I’m new to dating clubs and would like some advice.

Everyone has their own perspective, but I think you should do whatever you can. If you simply write it off as a learning experience and do nothing, members of that kind will ultimately remain on the platform. Whether they’re men or women, I believe that when low-quality members stick around, it negatively affects even the more serious members (though I’m not sure “serious” is the right word). *The number of decent members decreases while the number of problematic ones increases.* Since you have a family, I understand that there are limits to what you can do, though.

If she took ¥600,000 and then stopped responding, that says something about her character. Ideally, she should either return the money promptly or clarify what level of relationship the ¥600,000 was meant to cover and continue seeing him to that extent. (Of course, expecting the relationship to continue forever would be unreasonable.) That said, in this case, I think it would be best to accept it as an expensive lesson and move on. As for whether this constitutes fraud, I think it may be difficult to meet the legal requirements. You wrote, “I’m also beginning to doubt whether it was really for study-abroad expenses,” which suggests that you were not actually deceived by her lie. Simply giving someone money when you haven’t been deceived does not seem likely to constitute fraud. You also wrote that “the terms of the relationship were that he would pay all of her study-abroad expenses,” so this seems highly likely to have been a type of mistress arrangement. In that case, under Article 90 of the Civil Code, a legal act that violates public order and morality is invalid. Since such an arrangement may be considered contrary to public order and morality, the agreement is quite likely to be deemed invalid. You also mention that the questioner is married. If she initially intended to pursue a relationship but decided she could no longer meet him after learning he was married, it’s understandable that she wouldn’t want to become involved in infidelity, and I can sympathize with her feelings. First, I think you should seriously consider why you felt the need to tell her that you have a wife.

Just last month, a PJ asked me for a substantial amount of money. I gave her a few hundred thousand yen and told my representative at Universe Club what had happened. When I gave her the money, I clearly told her, “You can disappear after this if you want. I’m not expecting you to pay me back.” Giving money while expecting something in return only ends up hurting you. So I’ve stopped expecting anything in return and simply tell them, “It’s yours.” She’s someone I don’t have an intimate relationship with, so it’s similar to the questioner’s situation. In fact, she’s coming to stay at my place tonight, of her own free will. She seems to intend to repay me physically, but I absolutely won’t sleep with her. It wouldn’t be enjoyable to be intimate with someone like that. And tonight, I plan to tell her again: “Take care of yourself. You don’t have to pay me back, and you don’t need to contact me anymore.” For old guys like us, papa-katsu is all about being able to show off.

Your only real option is to accept the loss and move on. In the first place, if you’re lending money, it should be an amount you’d be willing to simply give away. Likewise, if you’re financially supporting a woman, you should keep it within a limit you could tolerate losing even if you were deceived. If you went beyond that limit, you should seriously reflect on it. If you can regard it as an expensive lesson, then that’s fine too. The police will act quickly when it comes to stabbings or other physical matters involving life and death. Stalking cases involving male victims also fall into that category. But with money lending between people caught up in romantic entanglements like this, they’re slow to act, partly because the person claiming to have been deceived may actually be the stalker. Besides, police officers are just petty bureaucrats. They’re full of small-minded tactics, such as refusing to accept a victim’s report, or asking for only a copy of a criminal complaint because once they accept the original, they’re obligated to process it. If you’re going to pursue it, I think you should hire a lawyer to save yourself the trouble. Do you want to deal with petty police bureaucrats running you around, and endure the humiliation of being mocked by the police after already being deceived? Or would you rather spend the money on a lawyer to avoid that humiliation? If that’s the case, why not make an offer to a new woman instead?

No matter what anyone says, ¥600,000 is a lot of money. At the same time, it’s a relatively small amount when it comes to study-abroad expenses. ¥600,000 is about the cost of a short-term language program in the Philippines. In that sense, if I may be blunt, I suppose the questioner failed to judge the situation properly. For reference, I paid ¥10 million myself (that’s eight digits—what a fool I am). I’m sure that’s no consolation. Going to the police is one option. Visit one of the larger police stations in your area and ask for the Community Safety Division. They generally operate from 9 to 5, and may close for lunch, so go during business hours. If all the paperwork is in order, they should accept your report. However, my understanding is that actually getting the case prosecuted is extremely difficult. One reason is that the amount is relatively small—if it were ¥60 million, that would be a different story. And the police are already overwhelmed with bank-transfer fraud cases. The bigger issue is the amount of energy it would take. I wouldn’t really recommend it. That said, you have my sincere sympathy.

