I’m a married 50-year-old man who does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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I became close with one PJ (papa-katsu girl), and over the course of about four months, we’ve had an adult relationship (intimate) around ten times. We like each other so much that we exchange lovey-dovey messages every day, saying things like, “You’re the only papa for me♪” and “I’m totally crazy about my PJ~.” We often talk as if we don’t want either of us looking for anyone else.
I’m overly conscientious in a strange way, so I ended things with the other PJs I had been seeing and have been meeting only her.
One day, I was chatting with an acquaintance who also does papa-katsu, and he showed me a girl he had found on a site. The profile sounded exactly like the PJ I’m seeing.
Her terms were something like: “Adult relationship (intimate) two or three times, no condoms. I like toys, and I’ve never tried being restrained but I’m interested.”
With me, we’ve had an adult relationship (intimate) three times, always completely vanilla. So I was shocked that she would offer such low terms to someone she had never even met—and that she was okay with no protection.
Then, shamefully, I had my acquaintance make some comments hinting at me during a conversation with her. Apparently, she immediately deleted her account.
When I met her afterward, I pretended not to know anything. But she kept insisting that the site she hadn’t used recently had been hacked and caused a huge mess, and that someone had negotiated the terms without her permission. She also repeatedly acted sweet and said, “You’re the only papa for me♪,” so she seemed extremely afraid that I had found out.
She’s my absolute favorite PJ, so I’m not sure what to do. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else who is as cute and devoted as she is. But even though she deleted her account, the thought that she might still be looking for other papas somewhere I don’t know about leaves me with complicated feelings.
I suppose this is just how papa-katsu works, but maybe I’m being too innocent about it. There’s really nothing I can justify, especially since I’m married and have no right to say anything. Still, it’s starting to make me lose faith in people…
Is this just what papa-katsu is like? (;^_^A)
That’s probably just how it is.
I think she needs the money.
You might be better off seeing multiple women too, so you don’t become too emotionally invested in one person.
Getting hung up on just one probably won’t work. That’s papa-katsu, after all.
If she’s going without protection with that many men, wouldn’t you feel safer using a condom? That’s what I’m thinking.
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I don’t think there’s any point in overthinking things when it hasn’t even been confirmed that your PJ and the PJ on the site are the same person.
It’s pretty common for photos and other details to look similar.
If it were me, I’d tell myself, “There’s absolutely no way they’re the same person,” and continue seeing my beloved PJ.
The more you try to uncover the truth, the more unhappy everyone will become.
—It’s Me
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You’re losing faith in people over something like that?
An older guy who’s honest, trusting, easily hurt, and a little too easy to fool is kind of adorable.
And a little creepy, too.
“Honestly, that’s just what PJs are like.”
I’d love to go out for drinks with him, commiserate, and let him vent.
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I’m a married woman in my 50s who’s also in a mistress-style papa-katsu arrangement.
That must have been quite a shock… You have my deepest sympathy.
But the crane weaving cloth in my home says this:
“You’ve seen something you were never meant to see.”
As long as he has feelings for you, you can remain in the dream.
You want to know how he really feels?
I see, I see…
Then, as Seattle suggested, why not try one of two options: offer a very generous allowance, or drastically lower it?
If you still want to keep dreaming, perhaps it’s best to leave things alone.
Though, if I were in your position, I’d quit such a risky arrangement and move on to the next one. (Oops, my true feelings slipped out!)
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As things stand, if you’re both satisfied, I don’t think there’s any need to ask for more.
After all,
> An adult relationship about 10 times over roughly four months
If that’s almost the same as the number of times you’ve met, then both of your objectives are clear: an adult relationship and an allowance.
You can send as many messages or LINE texts as you want for that purpose.
> She’s so cute and devoted to me.
She may not be an amateur but rather a professional—or even a papa-katsu pro…
It’s only natural that she would be looking for someone who can provide an allowance, and I think you should recognize that you’re in the position of supporting her in that.
If both of you are seeking a relationship beyond just an allowance and an adult relationship, then the nature of that relationship may well be different.
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That’s probably about what you can expect.
If you really like her, try negotiating a monthly allowance of several hundred thousand yen so you can have her exclusively.
If that’s not possible, you’ll just have to give up on having an exclusive arrangement with a popular woman. If you keep seeing her, you’ll probably pick up something eventually, so you should end things.
She’s probably sending those lovey-dovey messages to plenty of men every day.
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Don’t you think it depends on the person and the circumstances?
Not every man in the world is married or does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Everyone has their own lifestyle, and your own lifestyle can change over time too. Saying “That’s just what papa-katsu is like” is a pretty careless generalization.
It’s not that your way of thinking is too innocent—you simply haven’t thought it through.
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