I recently started looking for a marriage partner, and it’s made me wonder whether men expect women to be serious even though they themselves are often players.

I’m divorced, and marriage is hell, so you’re better off not getting married. Even if you’re single, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.

The fact that you’re asking this here means you’re one of the carefree types too. I’m no different—I’m answering your question and I’m also a member of a club… There’s no single right way to live, so I think it’s important to accept yourself, including your past.

In general, I think there are far fewer carefree, flirtatious men than there are men who aren’t like that. They just stand out more. That’s how it seems when I look around, including at my own company. That said, having money does tend to make men more likely to become carefree, so I think the proportion goes up. The reason you feel that men are so carefree may be the result of women—including yourself—expecting men to have money. Given that people need to make a living, I suppose that’s only natural. Also, I feel that men either have their fun while they’re in their twenties, or they get their finances controlled by their wives and become emasculated. Once they have children, they probably won’t have the financial freedom to play around in the same way anyway. What counts as “normal” and how people measure happiness vary from person to person. Among the women I’ve had this kind of relationship with, some have gotten married and had children. There are also people my age who have never done anything like this but still haven’t been able to get married, as well as people who got married and later divorced. In a diversified society like today’s, I don’t think doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) alone significantly changes someone’s chances of getting married. To answer your question: I’m already married, so I’m not looking for a partner. I’m not living for my parents, and as a parent myself, I want my children to live for themselves—not for me. If the alternative is marrying someone half-heartedly and struggling after having children, I think it’s better not to do it at all.