A study-abroad program costing only ¥600,000 sounds far too cheap. Is she planning to go there and come back within a week? Even if this particular case really was for studying, please report this woman to the club. She has probably pulled off this kind of scam arrangement many times before. Hopefully, the club can have her membership revoked. Best of luck.

The first thing the questioner should do isn’t consult the police or a lawyer—it’s gather evidence. In this case, evidence means anything that can prove: ① the woman said she wanted financial help for study-abroad expenses, and ② the questioner gave her money. Screenshots of LINE messages should be enough for both points. If you know the woman’s bank account details, I assume you transferred the money? If so, point ② is certain. If it were me, I’d consult the police first. The reason is that there’s a suspicion of fraud, making it a criminal matter. You consult a lawyer when it’s a civil matter that doesn’t rise to the level of a criminal case. For people who have never dealt with them, the police may seem intimidating, but they’re not some terrifying place when it comes to ordinary citizens. The questioner is married and may feel guilty, but the police are only concerned with whether fraud occurred. If you honestly say, “I’d like to keep this confidential from my wife,” I think they’ll handle it accordingly. First, gather the evidence, consult the police, and have them determine whether fraud has been committed. I imagine they may investigate in the process. Then you can have her return the money. Hiring a lawyer would be a waste of money. When it comes to LINE screenshots, you should save them regularly, especially right after any suspicious exchange. I do that all the time. It’s easy to accidentally delete something. Store the saved files in password-protected storage. I recommend that everyone do the same. The other respondents seem kind of cold, lol. I think questions like this are exactly when we fellow papas should rack our brains and support one another with our adult wisdom. I’ve never heard that the police only work from nine to five. They’re available 24 hours a day. Call 110 in an emergency when a crime is in progress, but if it’s not urgent, call the main number of the nearest reasonably large police station. The operator will take a brief outline of the situation and connect you with the appropriate department. The other day, one of the girls I’m seeing had an ex who was starting to become a stalker, so I called the police and handed the phone to her. It was evening, but they asked her to come to the police station at 10 p.m., and at 1 a.m. a duty officer went to the ex-boyfriend’s home and dealt with the situation. With stalking, it’s too late if the police only act after it becomes a serious incident, so they respond extremely quickly. Fraud isn’t an emergency, so the interview might have to be scheduled during office hours, but they’ll still take calls outside those hours. Think of it as gaining some experience and give it a try. You’re paying taxes, after all—it would be a shame not to take advantage of public services like this. I wonder if there’s a difference in how responsive the police are depending on the area. In Nagoya, perhaps because it’s the hometown of Lily-chan, the police take fraud by papa-katsu women seriously. This is a 2-million-yen case, but there are examples like the one below as well: https://www3.nhk.or.jp/tokai-news/20240711/3000036490.html “Arisa Kato, 22, an unemployed resident of Nagoya, is accused of fraud for making a man she met through a dating app develop feelings for her, then lying that ‘my mother has cancer and I need to pay her hospital expenses,’ and defrauding him of 2 million yen last year.” If you have solid evidence, I can’t imagine the police simply refusing to act. That said, the fact that it was supposedly for study-abroad expenses could be a sticking point. If the woman insists that she really is going to study abroad, the matter might end there.

Yes, think of it as a learning experience. At least you got off relatively cheaply. That said, not every woman will take your money and run, so try not to be overly suspicious from now on.

That’s neither too much nor too little. With things like this, I think it’s healthier to accept the loss and move on to the next opportunity.

I’m an idiot too, so I’ve had similar experiences, both through clubs and outside them… From what I’ve experienced, whether they asked for it or I offered it myself, paying several hundred thousand yen usually led to that kind of outcome—except when it was a romantic relationship. Whether she was a club woman or someone I met normally, if I gave her at least ¥10,000 upfront, taking her circumstances into account, things never went that way. In this case, I think the choices are either not to give anything, or to offer ¥1 million or more—an amount beyond what she could imagine, and one you’d be willing to lose. With club arrangements, unlike ordinary encounters, an in-between amount like several hundred thousand yen may sometimes have no effect at all.