Do you think “gachi-koi” means falling so deeply for someone that you want to leave your current wife and marry them?
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My papa (a male supporter) says he genuinely likes me and is always thinking about me, but he doesn’t seem to want to divorce his wife and be with me.
In a way, it’s reassuring that he doesn’t seem seriously in love with me, but it also feels lonely, as though I’m just being conveniently used for fun.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
It seems like you’re enjoying yourself while handling things smartly and gracefully. Since there’s no need for a breakup, I hope your relationship continues to go well♪
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Let me answer from a man’s perspective.
Here are a few guesses about your papa’s deeper feelings:
1. He has absolutely no intention of getting divorced.
2. He wants to get divorced, but it’s too much trouble.
3. Now that he’s finally divorced, he has no desire to remarry.
4. He’s genuinely in love, but doesn’t see marriage as the ultimate goal.
5. You have your whole future ahead of you, so he feels bad about asking you to marry an older man.
6. The relationship works because it has certain limitations.
7. He’d probably get bored if you remarried, and that scares him.
There are probably plenty of other possibilities, but these are just the ones that came to mind.
Based on what you’ve written, it seems that your papa really cares about you. So I think the first possibility is unlikely.
That said, marriage is a social institution, and ending one involves paperwork and a lot of emotional energy. Perhaps he simply doesn’t see remarriage as the ultimate goal. He may have some practical considerations too, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s just playing with you. Don’t you think?
You may feel a little lonely at times, but I hope this exciting relationship continues smoothly without any trouble.
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He sounds like an excellent papa (a male supporter).
That’s quite a luxurious problem to have.
It’s better than having him genuinely fall for you, get divorced, pressure you to marry him, or become a stalker. Plus, he tells you he truly likes you, so it’s not like he’s only after your body.
Wouldn’t he be the most suitable kind of papa for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
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Thank you for your question. I’ll answer as Maezawa as well.
The man in question hasn’t actually said that he’s “seriously in love” with you, has he? If that’s the case, I don’t think there’s much point in focusing on the exact definition of the term.
For example, if he didn’t have a wife, it would simply be “serious” love. Even if he does have a wife, it could still be genuine love.
Some people may consider whether to leave their wife as a separate issue, while others may not.
In this case, you’ve been told that “he genuinely likes me and is always thinking about me,” so I assume you want to know how seriously you should take that information.
I do think it’s possible that he genuinely likes you and is always thinking about you.
However, whether he will get divorced is a separate issue. A man who falls in love easily may genuinely develop strong feelings for several women.
It also seems possible that although he becomes emotionally invested, giving you an allowance helps him keep himself in check.
You haven’t said that you want to marry him, so I assume marriage isn’t what you’re looking for.
If that’s the case, I don’t think you need to feel lonely about the current situation.
If he likes you that much, it seems perfectly fine to feel satisfied with that.
If you want to find out whether he’s telling the truth, you could try asking him for something expensive. However, there’s also a chance that the relationship could end because of it, so you should consider that possibility as well.
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Haha! I’m probably on Basil’s side too（笑）
In my case, rather than falling seriously in love, I was looking for someone who would engage in a sincere relationship with me.
Instead of both of us dating lots of different people, I wanted someone who would limit their partners and stay together a little longer. That’s what led me to register with the club.
Once we started seeing each other, I somehow ended up in a one-on-one relationship with a woman who shared my values. There’s an age gap of over 40 years, and we’ve been together for five years—with no sign of it ending.
I suppose it’s about time we started thinking about how to bring the adult relationship to an end…
When it comes to genuinely falling for someone through a dating club, the relationship won’t continue unless both people feel it’s worthwhile.
I don’t see the relationship as just a game, and I don’t feel that the woman I’m seeing is playing with me either.
Besides, I see it as something completely different from marriage—or divorce, for that matter.
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My reason for signing up is to keep meeting reasonably cute girls rather than looking for someone serious, rotating through them one after another.
No matter how close we become, I have absolutely no intention of disrupting my current life or creating complications to be with someone from the club.
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I think your feelings for someone and whether or not you get divorced are two separate issues.
Marriage is a matter of legal institution, and it isn’t necessarily limited to a one-on-one relationship with your spouse.
“True love” means having such intense romantic feelings that you lose self-control and can no longer see what’s going on around you. That’s probably why you feel reassured when it doesn’t seem like the feelings are that serious.
A relationship involving an allowance is, in my view, a convenient arrangement for having fun.
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