Please forgive the trivial question. I know everyone approaches relationships differently, but I’m not very good at juggling multiple partners, so I only have an intimate relationship with one person at a time. I’m married, but my wife and I are no longer intimate. Whenever I start seeing someone, I get tested for STDs every two months.
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Would it be rude to ask the woman I’m about to start seeing to get tested as well?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
I don’t think it’s particularly rude.
Why not discuss offering some additional allowance to cover the cost of the test, transportation, the time she has to spend at the hospital, and even the effort involved in making the appointment?
If you want her to see only you because you’re seeing only one woman, then please provide the allowance she needs as well.
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I’m not sure whether it would be rude to say this, but I’d be quite surprised.
> “I’m always involved with only one person.”
would give the exact opposite impression—it would sound like you’re involved with a lot of people.
Also, at your age, if you say:
> “I’m married, but we’re no longer intimate,”
I don’t think it’s possible to maintain a long-term, enjoyable relationship—including physical intimacy—with another woman. After all, if your wife, one particular woman, no longer wants to have sex or go on dates with you, it’s hard to imagine that those things would be enjoyable for your dating partner either. I think some kind of improvement is necessary so that women can enjoy being with you—even if it’s only with your dating partners.
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I’m a somewhat lost man in my 60s.
I’m now in my late 60s, but I’ve had various tests done, including throat-related ones, and I show the results to my partners. I’m not the type to pressure anyone, so for me, anything involving the throat is more than enough… (笑)
I’ve told her that I’d cover the cost of the tests if she wanted to take them, but I haven’t pushed the matter and have left it at that.
If you’re open to her seeing multiple partners and want a long-term relationship with her, so you’re asking her to take the tests for that reason, then your request might be persuasive. But asking her to do it right from the start… I’m not so sure.
She’ll probably think you’re being difficult. At the very least, it would be better to wait until you’ve safely finished things once before suggesting it. And even then, if you don’t phrase it carefully, she might take it as implying that she herself has a problem.
Wouldn’t it be enough for you to get tested yourself and casually show her the results? That would reassure both her and your wife, wouldn’t it?
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Everyone has their own opinion on things, not just relationships. So even if you ask here whether it’s rude, you can’t know how the person you’re seeing will feel about it.
Personally, I don’t think it’s rude.
I’m open about having other partners, not caring at all if the people I’m seeing have sex with others, occasionally engaging in riskier activities such as group sex, getting tested once a month, and taking additional tests before and after those activities. Many of the women I see also speak candidly about their own situations.
In your case, I think you should show her your own test results, give her money for the testing, and ask her to get tested. For women, I’d recommend having a doctor collect the samples rather than using a mail-in kit where you collect the samples yourself. Women who take the pill apparently sometimes get tested when they go in to have their prescription renewed.
If a woman finds that rude or unpleasant, then perhaps you simply weren’t a good match.
For what it’s worth, I also think it’s important to make sure the woman understands that you genuinely don’t mind if she’s having sex with other people, and to build a relationship where she’ll feel comfortable telling you if she does contract an STI.
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I’m a business owner in my 60s or older, and I may come on a little strong, but whenever I’ve wanted to continue seeing a woman after being intimate with her once, I’ve paid for all of them to get tested for STIs at a clinic I know. That includes throat chlamydia and gonorrhea, so I pay out of pocket rather than using insurance.
Although the person asking is married and currently not intimate with his wife, I think it shows admirable consideration that he wants, at the very least, to avoid causing her any trouble. Wouldn’t it be perfectly reasonable—and even appreciated—to make that request openly to the women he dates?
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