Why do older men want sex even when they can’t get hard?

I’ve been introduced to quite a few alluring women in their 40s through Uchu Club. The day after tomorrow, I’m having lunch in Kobe with one of them. I’m not sure whether it’s appropriate to group women together by their 40s, but one of the charms of that generation is that they understand men’s physiology very well. Generally speaking, even when men know they can’t get it up, they still want to try. It’s probably built into our genes, so it’s not easy to resist. Of course, even alluring women don’t necessarily meet every man’s request. But the women in their 40s I’ve met never simply say no. Instead, they look for ways or things they can accept without saying no. Perhaps you, too, are an alluring woman in your 40s. It may sound presumptuous, but if I were to offer one piece of advice, it would be this: rather than saying no, try communicating your wishes and feelings to the other person. I’m sure you can do it. Incidentally, unless you’re talking about some young girl, I don’t think an alluring, worldly-wise woman in her 40s would ask a question like this.

Unlike sex work, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) allows women to choose who they see, so if you’re unhappy, you can simply end things. If there were fewer papas (male supporters) who wanted to pay for sex, the papa-katsu system itself wouldn’t work. Since they can’t have sex with young women for free, they give them an allowance in exchange for intimacy. I think it’s a rational arrangement where both sides benefit. You don’t have to force yourself to continue, so end things and wait for the next offer. Being older, having trouble performing, and being overly touchy aren’t necessarily connected. That papa just happens to be that kind of person.

I think the premise of the question is mistaken. Once they reach a certain age, some men simply lose their sex drive—or choose to give up on that kind of thing. When you ask them, “You can still go, right?” they might say, “I’ve moved on from all that.” (Of course, saying they’ve “moved on” also means they used to be that way.) So what you’re talking about is men who “still want to flirt and be physically affectionate with women.” For men like that, it seems only natural that they would still want an intimate relationship even if they can’t get an erection. It’s also strange to ask, “Why?” when you’re meeting men who want that kind of relationship. Men who don’t want it simply aren’t meeting with you. Also, I don’t really understand how something can be painful yet you still like it, as you say in your question. If it’s painful, you can simply end the relationship—and if you truly liked it, I don’t think you would find it painful. If what you mean is that you like the money, then you should carefully consider where you’re willing to compromise and where you’re not before deciding how to continue the relationship. You should also keep in mind that if you leave the future of the arrangement entirely up to your papa (a male supporter), there’s a good chance he may look for another woman who won’t object.

I don’t like the phrase “older men.” If that’s acceptable, then I’ll write “women in their 40s” too—would that be okay? I’m in my 60s, but I can still finish pretty quickly, in about 15 or 20 minutes. Twice a day. Thanks to medication, though. I guess there are big individual differences. Other than the “older men” wording, I don’t really have anything to say. Wouldn’t it be fine to be honest and let the papa (male supporter) decide what to do from there?

For the first question, the only answer I can think of is the cliché one: that it’s simply part of men’s nature. Personally, I’m not fixated on reaching orgasm, and self-centered sex is boring. So if my partner says she’s tired, I stop right there. If a man doesn’t stop when you tell him you’re tired or in pain, I don’t think he truly cares about you. Why not try telling him and see how he reacts?