My papa (a male supporter) has invited me on a trip to Macau. How can I turn him down gracefully?
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He wants to spend three days and two nights gambling at a casino. He’ll cover my allowance, airfare, and hotel, but says I have to pay for the gambling myself. When I asked how much I’d need, he said around ¥100,000 should be enough to have fun…
He’s a pay-per-meeting papa who usually gives me ¥150,000, so if I lose money, I could end up with only ¥50,000 in allowance despite it being a trip. That would be devastating.
The allowance would be the same as usual even though it’s a three-day, two-night trip. More than anything, I really don’t want to spend that much time with him.
He’s completely smitten with me, and last night he sent me a barrage of LINE messages saying, “Let’s go July 15–17. Send me your passport number and date of birth.”
I’ve been leaving him on read—or rather, not even opening the messages—but he just called a little while ago, so I need to reply soon.
Is there a good way to turn him down without hurting his feelings?
For the record, when he brought up the Macau trip, I never said anything to encourage him, like “That sounds great! I’d love to go.”
Wouldn’t it be fine to go for three days and two nights, as long as you just don’t gamble at the casino?
Since it’s not somewhere you can easily visit on your own budget, why not make the most of the opportunity and enjoy yourself?
They said they’d cover your airfare and hotel, but did they also say they’d give you an allowance? I wonder if the allowance has been replaced with the airfare and hotel costs.
I’ve been told we should go to America for a week around the end of this year, and I’m already worried that I might get fired if I take that much time off work.
How should I turn him down?
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Traveling is hell if you don’t go with someone you can actually enjoy being around.
Leaving someone on unread is the absolute worst. If you’re going to turn them down, the sooner the better—even if it’s just by a minute. Either say no right away when they first ask, or quote them something outrageous, like ¥500,000.
P.S. Ayase Nana, if you get fired, maybe you should just ask him to support you.
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You seem to be writing about various things, but it feels like you’re really just trying to emphasize that you get an allowance of 150,000 yen per pay-per-meeting arrangement.
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Honestly, I’m already losing the motivation to answer when the condition is “don’t hurt the other person.” Why? Because it really just means they don’t want to get hurt themselves, and I don’t like the nerve of asking for such an advanced level of advice for free. They’ve definitely got their brains dripping out.
If you take “without hurting anyone” out of the equation, it’s incredibly simple: just assert, with everything you’ve got, that you don’t want to go, without being afraid of hurting them. I’m sure you already know this, but two nights is brutally exhausting—especially if it’s an overseas trip. You can’t exactly make a quick escape, either, lol.
Neither you nor your papa (a male supporter) will be happy, so please refuse as firmly as you can, without worrying about being disliked. You’ve got this!
I’ve only been to Macau once, so I can’t say for sure, but I don’t really see what’s so appealing about it. I don’t gamble, and compared with Hong Kong, the food isn’t even that good—though maybe I just don’t know the good restaurants. I always thought Macau was the kind of place middle-aged men with wandering eyes go together, anyway.
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