Hello. I’m a former female member.

That’s quite an intriguing question. I assume you’re convinced that your papa (a male supporter) was the one who passed it on to you. In my opinion, that assumption is more often correct than not. That said, if I received a message like that, I’d be absolutely delighted and send a formal legal notice under an attorney’s name—not only to you, but also to your parents and, if necessary, your company. The message would simply say: “Produce the evidence.” You may think there’s no way they could find out your personal information, but attorneys have investigative authority and can uncover a surprising amount. In practice, though, the actual investigation would be carried out by a private detective agency. On the other hand, what you’re planning to do could potentially constitute a crime, depending on how you go about it—not merely be excessive. If you’re aware of those risks and still intend to proceed, I won’t try to stop you.

Handing a letter to their home is obviously taking things too far. I think there’s a high chance they’ll retaliate harshly. And unless you’re currently a member, asking Universe Club to contact them when you’re a former member is completely unreasonable. You should take precautions against sexually transmitted infections, but even protection isn’t foolproof. If you’re not prepared for that, you shouldn’t get involved in adult relationships (intimate).

Your ex may not have developed symptoms, but he could still be a carrier, so perhaps all you can do is rely on the papa’s response and goodwill. Yikes… It’s scary that he knows your car’s license plate and the home you share with your family. Even if you sent him a letter, if the papa is wealthy, he might retaliate by hiring a lawyer or taking some other action. If I were a woman, the treatment and transportation costs wouldn’t be that much, so I’d probably just pay them myself.

I think your gut feeling that sending a letter would be going too far is correct. Depending on the circumstances, couldn’t that be considered coercion? The club might be willing to pass along a message saying that you contracted an STI, but I don’t think you can ask for anything beyond that. As for “holding back,” when you catch a cold, do you go to the person you suspect and say, “I probably caught this from you, so I’d like you to pay my medical and transportation expenses”?