When meeting a man with the understanding that things may become intimate, I don’t know what he’ll be like beforehand—whether he has bad breath, dirty teeth, and so on. So I asked in our messages before meeting if we could skip kissing the first time. He replied, “Okay, I understand. No problem.”

When I agree to an adult relationship at the first meeting, I ask, “Are there any deal-breakers?” Sometimes they’ll say, “I’m not comfortable with kissing.” I just respond, “That’s fine. Then no kissing.” I’ve seen that more often with girls who are aspiring voice actors, idol vocalists, or otherwise need to take care of their throats. There are also girls who simply don’t like sex itself. One girl had previously worked in the sex industry and contracted chlamydia through oral sex, so she said, “Whether it’s oral sex or kissing, I absolutely don’t allow any direct mucous-membrane contact.” If they agreed on the terms of the arrangement, isn’t the man in the wrong? I think the questioner’s feelings are completely valid. What an awful experience. That said, after reading the other answers, I’m starting to think I may be in the minority. So in response to “Is this common?” I suppose my answer would be, “It may be fairly common.” I don’t think saying “No kissing” is such a strange idea. There’s the aspect of preventing STIs, and some people may simply dislike bad breath, as the questioner mentioned. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy that kind of pseudo-romantic experience. I’ve even met a former idol who didn’t allow kissing but was totally fine with mixed bathing at hot springs, having sex with strangers at a sex club, and taking nude photos outdoors. On the other hand, there was also a girl who said, “I can’t get aroused unless I’m kissed. I want you to keep kissing me the entire time during penetration.” Everyone has different preferences. People have all kinds of preferences, but going back on something you agreed to when discussing the terms isn’t right. Even if it seems minor, it must be important to that person. As for this supposedly “open-minded” attitude of mine, I think it’s because I have some unusual preferences myself, as I’ve written about in my columns. Being in the minority makes it easier to understand how other minorities feel.

Honestly, if a man considers kissing essential, he should simply stop the meeting from happening once that’s stated in the terms. For what it’s worth, I avoid meeting them too.

I don’t know whether it’s common. But now that you know he’s that kind of man, you can decide whether you want to continue seeing him. The first few months are essentially a trial period for both of you. If you’re not happy, you can simply say goodbye.

Even if it’s not papa-katsu: “Nothing’s going to happen, so let’s have another drink in my room.” “Let’s take a short break and watch a movie in my room. I’m not going to do anything.” Once you go to their room at that stage, it usually turns into the full course, doesn’t it? In the questioner’s case, you can probably tell during the first meeting whether kissing is a deal-breaker or not. So it would be best to turn down anyone you’re not comfortable with and not go to their room. Since you told him beforehand that kissing was off-limits, you’re still one of the better women. The only time this happened to me was when I once offered to meet a 19-year-old woman. We went to my room, and just as I was about to get started, she said: “Don’t touch me above the neck.” Of course, no kissing either, and she didn’t touch me at all. It was basically, “So I’m just lending you a hole?” I lost interest, gave her the allowance, and we went our separate ways. That said, there’s one thing I want to tell you: with this activity, you can ultimately earn a lot more—and feel secure—by finding someone who will continue seeing you regularly. You have plenty of female competition, too. A woman who’s beautiful, has a great figure, is tight, devoted, and is fine with kissing, 69, rear-entry, riding on top, and even taking a bath together— versus a woman who says kissing is off-limits. Which one do you think generous papas will choose? I hope you find a papa who’s okay with not kissing.

In the sex industry, “no kissing” is an accepted option. With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it’s the opposite—you can start with kissing without having an adult relationship (intimate), right? After all, with papa-katsu, you don’t have to meet anyone you don’t want to kiss or sleep with… And as for: > You don’t even know what they’re like—whether they have bad breath, dirty teeth, and so on. Even men want to avoid kissing sex workers they can be intimate with when they don’t know the person. You seem to be in a similar situation, questioner…

This seems like the kind of thing that happens fairly often on apps. Men have probably had plenty of experience negotiating at work, so I imagine they may think they can work things out through negotiation here as well. In this case, though, they went ahead and did it without negotiating first, so it’s a breach of the agreement. Still, on apps, I feel like things like that happen to some extent. With a dating club, the worst that can happen is being forced to leave, so I can imagine people trying to negotiate. But outright rule violations don’t seem to happen very often. Besides, these aren’t adult entertainment establishments, and not many people are looking for a relationship that’s purely about doing it. So I don’t often hear about women saying, “No kissing, but I’ll let you use that hole.”

I agree with Kazu. That’s surprising.

I’ve met more than 100 women, but I’ve never once been asked, “Would it be okay if we didn’t kiss on the first meeting?” So that alone makes this unusual—it’s not something that commonly happens.