I made an offer from out of town to a B-type college student.

From the woman’s perspective, she’s probably wondering what you’re thinking. Normally, before meeting again, you’d state your terms—something like, “Would you be okay with an adult relationship (intimate) this time?”—and then go meet her, right? As for what she’s thinking, you seem like the type of guy who’s a bit spaced out, so she probably figures she can keep things vague, string you along, and avoid anything intimate. I came back to this Q&A site after a while, and it made me yawn. Marika

I thought Maezawa-san’s answer was excellent. I found Akari-san’s answer convincing too.

If I can enjoy a good meal, I guess I’m willing to meet him—but how am I supposed to answer when he asks what kind of relationship I’m looking for? Can I really say, “I don’t want an adult relationship; I just want dinner and for you to buy me whatever I like. I’m looking for a generous (well-paying) papa!”??? Even when we go shopping, he doesn’t seem like the type to get into “Want me to buy that for you?” mode… Still, I haven’t received any other offers yet, so I might as well have dinner with him in the meantime. Maybe next time he’ll offer to buy me something. But if he continues to act stingy, then I’m out. I guess that’s about how I feel. —Akari

The woman the questioner dated is a B-type woman who leans toward A but hasn’t fully made up her mind. Women like that—A-leaning B-types—are my main focus, but if you’re targeting them, you need to act more strategically. I think you’ve behaved perfectly gentlemanly. However, if you were planning to reach your goal on the third date, perhaps you didn’t make the best use of the first and second dates. In particular, the first date ended with nothing more than a meal—afternoon tea, if I remember correctly. If that’s the case, you never gave her anything to think about regarding an adult relationship, so as far as she was concerned, the first date counted as zero toward that possibility. Then, since you invited her rather abruptly on the second date, it’s hardly surprising that she would say she needed more time to think. If it were me, I’d ask her about her views on adult relationships from the very first date, and I’d also explain my own perspective. A-type and A-leaning B-type women often have reasons for being hesitant about intimacy. It’s interesting to hear them out, and if you can get them to open up about those reasons, you’ll have a better chance of moving toward an adult relationship. Unless you can properly distinguish between women who are only interested in getting money out of you through dinner-only dates and those who aren’t, you won’t be able to build an enjoyable relationship with an A-leaning B-type woman.

Are you simply looking for a woman you can get intimate with, or are you hoping to enjoy a relationship? You need to think about what you’re really looking for first. That’s where it begins. Then ask yourself: what do you have to offer? What’s your particular strength? What do you need to achieve your goal? What would make the woman want to be with you? If you make offers blindly without understanding those things, you may find women who are willing to get intimate with you or who are somewhat compatible physically, but it’s questionable how much of a genuine relationship you’ll actually have. Setting aside C-leaning B types, I’m guessing their profiles probably also mentioned being cautious about an adult relationship (intimate). Whether she’s C-leaning or a B type, the woman will naturally bring up the subject of an adult relationship (intimate) herself, so there’s no need to rush and press her about it. In your case, if you’re going to make an offer to a B type, it would be safer to choose someone whose profile suggests she’s more C-leaning. With a B type, there’s no need to rush. If you continue going on dates, things may naturally progress to a hotel. For a B type who takes the time to build trust that way, there’s usually no particular need to discuss the allowance or its amount. Rather than trying to determine this from the outset, perhaps only men and women who can enjoy the process—and let that gradual connection lead to mutual feelings, almost like foreplay—can truly enjoy this kind of relationship. Since you want to get intimate on the second date or soon after, I suspect you’re unable to enjoy the process of dating itself. I also doubt that you’re making the other person feel safe, comforted, or relaxed. It seems that, in your mind, this has become less of a “dating” club and more of an “adult relationship” club—or simply a club for finding someone you can get intimate with. That’s probably the impression the women were able to form about you quite easily.

There don’t seem to be many answers from women. Sorry to weigh in as another man. With a Type B woman, this is fairly common. Basically, she isn’t motivated, so it’s best to let it go. Her mindset is more or less, “I’ll get intimate if I genuinely think he’s a really good person,” which makes things pretty much impossible from the outset. It’s not even an issue of the allowance—if that were the case, she would initiate negotiations by dangling intimacy. Instead, things just remain vague and never even reach the point of discussing terms. The reason is that she doesn’t understand the most important thing. Men do this too, of course. You might not even try to pick up a woman if she showed up as a Starbucks employee, but if you met her through fuzoku, you might think, “Well, maybe she’ll do,” and surprisingly make a real effort to win her over. I think this world is, in a sense, a place where people find connections by lowering their standards for each other in that way. If you judge everyone by your usual standards, you’ll rarely find someone who fits. Yet that woman is trying to play an impossible game. If you restore your own standards and still feel she’s someone you want to pursue, then by all means continue. But don’t you think it’s ridiculous to pay an allowance every time you meet just to have dinner? If you pursued an ordinary woman at somewhere like Starbucks, the allowance would be zero. In reality, I think your chances of reaching an adult relationship (intimate) would be about the same. Of course, if you can honestly say, “She’s the only one for me,” I wouldn’t tell you to stop. That would be a unique situation that shouldn’t be compared with anything else. What matters is how you part ways. Trying to find a path forward through conversation is hopeless. A woman of a decent level is probably receiving multiple offers even as a Type B, and she’s likely having similar conversations with several of them. From the woman’s perspective, there are two types of men: “men who ask her to put out” and “men who keep her on the hook.” The former get rejected and blocked, while the latter drag things out without making any progress. You don’t want to be the latter, but at the very least, it’s important not to be categorized as the former. Make it clear that you think she’s wonderful—not merely as someone you want intimacy with, but as a person. Of course, you can also say that you find her attractive, but overall, be completely positive about her. Then clearly explain that you’re looking for a woman with whom you can maintain a long-term adult relationship (intimate), and that you can’t keep meeting repeatedly for dinner only (no intimacy). Rather than saying, “I don’t want to see you,” it’s better to phrase it impersonally—something like, “I won’t be able to meet because it doesn’t fit my terms.” In other words, use a passive-sounding formulation. Naturally, you should explain your terms as well, and finish with, “If you ever change your mind, feel free to contact me.” Given the flow of the conversation, she probably won’t say, “Sure, I’ll do that.” You may get a response more like, “That’s never going to happen.” But your message will still get through, and depending on how her circumstances change, she may contact you six months later or so. That happened to me once. I felt incredibly lucky, but it only worked because I had actually cast my line. If I hadn’t, the chances would have been zero. Wishing you the best. Taro

