The other day, I received an offer for a letter date from an American man, and I met him for the first time yesterday.

Why did you leave it sitting on the table? That could easily be interpreted as “I don’t want it” or “I can’t accept it.” It might even come across as, “I’m not satisfied with that amount” or “Are you making fun of me?” If you’re meeting someone for the first time and neither of you speaks the other’s language, they’ll naturally take it exactly that way. “I gave it to her, so why? Why won’t she accept it? Is she unhappy? Is it too little? Does she dislike me?” Between two Japanese people, even if something feels off, you can usually communicate through conversation. But even with a straightforward American, things can be difficult despite being able to talk—so having no way to communicate at all is just unreasonable. I think your relationships with men would go much more smoothly if you learned to act with some awareness of how the other person might feel. You really need to recognize how thoughtless you were being. At the very least—or by the time you were chatting after things had ended—you should have put it away, expressed your gratitude, or otherwise let someone you’d just met know that you were satisfied with the amount and with how the day went.

I think it’s important to remember that people from overseas differ not only in language, but also in culture. I used to meet foreigners at cafés to chat and practice English (and I’d hit on them if they were attractive women, lol). We’d talk for an hour or two, and I’d give them a few thousand yen as compensation. Personally, I’d feel a little uncomfortable accepting money in a public place where other people might see me. Westerners generally don’t seem to care as much. People from China and Taiwan tend to react more like Japanese people, with Taiwan being more similar to Japan than China. Westerners are generally more straightforward than Asians, but Europeans—and especially Eastern Europeans—seem more likely than Americans to share that uniquely Japanese sense of hesitation and awkwardness. It sounds like your partner this time was American, so I think her attitude toward money was probably quite different from that of a Japanese person. Once you had negotiated the payment and the cash was placed on the table, it was probably a case of “Deal done,” and you should have taken it then. By not accepting it at that moment, you may have sent a different message—in Japanese terms, something like, “Your thoughtfulness is enough.” Maybe things had ended on a positive note, and when you were saying goodbye, you thought you were giving her 2,000 yen as a gesture to cover at least her round-trip train fare, even though she had initially refused payment. But if she then said, “No, I meant the full amount from earlier,” you’d naturally react with, “What!? Seriously?” (angrily). Even over something this minor, it would be difficult to repair the misunderstanding through a conversation mediated by translation software. In fact, although translation apps are convenient, I don’t think you should rely on them too much. Words account for less than half of human communication. Apparently, around 80% can be conveyed through facial expressions, gestures, and even a few broken words. Translation software only helps with the remaining 20%. So I think relying on it too much and forgetting the basics can lead to misunderstandings. I’ve personally gone on an all-day date with a woman who didn’t speak my language and managed to build on it afterward, so I can say this with confidence. Honestly, if you’re going to be intimate with someone, language shouldn’t matter that much anyway! (lol) I figured it might be helpful to share whatever thoughts came to mind, so that’s what I’ve done. That’s all from the scene. (^^)/ Taro

You really stuck with it and managed to collect up to six. No matter their nationality, there are always some awful people out there.

I’m not sure what you’re asking, so I’ll just share my thoughts. It’s pretty naive to think you can communicate with someone when you don’t even understand the language. There’s also a big part of me thinking, “How are you supposed to date someone if you can’t even speak basic English? lol” But honestly, the fact that you’d consider dating someone despite not being able to communicate already seems like a red flag to me. First, I’d recommend finding an arrangement that suits you. That’s just my opinion—my personal take.

I’m not really sure what opinion I’m supposed to give here… As you wrote yourself, I think it would have been better to say “Thank you” and put the allowance in your bag as soon as you received it. It probably wasn’t because he was a foreigner that he took back money he had already handed you, and only he knows why it happened that way. If he said, “Oh, I didn’t know which bills were which,” then I guess that would be the end of it. To begin with, if you couldn’t communicate properly, you can’t even be sure whether the ¥15,000 for transportation and the ¥60,000 allowance for an adult relationship were actually what he intended to give you. Or maybe he was waiting for you to say, “Are you only giving me ¥2,000?!” Who knows? I wasn’t there, so it’s hard to say… Still, taking back something he had placed on the table and said he would give you—whatever the reason—feels awful and was really low. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Even when both people speak the same language, talking about money can be awkward, so I imagine it’s even more difficult when you can’t communicate well. I think it would be good if you could at least express your own intentions, so maybe you could use this as an opportunity to learn English. That could end up being beneficial for you.

First of all, the standard transportation allowance is usually ¥5,000–¥10,000. It’s fine if you add the actual expenses for a date far away, or if the man voluntarily gives you extra. However, my understanding is that it’s not acceptable for you, the questioner, to demand more than ¥10,000 for transportation. As for the situation itself, since you were communicating through a translation app, misunderstandings could easily have happened. As you also mentioned, I think you should have put the ¥75,000 safely in your bag before moving on to an adult relationship (intimate).

You say you want to hear everyone’s opinions, but what exactly would you like opinions on? There’s no way for us to know why the man took the money back or what would have happened if you had put it in your bag.