How should I turn him down after he’s treated me to dinner or given me gifts, if he crosses a line?

So, your arrangement is that you go to a hotel with your supporter, do anything except penetration. That’s exactly where the key to making this arrangement work lies: managing the man’s desires. Men tend to think that if they become close enough with you, penetration will eventually be possible. So, little by little, they’ll try to break down your boundaries without making you dislike them. That said, if you insist that it’s absolutely off-limits, the relationship will end there. But if you’re too accommodating, you may end up being penetrated. With that in mind, I think it’s better to set a time limit first—six months or a year, for example. Until then, maintain the relationship without penetration and communicate well. Then, after six months or a year, tell him firmly: “I like you, but I still don’t want penetration going forward. If you continue bringing up that possibility, I won’t be able to see you anymore.” I think it’s best to be clear and firm like that. I suspect about 90% of men will stop contacting you after that, and that will be the end of the relationship. The reason for setting a deadline is so that you can find another man during that time. However, if you’ve maintained a relationship for six months or a year without penetration, you could also choose to accept it after that. That ultimately depends on how you feel about it. Between seeing someone for years on a dinner-only basis and seeing someone for years in a naked but non-penetrative relationship, I actually feel that the former may be easier. At the beginning, a naked relationship without penetration may be more manageable, but if you’re thinking long-term, dinner-only seems like the easier option.

Hotels are basically places for adult relationships. You’re alone together in a private room, so you never know what might happen. If you’re in cosplay and get raped by two people at a hotel, it seems like you wouldn’t even be able to complain. As Joe-sama pointed out, Ayase Nana immediately thought the same thing.

Going to a hotel room when you have no intention of having sex is disrespectful to the man you’re seeing. This may be hard to understand since it comes from the mindset of men of the Showa era, but I’m not trying to deny today’s norms. It’s simply a cultural difference between generations. Keep that in mind.

Stage One: Refuse Lightheartedly Say something like, “Eek! Come on, stop it! You said you wouldn’t do anything like that,” and refuse in a lighthearted way. Even if they try to force themselves on you, keep resisting while saying things like, “Seriously, stop. I really mean it.” Psychologically, you should switch into combat mode at this stage. Do not allow the assault to proceed, but show them a way to back down while saving face: “You went a little too far, but we can laugh this off if you stop now.” If you can reach your phone, start recording audio or video. It could serve as evidence. Stage Two: Half-Enraged This is the stage where you intensify your resistance while saying things like, “You’re really starting to make me angry.” They’re still underestimating you, so an attack is more likely to land, but openly declaring war could be dangerous. Make it seem as though your resistance simply went a little too far. You could even hit them as if your hand slipped in the heat of the moment, but the best targets are the eyes or groin. If you’re about to be knocked down, a knee strike to the groin is effective. You don’t need to think about aiming precisely at the eyes—any contact with the eyeball will cause damage. If it works and they double over, don’t think about attacking further. Get away immediately and ask someone for help. Stage Three: Truly Enraged Even if you can’t stop them and the situation becomes critical, keep refusing until the very end. However, openly confronting them or cornering them can be dangerous, so continue to reject them without directly provoking them. It’s okay to cry. Above all, prioritize escaping the situation, even if that means partially satisfying their desires. Afterward, report the incident to the club first. If you’ve been injured, you can also file a report with the police, but don’t expect much action if they treat it as merely a civil matter. Still, contact the other person and scare them by saying, “I’ve consulted the police.” Even if they know your personal information, being told that the police have already been contacted makes it harder for them to take further action. If they’re middle-aged and reasonably well-off, they probably have something to lose. The greatest deterrent is making it clear that if they lay a hand on you, it will become a police matter and they could lose everything. As the other respondents have said, the best outcome is to avoid getting into that kind of situation in the first place. But I assumed the question was asking what to do if it does happen, so I answered from that perspective. I hope this helps. Taro

I’m very sorry, but let me say one thing first: “Are you perhaps an idiot?” Excuse me. Now that I’ve calmed down, allow me to offer my answer. To begin with, the other party’s papa (a male supporter) clearly has some serious issues. However, I don’t know what kind of cosplay you did, but of course he was going to get aroused. Lesson 1: If you don’t want to kiss—let alone have an adult relationship (intimate)—then you should absolutely never have a cosplay date in a hotel room. On this point, I have some sympathy for the papa. Lesson 2: If you “don’t intend to see him again,” then thinking about what to do when you meet him is nonsense. Instead, focus on ways to avoid seeing him altogether. Lesson 3: As for “he might figure out which university I attend,” the possibility isn’t zero, but it’s extremely low. Of course, I understand why you feel anxious, and women can find themselves in dangerous situations more often than men imagine. If you sense any danger, don’t hesitate to consult the nearest larger police station. The key is not to hesitate. Ask for a female police officer, too. Incidentally, try to go for a consultation on a weekday before around 4 p.m., and avoid the lunch hour. Lesson 4: The whole reason this situation happened in the first place is that you agreed to the cosplay. There’s no doubt the papa’s brain was running wild, but your mistake was agreeing to the cosplay. At least you’ve learned a valuable lesson. I’ll say it one more time: you must never see him again. In my opinion, the risk of meeting him again is far greater than the risk of never seeing him again.

You should refuse kissing the same way you refused sex. If you’re not good at turning men down, I think you should avoid doing anything borderline, like going to a hotel with a man. You should also avoid accepting gifts or having men with ulterior motives pay for you. Taking risks is something people do when they understand those risks and know how to handle them properly. Next time, you can simply say, “I can’t meet with someone who doesn’t keep their promises.”