“Why am I having sex with an older man I don’t even like…?” I end up feeling really depressed. Maybe papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) just isn’t for me?

Hmm… In your case, I think you’d be better off quitting. I understand that it varies from woman to woman, but there’s an age gap of more than 40 years between me and my partner. When we first started seeing each other, I was concerned too, and asked her several times whether it bothered her. She said it didn’t, which put my mind at ease. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Please move forward on a different path.

With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you can choose a papa (a male supporter) who wants an adult relationship (intimate). Unlike in the sex industry, you’re not forced to have one if you don’t want to. So if even choosing your papa still feels painful, quit before it takes a toll on your mental health and find a regular job.

You’re not cut out for it. But the fact that you’re having sex with an older man you don’t even like means you clearly have incredible talent and determination. I think you should put those qualities to use elsewhere.

If you need the money, you’ll just have to put up with it and do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). If you hate being with older men, quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). You’ll end up emotionally burned out.

If you try quitting papa-katsu and dating that senior coworker, you might end up wondering, “Why am I having sex without getting paid?” It’s just a case of the grass seeming greener on the other side. If you genuinely fell for someone, you’d naturally quit papa-katsu without coming here to ask for advice. Also, you may not be very sexually experienced yet, so perhaps you’re not enjoying sex itself. If you happened to meet a papa (a male supporter) who was good in bed or sexually compatible with you, you probably wouldn’t be struggling with this either.

I’ll venture an answer first thing in the morning. I can’t say whether you’re suited to it or not, but I think your feelings are perfectly normal. Though perhaps I’m not in a position to say that. Several women have confessed feeling the same way to me. However, every one of them eventually said, “But I got used to it.” One woman even told me, “At first, whenever I looked at my bank balance, I couldn’t stop crying because I thought, ‘So this amount is proportional to the number of times I’ve spread my legs.’ But now I can’t stop grinning.” So there’s a good chance you’ll get used to it too, before long. Whether that would be a good or bad thing for you, I can’t say. Why do you want money? If it’s to achieve a specific dream, you may not feel guilty about it. Joe suspects that quite a few women do papa-katsu without any particular goal. Saying “I’m worried about the future” is, in my opinion, a pretty brain-melting reason. Why? Because it makes me want to ask, “When exactly is this future supposed to be?!” To me, people in this vague, aimless group seem more likely to become emotionally unwell or spend their money poorly. But I suppose that’s none of my business. So let me ask you a question in return: why do you want money? Why not try asking yourself that? Want to enjoy some luxury? → Nothing wrong with that. Go all out. Half measures won’t do. For the future? → Your brain is melting. But I’ll let it slide if you mean the next three years. That’s close enough to predict and imagine to some extent. Think about what you want to do during that time and how much it will cost to make it happen. Finally, here’s my motto: “Someday never comes.” People often say “someday,” but someday never actually arrives. Try saying the days of the week in English, from Sunday to Saturday. Is “someday” in there? The first step toward a goal is deciding which day of the week to work on it. Personally, Joe chooses Saturday. Every Saturday, I make sure to think about and take action toward my future—within the next three years, that is. You’re young, so keep at it! You don’t have time to wallow in self-loathing! P.S. That doesn’t mean I’m recommending papa-katsu. You’ll have to make that decision for yourself.

As you suspected, I don’t think it’s right for you.