keep seeing her even if she had nothing in her head.

I think it depends on what she’s asking for. You could also look at it from the perspective that it’s actually helpful when she makes it clear what she wants. The mental process would be something like: “She's asking me for something” → “So this is what she wants” → “Would buying this for her make me happy?” → “If so, I’ll buy it.” If the unpleasant feelings outweigh the positive ones, you just need to clearly say, “No, I’m not buying that.” If you lose that back-and-forth, then the questioner simply isn’t experienced enough. Not just at papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but at life in general. To me, it feels no different from negotiating a business deal. Maybe the questioner has one of those jobs where they never negotiate prices with clients? Before lamenting the girl’s mentality, take a good look at your own mentality—your immaturity. I’m offering that as advice, not sarcasm. Incidentally, if you take this advice as sarcasm, I’d say your mentality is in pretty bad shape. I tried to think of why a girl might ask for things: 1. She desperately needs money and is just trying to get by. 2. Her self-esteem is low, and receiving expensive gifts from her papa (a male supporter) is how she keeps herself emotionally stable. 3. She treats it like a game, seeing how much money she can get out of a particular man. 4. It’s early in the relationship, and she’s testing how much she can depend on him. Probably something along those lines. There may be multiple reasons, of course, but how you respond will differ somewhat depending on which of those is the main one. If it were me, I’d be somewhat accommodating toward 1 and 2, since I’d feel sorry for her. With 3 and 4, it becomes a matter of skill—figuring out how to deflect her requests. I also tried to think about why the questioner feels turned off: 1. He lacks confidence as a man, and being asked for things shatters the romantic mood he was barely managing to enjoy. 2. He doesn’t want to spend money—he’s simply stingy. 3. He doesn’t mind buying and giving a gift he chose himself, but he doesn’t like being told, “I want this,” and then buying it for her—he’s self-centered. The woman’s 2 and the man’s 1 are somewhat similar. If the questioner’s feeling of being turned off comes from thinking, “Being asked for something means she sees me as nothing more than a source of money,” then 1 may be a major factor. If you’ve been popular with women since you were young and have a solid foundation of confidence as a man, being asked for something probably wouldn’t turn you off. And just to add something: men who were confident and popular when they were young aren’t necessarily still popular once they reach middle age. Not at all. Whether you were popular when you were young or not, life after middle age is practically a completely different game. In that case, wouldn’t it be wiser to carry yourself with the aura of someone who’s always been popular? You might even be able to overwrite your memories of being unpopular in the past. That’s why I’m saying that if the questioner has that first element, he should get rid of it as soon as possible. In one word, what makes a man attractive after middle age is composure—financially, emotionally, and in every other sense. Getting turned off when a girl asks you for something doesn’t exactly make you seem very composed. Women notice that too. I’m not saying you should blindly give her whatever she asks for. It’s fine to say no, but do it gracefully. That’s what you call having skill. I just tried to type “gracefully,” and autocorrect changed it to “aging.” Not good. In other words, let’s turn “aging” into “grace.” > “If the cash allowance is generous, she never asks for things, though.” Actually, I think girls are more likely to ask for things when their papa gives them a generous allowance. It’s just that they’re more subtle about it. Instead of saying, “Papa, buy me that,” they’ll repeatedly whisper in his ear, “I want that, but I can’t afford it right now. It’s my dream to buy it someday.” They maneuver things so that papa “voluntarily” buys it for them. And papa believes, “She didn’t ask me for it—I decided to buy it for her myself.” Any men reading this feel like that sounds familiar?