As the hotel elevator doors were closing, a woman came running toward it, clearly wanting to get in. But the papa (a male supporter) standing near the buttons didn’t press the open-door button. He just watched her with a straight face until the doors closed.

Question

Later, we saw a mother walking with a small baby. I said to my papa, “It must be hard being a mother. She’s doing an amazing job,” but he replied, “That’s just what she’s supposed to do.” He’s married and has a daughter about my age. We’ve been seeing each other for a year, but lately, these little things he says and does have started to bother me. Even when I disagree with him, he won’t see things my way. There’s no chance he’ll change, is there? He used to be much kinder. Is there something wrong with me?

Answer 1

Even if they don’t want their time with the person asking the question to be interrupted, people who act based solely on their own feelings still leave me thinking, “That’s disappointing.” And men who dismiss things by telling women raising children, “That’s only natural,” are disappointing too. It makes me think, “Ah, so that’s why he became a papa-katsu papa…” I also feel that if he ever decided he didn’t like me, he’d probably treat me the same way. Those little words and actions really matter, and I think they reveal a lot about what someone is truly like. Akari

Answer 2

If I were commenting on the papa’s behavior, I’d want to point out how he shut down the conversation with, “Well, obviously.” Maybe you were trying to get out of that awkward situation through a back-and-forth conversation? Rather than arguing with the papa, I think responding with humor could help you take a step forward ^_^ It’s me

Answer 3

If it bothers you, you need to look for someone who shares your values. However, when you consider whether someone with the exact same values even exists—or whether you’ll be able to find them—it may be better to become more accepting. If you keep dwelling on it, it’ll only build up stress. I think you’ll be happier if you work on changing yourself and become more tolerant. There are all kinds of ways of thinking in this world, so it would be good if you could learn to accept that. That said, there is also the paradox of tolerance, so I do think it’s necessary to draw the line somewhere. And you’re free to choose what kind of person you want to date.

Answer 4

This overlaps with Taro’s answer. I think you should stop putting your own feelings and opinions at the center and becoming upset when other people don’t feel or think the same way you do. I also found it very troubling that you’re judging someone else’s kindness based on that. These are the kinds of thoughts an immature person would have. Moreover, trying to change someone else’s sensibilities to match your own is incredibly arrogant. You should also understand that your feelings and opinions aren’t necessarily right from everyone else’s perspective. To answer your question simply: I think you’re the one with the problem. I don’t mean that he changed because there’s something wrong with you, which may be what you were asking. I mean that the problem is your dissatisfaction with the fact that he has changed. I hope you can grow into an adult who is able to accept that other people may have different feelings and opinions.

Answer 5

Besides not wanting to be interrupted, since COVID, unless it’s a crowded place like a busy downtown area or department store, it’s become normal to wait for the next elevator rather than get on when a family or several other people are already inside—especially in shopping centers, hotels, and other places with multiple elevators. So, in either case, it’s somewhat ambiguous. If it’s a hotel used by two people, it probably wouldn’t be a business hotel. At a proper hotel, people generally aren’t in such a hurry to get on the elevator in the first place. Even before COVID, some people may have avoided getting in so as not to disturb couples or families. So without more information about the circumstances beyond what’s written in the question, it’s hard to say. Based on these two examples, though, it feels like the questioner is being inflexible and asking an unnecessary question—which is probably why they aren’t getting any answers.

Answer 6

I think in the elevator situation, he simply didn’t want the woman to get on because he didn’t want to be interrupted. As for the child-related situation, he probably found it difficult when he used to take his own children around, but once your circumstances change, you tend to forget what it was like back then. It becomes a fond memory and starts to seem “normal.” When a person’s position changes, their perspective and way of thinking can change too. In this case, if the man ever finds himself in a hurry to catch an elevator that closes before he can get on, or starts taking his grandchildren around, his perspective may change as well. He might even start holding the elevator and saying, “It’s tough, isn’t it?”（笑）

Answer 7

I think the issue is that the person asking the question may be overthinking it. In the first example, I’d think, “Just press the open button, lol,” but that’s about it. The second example seems perfectly normal to me too—they’re just walking. I thought maybe carrying shopping bags in both hands while holding a baby in a sling might be impressive, but if I actually saw it, my first thought would probably be, “Wow, they’ve got a strong core.” Other people are different from you, so they won’t always act the way you want, and they won’t agree with you 100% either. I think accepting that is more constructive than trying to change them. Taro

As the hotel elevator doors were closing, a woman came running toward it, clearly wanting to get in. But the papa (a male supporter) standing near the buttons didn’t press the open-door button. He just watched her with a straight face until the doors closed.

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As the hotel elevator doors were closing, a woman came running toward it, clearly wanting to get in. But the papa (a male supporter) standing near the buttons didn’t press the open-door button. He just watched her with a straight face until the doors closed.

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