My papa (a married man in his 60s) keeps asking me to let him take nude photos of me. I’ve firmly told him that photos are absolutely off-limits, but he says, “Men are stimulated visually, and when we’re apart, I want to look at the photos and remember the times we were intimate.” I’m at a loss because he won’t stop asking.

The answer is incredibly simple: you need to refuse, and refuse firmly. And even if you knew about men’s general sexual preferences, I doubt your feelings would change. Of course, I’m not making fun of you. You may have circumstances that make it difficult to part ways with this papa (a male supporter), or perhaps you feel unable to say, “Then I’m ending things.” But I think this matter is more than enough reason to break things off. From the way you describe it, your papa doesn’t seem to understand that. Please find the courage to teach this clueless man a lesson.

I don’t personally want to record moaning, but I’m sure there are people who do. I enjoy making sex tapes too, but it’s not that I get aroused by watching them—the act of making them itself is what I enjoy. So I may watch them with my partner afterward and enjoy them together, but that’s all. People have different ways of thinking about these things. That’s why, as I’ve said repeatedly, I think questions like “Do men…?” are foolish. There are several women who enjoy making sex tapes with me. So imagine how you’d feel if someone asked you, “Do women like making sex tapes?” Everyone is different. I think people who haven’t grasped this simple fact will have a hard time maintaining a happy relationship. They should just break up with someone who keeps making them uncomfortable.

I don’t understand why he wants to take pictures when he’s married. It’s perfectly fine to say goodbye to a papa who makes you feel that uneasy. Falling asleep in each other’s arms is such a comforting, peaceful experience… He may get aroused visually, but since you’re someone he can actually meet, there’s no need for him to keep your pictures—especially if it means taking that risk. In fact, not being able to look at them might make him even more excited when you meet.

I’m Shiro-Usa, a new answerer. His wife is probably in her 60s too, right? If his infidelity is exposed, you could end up under suspicion. Since he can afford to be a papa (a male supporter), he probably has a decent income, so if that happens, the compensation claimed by both sides could be substantial. Also, as you’re worried about, it could turn into revenge porn. Tell him, “If you’re going to say things like that, we won’t be able to meet anymore.” Sure, I have those desires too, but you shouldn’t cross the line when it comes to the morals of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).

Men are apparently stimulated by visual information, so I think there’s an inherent issue there. That’s probably why the AV industry has developed so extensively, and why criminal penalties for secretly filming people have been strengthened so much. Basically, I think it’s fine to stand firm and refuse every time—be an unwavering no. When you sleep, cuddle up lovingly. Keep your legs intertwined as well as your hands, so you’ll notice immediately if he moves. If his urges are that strong, he might secretly do it even after being refused, so you should be careful about hidden cameras. Keep the room as dark as possible, take showers together whenever you can, and don’t take your eyes off him once you’re back in the room. Continue this for at least six months, until those urges subside. I think that’s the standard approach. That said, rather than grilling him so intensely that the subject becomes impossible to bring up again, it may be wiser to give him some room and gauge how strong his desires are. Information leaks are a problem too, but if he can satisfy himself with videos without meeting you, wouldn’t that put you out of business? You might try charging per video or a monthly fee while allowing him to watch them, but escaping through illegal copies has been a problem not only for the AV industry but also for the music industry for more than a decade. That’s why the music industry has been shifting toward live events. So I think it’s important to keep pushing the message: “If you want to get excited, you should meet me more often—for a fee, of course♪” By the way, even in the worst-case scenario, if a video were leaked, there’s so much adult content available nowadays that you couldn’t watch it all in a lifetime. Amateur videos and secretly filmed videos are also in a highly competitive market, even if you try to monetize them on sites like FC2. Unless they’re exceptionally high quality or the creator has a very extensive lineup, I doubt they’d become content that large numbers of people watch. People who have never experienced being a content creator may not understand this, but even if something is leaked, I can almost say with confidence that statistically, it probably won’t become a situation worth worrying about. Of course, it’s best if nothing is leaked—but hopefully that offers at least a little reassurance. Taro

It’s probably better to have photos or recordings than nothing. Men are visual creatures, after all, so the brighter it is, the better. You could weigh the risk of them being shared and say, “I’d be okay with it if you paid me ¥X million,” which might make him back off.