“Severity” scale ＝＝＝＝＝ ① Provoking the respondent because they want attention, ② wanting to make small talk because they’re bored, without any ill intent, ③ wanting a quick answer because researching it themselves or contacting the branch is too much trouble, ④ simply being curious, ⑤ genuinely struggling with a serious concern (the severity increases from ① to ⑤) ＝＝＝＝＝ This is definitely a ⑤. To anyone asking a question like that, I’d like to offer these words from Zenjiro Ryu in the boys’ manga *Otokogumi*: “Someone who won’t fight today will never fight tomorrow.” Dating Type B is just a fantasy. To a woman, there are only two kinds of men: men she’d be willing to be intimate with, and men she wouldn’t. There’s no such thing as a man she wouldn’t be intimate with today but would be willing to be intimate with tomorrow.

From a man’s perspective, I might assume that this woman is only looking for meals and doesn’t want an intimate relationship. But if you really asked her exactly as written in the question, I also think it was a difficult question to answer. Specifically, asking: “What kind of relationship are you looking for?” I imagine some men would find that hard to answer too. Women sometimes say things like: “He never brought up the allowance, so we just went our separate ways.” They’ll say things like, “He seemed to be looking for a girlfriend, but I’m not looking for that…” Or, “He talked about dating so seriously that I wondered if he was looking for a marriage partner. That wasn’t why I registered, so we just went our separate ways.” The important thing is: “Allowance.” I really don’t understand why some men try to avoid that subject and move things along without discussing it. If this were an ordinary encounter, I agree that it might be difficult to bring up. But this is a dating club. If you don’t discuss the allowance, it’s only natural for her to assume you’re looking for a girlfriend. Whether the relationship continues may depend on the overall combination of the allowance, the man’s personality, appearance, and other factors. So the person asking this question needs to tell her how much he is prepared to offer. He should assume that if it’s too low, she may turn him down and they may never meet again, meaning there won’t be an opportunity to negotiate—it’s a one-shot deal. If he really wants to continue seeing her, he may need to offer a little more. On the other hand, if he feels that he can simply look for someone else if his proposed allowance doesn’t work for her, then he can just offer the amount he originally had in mind. Also, even if you ask, “What kind of relationship are you looking for?”, not many women will answer, “I want H and to receive money.” Women like that are already classified as Type D. > When I asked her as we were leaving, “Are you not considering that kind of relationship?” It sounds like this was after she had already decided that things weren’t going to work with him. You may have missed your chance. I think you should have discussed the allowance while you were having dinner. If she turned you down at that point, it may have been because the restaurant wasn’t very good, your clothes weren’t appealing, or she felt your personalities didn’t match. It seems like either you didn’t make enough effort, or you simply weren’t her type. > She messaged me, “I had a great time today. I’d definitely like to see you again,” and honestly, it put me off. I’m not sure why that would put you off, but since she contacted you, even if it was just a polite message, you could reply with something like: “I had a great time too, and I’d like to see you again. However, next time I’d like an allowance of 7 and an adult relationship (intimate). If that doesn’t work for you, I’ll pass.” That should make her answer clear. If she still says that an adult relationship would be difficult, you already wrote, “If that doesn’t work for you, I’ll pass,” so I don’t think you need to reply further. And if she was only considering dinner only (no intimacy) in the first place, she simply won’t respond anymore. So I think sending one more message would settle things clearly. That said, are you still a beginner? Instead of choosing someone far away or a Type B woman right from the start, you should make lots of offers to nearby Type C women and build up some experience first.

Unfortunately, I think what she means is: “I can’t see myself having an intimate relationship with you. But I’d be willing to spend time with you over dinner if I get ¥10,000.” Even when you went shopping with her after your second dinner, she probably said, “There’s nothing I want,” and ended things because you didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic. But if you’d acted like, “I’ll buy you anything,” she probably would’ve had you buy her plenty. As a shopping papa, you might have been able to use that as bait to get her to go to a hotel—but could you really fall for a girl like that?

I’m not the person you were asking, but I’ll give you a straight answer. I don’t want an adult relationship (intimate), but I do want to go on dates and receive an allowance（笑).