I’ve slept with many women in their 30s and 40s and enjoyed the pleasure, but now that I’m in my 50s, I met a woman I truly connected with and became completely absorbed in her.

I think I understand how you feel. In my case, the person I loved dearly passed away, so I was doubly devastated. I thought we had built a meaningful relationship. When I wrote about it in a column, someone who had been through the same thing left a comment. Basically, they said that I needed time. Back then, I thought about her every morning when I woke up, so I couldn’t imagine ever waking up without thinking of her. But that comment made me truly realize, in a way, that I needed time. That was where it began. Unfortunately, I can’t say exactly when your heart will finally settle down, though.

Since we’re a man and a woman, it’s understandable that feelings can develop even if you try to keep a clear boundary. Still, if you’ve steeled yourself enough to propose and she turned you down, I guess there’s no choice but to give up. Being lovesick like that—it’s youthful, isn’t it? As older papas, we should make a clean break and move on to the next person. If you keep sending offers wholeheartedly, you might meet someone great, so for now, just send out lots of offers, haha. There are countless women in the world, and at the club, there are several hundred women waiting for offers...

You’re looking sharp, Make-O a loser! If a woman in her 50s is okay with you, I’d be happy to mend your broken heart♡

A relationship that keeps pulling you deeper into the swamp can be so much fun, can’t it? That said, since you’ve already broken things off, I agree with the others that, rather than looking for someone new, you should first talk to someone and get your feelings off your chest. I’d be happy to listen, so feel free to reach out, haha. (Because of my profession, I often listen to people and help guide them.) I’m in my late 30s and live in Kanagawa! I’m also on PATOLO, so feel free to message me!

There is no one else exactly like that woman. Also, as time passes, memories tend to become idealized, which may make your feelings grow even stronger. But first of all, there is a 99.999999999% chance that your relationship with her will never return to what it was. I think it’s important to recognize that clearly. And since things won’t go back to how they were, the basic approach would be to look for someone new. Even if you never meet someone exactly the same, if you meet 20 or 30 people, you’re bound to find someone you can eventually become comfortable and familiar with. For now, I think all you can do is endure the heartbreak and keep going on dates. > How can I forget her? You don’t need to forget her. I think it would be better to keep those memories in your heart. By the way, you didn’t mention why you broke up. Was it because you proposed to her? I also don’t really understand the part about having been considering divorce in the first place. It seems more natural to propose after getting divorced. Proposing without actually divorcing was dishonest both toward your wife and toward the other woman. Besides, many people here are looking for a relationship that comes with an allowance from the start. Even without knowing all the details, it’s easy to imagine that things could get difficult if you became serious and didn’t end the relationship. If she had also fallen for you, and you both wanted the same thing, there probably wouldn’t have been any problem. But if it was only you who became serious, I imagine she would have felt that it was better to end things. Another option would be to use this as an opportunity to stop papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Now, with every emotion in his heart, the train whistle sounds. Farewell, Maetel. Farewell, Galaxy Express 999. Farewell, days of youth...

As long as you keep chasing women, I don’t think anything you do will work out. I can understand why she eventually lost interest in you. You shouldn’t chase women. You need to make them chase you. Divorce your wife and marry that woman? Why don’t you stop talking nonsense? Of course she was going to reject you. If I were in your position, I’d throw myself into work. Work harder and harder, and once you become stronger and more successful—both financially and as a man—someone even more wonderful than your previous partner will come looking for you. Turning to other women to forget one woman? That makes absolutely no sense. Go work. If you’re a man. I can already hear you saying, “I am working.” But that’s exactly why you got dumped. Work ten times harder so you can become far greater than the person you are now. If you’re a man. Still, what a tiresome world this is. I really wanted to start this with “As long as you’re chasing a woman’s ass,” but apparently I can’t. How ridiculous.

Perhaps it was meant to make up for those things. At the club, you may be able to build a relationship that replaces that—or rather, one that goes beyond it. From what you wrote, your relationship with that woman lasted only a year. You considered divorcing your wife, even proposed to the woman, and yet the two of you still broke up. That makes you a deluded guy who assumes a woman will feel exactly as you do, while also being a half-hearted guy who betrays his beloved wife—but won’t actually divorce her. If you had truly been emotionally connected, she would never have left you. Rather than focusing on what you did or how you feel, I think you need to accept a woman more passively—as if you were in a state of complete selflessness.

Well, I’d say time, for starters. You’ll probably find yourself making offers to women who resemble her, but once you actually meet them, the similarities only make you notice how different they are from her. During that period, work usually doesn’t go well either. And since you can’t bring yourself to do anything, you may even start feeling discouraged and thinking, “Maybe I should just retire and live quietly like this.” It probably takes about two years to feel somewhat like yourself again—or at least to regain some energy. Since you broke up, there must have been quite a dramatic showdown at the end, right? The fact that the questioner is still hung up on her after just a month makes me wonder if they were the one who got dumped. Maybe their feelings were so serious that she found them frightening. It would be nice if they had a close papa friend who could listen to them. But honestly, it doesn’t matter who you talk to about something like this. You could look for a private counselor and pay a few thousand yen per hour to have someone listen. In this case, it’s better to put your feelings into words and get them out. It doesn’t even have to be a counselor—a mama at a bar would do. Oh, actually, they could make an offer to an A-type girl, go on a dinner-only date, and have her listen to the whole story. Yes, that might be the best option. At first, it’s usually told like a heavily romanticized love story. But after recounting it five or ten times, you start to realize that something doesn’t quite add up. At some point, you begin analyzing it calmly, saying things like, “I thought I was in love, but maybe it was actually a kind of codependent relationship.” At the same time, the parts that felt like a dream really were wonderfully enjoyable, so you start breaking them down and sorting them out. It’s like putting scattered toys back into their box. Eventually, your memories get separated into categories: “These were the good things,” and “These are the things I should reflect on.” Every now and then, you take out only the good memories, admire them, and enjoy them. They say men’s memories become idealized, right? In reality, it’s less that they become idealized and more that the essence gets extracted and concentrated. Like distilled spirits—brandy. Anyway, it takes about two years for that to mature. Even a computer takes a while to update its operating system, right? You’re just waiting for your brain to finish updating.