A papa-katsu partner in her late 30s who’s married and in an adult relationship (intimate) has asked if we could reduce her allowance.
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We’ve met about four times since late July. This is the first time a woman has asked me to lower the allowance.
She said she feels bad that, because she’s married, there are fewer days and times when she can meet, and that she’d like to see me more often. Do you think it’s okay to take her up on that?
If the asker is happy to meet more often, then the woman must feel she can have plenty of sex with him, and in practice, her total allowance will increase as well.
So if the asker is comfortable seeing her around three times a month and paying a higher total allowance, I don’t see any problem.
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I think you should simply go along with what she wants. I mean, if you like her, you’re better off agreeing to it.
When it comes to how the two people view their relationship, men and women often have very different perspectives. So it’s quite common for a woman who thinks things are going well to suddenly make a puzzling proposal or start talking based on some unexplained assumption. In situations like that, it’s best not to overanalyze things through your own logic—just go along with it quietly.
I think around the third to fifth time they meet is when a woman starts to trust a man. A lot of women change around that point. You can kind of tell from how she responds to intimacy, and so on… So while this isn’t specifically about intimacy, if she brought it up after you’d met four times, I wonder if something happened that crossed a certain threshold.
Of course, making a big deal out of it is part of being young too. But overall, I think accepting her proposal is the best move.
Taro
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I’m a married woman in my late 30s, and since my marriage is sexless, sex is probably the discreet main purpose of the arrangement.
I want to meet more often, but my availability is limited, and I can’t exactly be demanding about having him work around my schedule. So wouldn’t it make sense to say, “I’ll accept a lower allowance, so please meet me on dates and times that work for me”?
It’s easy to understand, so I don’t see anything wrong with going along with it.
Just be careful, though—since it’s an affair, there’s a risk your husband could sue you.
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How did you initially decide on the allowance?
If you felt the amount was reasonable, I don’t think you need to reduce it. But if you originally thought it was high and were forcing yourself to pay that much, it may be fine to accommodate your partner’s wishes.
That said, since you’re asking about it here, it sounds like you’re also worried about the possible downsides of reducing it. If you have a sense of what those might be, it seems safer to keep things as they’ve been rather than reducing the allowance.
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As the allowance increases, the time you spend together naturally gets shorter, and you meet less often. The same goes for entertaining clients or dealing with your boss. Nothing feels more comfortable than splitting the bill—or something close to it.
If you increase the allowance, you may feel bad about taking up her time, and if you simply hand over the allowance, there’s less reason to meet in the first place.
If you want to keep seeing each other comfortably over the long term, I recommend keeping the allowance fairly modest.
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