I apologize if this is similar to a question that’s already been posted.
The third time I met this papa (a male supporter), he hugged me tightly and passionately told me, “I want you to be my girlfriend!” He says it every time, but—
Basically, doesn’t that mean, “I don’t want to pay you anymore, so let me sleep with you for free”?
I haven’t asked him directly, but that’s how it came across to me, so I ended the relationship.
If you’ve ever felt this way or been told something similar, I’d appreciate your thoughts—even if it’s just speculation. Was my interpretation wrong?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I can’t say for sure, but if that’s how you feel and you have other offers, I think it’s perfectly fine to move on.
Choose a good papa (a male supporter) who doesn’t seem like he’ll become a hassle.
One of the good things about papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is that women have the right to choose, so make sure to exercise that right and enjoy your papa-katsu.
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So basically, “I don’t want to pay you, so let me sleep with you for free,” right?
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Well, I can’t say that’s impossible, but I don’t think that’s necessarily the case.
It could be due to his financial situation, the nature of your relationship, his age, or various other factors. My guess is that he probably wasn’t being completely serious.
Though, bringing it up after only meeting three times… he’s got some nerve too（笑）
I do think it would’ve been better to clarify his intentions and see how things played out.
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It’s fairly common for the allowance to continue even after you’ve agreed to become boyfriend and girlfriend.
That said, I think this kind of relationship only works when there’s mutual trust and genuine affection. So if you’ve only met three times, I wouldn’t say the questioner’s interpretation is wrong—or rather, I think the right thing is to follow your feelings.
I’ve confessed my feelings to women I met through a papa-katsu-type arrangement, and I’ve also had women confess to me. But I wouldn’t confess just because I wanted free sex, and when someone confesses to me, I don’t think, “I’ve chosen you! Free sex, here I come!”
When it comes to confessing your feelings after meeting through a papa-katsu-type relationship, in my experience, you don’t go straight from that arrangement to being lovers. Even if you confess, you should first become friends. Then, after establishing a friendship, you can confess a second time and see whether you’ll become a couple.
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The person before my current papa (a male supporter) was exactly like that.
He was way too intense about liking me, way too possessive—he wanted me to be his only one, told me to leave the site, and even said we should live together…
He got attached quickly and lost interest just as quickly. It was honestly a real hassle.
My current one also tells me to leave the site, though. Haha.
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I think the questioner’s guess is probably spot-on. You might as well have punched him in the face.
I suspect it’s because you handled the situation so well—and I’m worried the same thing may happen again in the future. The reason is that I, too, used to be the kind of guy who said things like that, shamefully enough. I deeply regret it.
We older guys either don’t realize—or actively pretend not to realize—that even if we could become your boyfriend, it would cost twice as much as being your papa (a male supporter).
So I have one request: if something like this happens again, please punch him with your fist while shouting, “Wake up, you old geezer!” Thank you.
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I don’t know whether it was actually a mistake, but as the other respondents have said, it wouldn’t have been too late to confirm his intentions and cut ties if you weren’t satisfied with his explanation.
That said, I hope you’re not in a difficult position without a papa (a male supporter).
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- I want you to see only me.
- I want a genuine romantic relationship.
- I want to do it for free.
I’m not sure what he was thinking when he said those things, but he does seem a little unusual. I understand why your feelings cooled off, too.
In that situation, you might have been able to continue the relationship by saying, “You’re already a proper boyfriend to me.”
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It may have been a misunderstanding.
After all, he didn’t say, “I don’t want to pay you, so let’s have sex for free.” That’s just the questioner’s speculation.
There are many different definitions of what a boyfriend is, so I think it would have been better to ask, “What do you mean by wanting me to be your boyfriend?” and find out what he had in mind.
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