I tried a letter date for the first time. The other person sent an initial “Nice to meet you” message, and I replied, but then I never heard back. Is it common for communication to end without even exchanging one full round of messages?

> Asking outright, “When can we meet?” is completely out of line. Apparently, a lot of people also immediately ask how much it would cost to get intimate. In the end, there seem to be very few people who understand Letter Date as an alternative to pen pals. Since the setup fee is half-price, they don’t even want to spend money on the first meal. They worry that if the allowance turns out to be different after the meal, it will all have been a waste. So I get the impression that many people want to ask about everything right away. Letter Date has basically become something people use like a dating app, and for those who want to communicate properly, I think that’s really unfortunate. And since more than 90% of men seem to do this, women may be better off assuming that most people are like that, not getting their hopes up, or simply turning them down. I suppose men want to be accepted because they can use the service for half price, but then to complain that they aren’t getting replies… That’s truly laughable. > I’d appreciate any advice on what’s important when using Letter Date. Rather than fixating on Letter Date, I think it’s better to simply meet in person. Trying to save money on the setup fee won’t do you any good. And neither will being stingy with the allowance.

Maybe she’s just slow to respond—or perhaps you suddenly sent her something strange? If she stopped responding after nothing more than a greeting, please give the club some feedback so other papas don’t have the same experience. Some women also cancel at the last minute, even after accepting an offer. Just chalk it up to bad luck and move on to the next one.

I’ve never tried a letter date, but once, after meeting a woman in person, I wrote something a little risqué in our emails—though to me, it wasn’t really that naughty—and she completely blew up at me. She was in her mid-thirties, married, and had children, so I was actually the one who was shocked, thinking, “Come on, you’re old enough to know better（笑）.” When I sent something similar to a woman in her early twenties, she just laughed it off with, “Ahaha（笑）.” Well, the world is a big place, so I guess these things happen（笑） P.S. What she said was so harsh that I shared the email exchange and other details with the branch where I was registered. It was five years ago now, but it’s still one of my most memorable—and rather intense—experiences with a dating club（笑） I also caused the branch manager some trouble back then. The manager at the time is probably too busy these days to check this, but if you happen to see it occasionally… Date is still doing well（笑） Take care, branch manager!

That’s unusual! First of all, do you thank the woman? I believe it’s essential to say, “Thank you for agreeing to a letter date.” I also think it’s important to explain why you chose a letter date. I never send money through payment apps or anything like that, but I do send words of gratitude and consideration repeatedly. I don’t pressure her to reply, and I only discuss making plans after she’s had time to relax. I also don’t bring up the allowance until we actually meet. Asking out of the blue, “When can you meet?” is completely out of line. I’m speaking from experience—I’ve successfully invited women who normally don’t accept letter dates to go on one with me. (^_^;)

You need to arrange a meeting quickly and mention the payment upfront. Ask right away about setting up a date and say, “I’ll give you ¥10,000 for transportation when we meet.” If she’s popular, it’s rude to string her along with endless free small talk. If you want to chat on LINE, send ¥5,000 or ¥10,000 in advance via LINE Pay or something similar. Of course, when you meet, don’t be stingy and say, “Since I sent you money on LINE Pay, today is free.” Give her money again. It’s naive to think that simply writing “Good evening” will make women flood you with LINE messages. Look in the mirror: us old guys won’t get any attention unless we discuss paying an allowance. Write your own introduction, include the days you’re available, and quickly ask what kind of restaurant she’d prefer and whether she wants a private room.

I’m Paper Airplane, and my wife is always scolding me: “You may be replying, but it’s not a conversation. I want some reaction and facial expression from you,” and “You’re so boring.” Whenever you make an offer and receive a message back, wouldn’t you be thrilled? Really, isn’t it enough just to express that happiness and excitement? That’s something my wife is always teaching me and helping me realize.

I’m not entirely sure what happened, but not even being able to get through one exchange is pretty extreme. What on earth did you do in your very first message? lol I think it’s important to remember that this is communication where the other person can cut things off at any time. If you’re meeting in person, you may get a chance to recover from a mistake, but with letter dating, things move even faster. Since the woman is the one contacting you, it’s easy to assume things are naturally progressing to the next step, but that’s not the case at all. Women who are experienced with this will often guide the conversation along a familiar pattern, which makes things easier. But at Universe Club, many women are nervous because they aren’t used to this kind of activity. If she’s particularly cautious, even a minor mistake could get you labeled as a person to avoid, and that’s the end of it. There are all kinds of people, so your first priority should be figuring out what the other person is like. Focus on avoiding mistakes rather than scoring points. Jumping straight into making a date or negotiating the terms of the arrangement is the worst approach. It’s better to take things slowly at first, saying something like, “I made you an offer because I looked at your profile and thought you seemed wonderful.” Compliment her first. It’s also important to create points of empathy, such as saying, “This kind of thing can be pretty nerve-racking, can’t it?” Above all, make her feel comfortable. I think a predictable, reassuring approach works better than a traditionally masculine one. Some women need to exchange several messages and build up a number of shared points of empathy before they’re ready to start arranging a date. On the other hand, some women are already interested and will signal that they’d like to meet soon. Pay close attention to her reactions and respond accordingly. Moving too quickly is bad, but taking too long isn’t good either. It may sound a bit strange to say this to someone who couldn’t even get through one exchange, but there’s a lot of information you can read from a woman’s first message. How you respond to it is the key. (Though, thinking about it, you did manage one exchange starting from her turn.) Letter dating is a hassle. I’ve tried it several times myself. I get bored while going back and forth. If I fell head over heels for her just from seeing her profile, I could put up with it indefinitely. But if I only thought she seemed kind of nice, and then had to go through all this complicated, immigration-control-style screening, it became difficult. I did manage to make it to the point of meeting a few times, but my expectations got unnaturally high, and then I lost interest when I saw her in person. So I don’t do letter dating anymore. It probably depends on the person, but I think it would be a good idea to reconsider various things, including whether letter dating is actually a good fit for you in the first place. Taro