I’m asking about my papa, whom I’ve been seeing for about two years. About six months after we became close, he started renting an apartment for me.
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Lately, I’ve started wondering what I really mean to him. Since he’s married, only a limited number of people know about our relationship, but after nine years in the companion club world, I feel this kind of relationship is rare, and I’m incredibly grateful for it.
I’d always thought of myself as his proper mistress, but then I started worrying that, aside from my age and the fact that he’s married, maybe I’m basically just a friend with benefits to him. So I asked him outright, haha.
He said, “You wouldn’t rent an apartment for a friend with benefits—and not under your own name, either. I think what I’m doing for you is pretty significant.”
That answer fits the classic line men use—“I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t like you”—so perfectly that I can’t help feeling unsettled…
Do you think he sees me as more of a friend with benefits?
For context, we’re very close and see each other about two or three times a week. Most of the time, we just have dinner. He’s had affairs before, but apparently this is the first time he’s supported someone to this extent.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
When you asked him out of concern whether it was something like a friends-with-benefits arrangement, he told you that he wouldn’t rent an apartment for someone he was only having sex with.
To me, it sounds like the man clearly stated that you weren’t just a casual sex partner.
In response, what exactly would he have had to say for you to feel reassured, instead of dismissing it as a typical line from a loser or assuming he saw you as a sex partner?
Honestly, you just came across as a high-maintenance woman.
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If you’re meeting more than 10 times a month, that’s a deeper relationship than most people have with their wife or family.
In a sense, they’re becoming an indispensable presence—almost like a life partner.
From the man’s perspective, she could even become more important than his wife. Because he can continue providing the benefits of an allowance, he may develop even deeper feelings as her happiness keeps growing—unlike with his wife.
I hope your relationship continues to grow closer.
As long as you keep seeing each other this often, I doubt he’ll get bored until you’ve met around a thousand times. If it drops to about once a week, though, things might become a little precarious…
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You need to be careful too. If your papa’s feelings change, you could end up being kicked out of the apartment.
Humans are apparently wired to get tired of a romantic partner after about three years, genetically speaking, so you should probably start being cautious.
If you press the issue too much, the relationship might end. If she starts saying things like, “I feel unsettled—what am I to you?” I’d be scared she might say, “Then take responsibility and marry me.” Honestly, I might want to break things off, lol.
The problem is getting comfortable living in an apartment like that. You should probably start preparing now so you’ll be able to move out when the time comes...
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You’re basically in the position of a second wife or concubine from the days when polygamy was accepted.
Strictly speaking, “friends with benefits” or “mistress” wouldn’t be inaccurate either, but among those, you’re definitely one of the more valued ones.
If you’re both happy, that’s all that matters.
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Are you saying you’d be okay with being a mistress, but not with being friends-with-benefits?
I wasn’t entirely sure what you were asking, but I highly doubt there’s a friend who would rent an apartment for you and pay the rent.
In any case, both “mistress” and “friends-with-benefits” only describe the surface of a relationship. I think it’s important to think carefully about what exactly is bothering you and discuss it with the other person.
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