I’m a new member of the club.

I think you should be able to tell by the third date at the latest. That applies even to the new B1 type. Men tend to assume that dating means an adult relationship (intimate). But isn’t it normal for women to hope they can continue seeing someone for dinner only (no intimacy), if possible? Also, if you were giving her 20,000 yen for dinner, that’s probably enough allowance to make her think that was all she needed to receive.

Here’s the blunt truth: in this case, it probably means the person asking simply didn’t make enough of an impression. Whether it was their looks or something else, you could ask and use the feedback as a reference for next time. Well, if a woman from a dating club likes what she sees, she’ll say, “Adult relationship is okay!” (lol) She said women can make up their minds within a few minutes of meeting someone, so the woman in front of you had probably already made her decision too. The verdict is: “Rejected!” (lol) On to the next one! That’s one of the good things about dating clubs.

If you think about it a little, you’ll probably understand. There are a certain number of women who imply they’re open to an adult relationship (intimate), then try to get an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy). As frustrating as it is, I think you were simply led along and played into her hands. If you’re looking for an adult relationship (intimate), women like her are difficult to deal with, so end things and move on to your next offer. You should decide on a cutoff for ending an arrangement—after the second meeting, the third, or whatever feels right—and give up if it still doesn’t work by then. Alternatively, you could only make offers to women with dating type C (or the new D), couldn’t you?

> What terms do you meet under during the period when you’re getting a feel for each other? I’m also looking for connections that go beyond the club framework, so with B-type women, I’m fine with things progressing on the first date, the second, the fourth or fifth, or even a year later. I actually welcome type misrepresentation. I don’t bring up terms or ask about an adult relationship myself. With each woman, I simply leave the timing up to the flow of things. If things progress on the very first date, I may discuss terms, but basically, it depends on how things develop—and even after moving on to an adult relationship, I still go by the flow of the day. If you view dating as automatically meaning an adult relationship, I don’t think you’ll be able to enjoy the freedom of B-type arrangements. It would end up being a relationship where both sides are just comparing terms, so I think you should be offering to C-type women or New B2 and above. Also, your terms are generally sufficient. If you have no issues with your cleanliness and presentation—including the way you eat and speak—or with being considerate, things should progress smoothly. That said, based on your recent experience of having an adult relationship turned down, I think you may need to identify something you can improve. And if you’ve only just joined, it’s perfectly natural to think of dating as meaning an adult relationship, especially since that was your reason for joining. It’s also understandable that you’re anxious to get results quickly and want to achieve that goal. If you continue to act calmly, I think you’re in a position to enjoy dating even more than you expected. Once you let go of those fixed assumptions, you’ll likely find the dating club far more enjoyable than you imagined.

It’s understandable for beginners to feel confused, but in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), there’s a concept called “locking in the relationship.” The more often a woman goes on dinner dates with a man, the more resistant she may become to taking things further with him into an adult relationship (intimate). This is different from ordinary dating, where no money is involved. Though even in regular relationships, people can become “just friends,” leading to the whole “I see you as a friend, so I can’t imagine an adult relationship with you” situation. It’s similar to that. Some men want to experience gradually closing the distance and finally winning a woman over, just as they would when courting normally—or they assume that’s how women should be courted. But that’s a common trap for beginners. Since you got her agreement to “adult 5” on the second meeting, you should’ve just gone ahead and done H on the third. Actually, you should’ve done it on the very day you agreed to it. That said, if she’s a virgin or has very little experience, and the man wasn’t expecting an adult relationship to begin with and simply wanted to enjoy dinner dates—something that’s actually fairly common lately, with so-called herbivore papas—then having H for the first time a year into the relationship can happen too. The best approach in this kind of arrangement is to get H out of the way early, then build the relationship afterward and enjoy the pseudo-romance. Remember that.

In my case, I generally meet for dinner only once, with a ¥10,000 transportation allowance. From the second meeting onward, I only provide an allowance when sex is involved. There’s no allowance when we meet for dinner only. I believe relationships can take many different forms depending on the people involved, so I don’t think dating necessarily means an adult relationship.

I think the person asking this question made a mistake—or perhaps the facts differ from what they wrote. > “We started seeing each other on the understanding that, from next time onward, it would be 50,000 yen for an adult relationship and 20,000 yen for dinner.” If that’s what was agreed, then I think you should have gone to a hotel the next time. However, later you wrote: > “She also pointed out that it was wrong to assume that dating automatically meant an adult relationship.” That contradicts the agreement of 50,000 yen for an adult relationship. So I wonder whether what you actually told her at the time differed from what you’ve written here. For example, if the agreement was “50,000 yen when it becomes an adult relationship, and 20,000 yen for meals,” then it’s understandable that she interpreted it as a relationship that didn’t necessarily involve an adult relationship. In other words, it ends up sounding like you agreed to see each other for 20,000 yen for dinner only. (Perhaps your interpretation is that she would expect 50,000 yen only if she wanted an adult relationship?) With that in mind, I think you should at least have said something like, “Next time, let’s go to a hotel.” That way, if there had been a misunderstanding, you would have realized it then. And if there hadn’t been one, you probably could have had a hotel date. It’s also possible that, since all five previous dates had been dinners, she assumed you were fine with dinner-only arrangements. It’s hard to say. But if you were born in the Showa era, even in ordinary dating there used to be talk about deciding what to do by the third date or so. How have you been dating women until now? Are you one of those herbivore men who are popular these days? If so, then you should simply continue dating in that herbivore style. > “I thought dating meant ‘dating = an adult relationship,’ but is that a minority opinion at dating clubs?” Dating is dating. That’s precisely why there are different types—A, B, C, and so on—depending on what kind of relationship you want. If you believe that dating means an adult relationship, then you should have offered to women with dating type C or D. I don’t understand why you would offer to someone with type B, where it’s generally understood that dating does not mean an adult relationship. Please think more carefully about the dating types before making offers. If you’re not good at figuring that out, then you’re better suited to inviting women out in ordinary dating situations, so please recognize that your way of thinking is mistaken. Besides, if your view is correct, then dating types wouldn’t be necessary at all, would they? For people like you, I almost wish the site could be set so that you could only see dating types C and D... Oh, you mentioned that you just joined. In that case, from now on, I think you should only make offers to women with dating type C or D.

She’s being far too opportunistic, and you’ve simply had bad luck. You got caught by one of the dinner-only hunters who are common on these apps. If you enjoyed talking with her, you could have continued. But if you didn’t, you should have ended it after the third meeting. There are plenty of others out there, so just keep making offers to new women.