Hello,

You can get a sense of what a man is thinking by bringing it up casually, like, “I’m fine with an adult relationship (intimate), but honestly, I’m scared of things like STIs.” If he says something like, “Even if you catch something, you can just take antibiotics and it’ll clear up quickly,” he’s probably more likely to want to go without protection. On the other hand, a man who responds with, “Yeah, it’s scary to get an STI, isn’t it?” probably sees using a condom as a given. I’m the latter type, so I consider using a condom a matter of course. That said, if a woman directly asks me, “You’ll use a condom, right?” it honestly kills the mood. I think it’s smartest to feel him out subtly without saying it outright.

For me, it would be when he suggests an adult relationship (intimate). If he asks, “What do you say we…?” I might respond, “Yes! But I’d like us to use protection, okay?” Of course, I’d take that as a given, but what seems “obvious” to me (not just regarding protection) may not be obvious to the other person. Once you’re already in the room and he tries to do it without protection, it can feel too late and awkward to say something. If he brings it up beforehand, though, you may still be able to get out of it.

It’s best not to bring it up. (The moment you tell her, it’s a major turnoff.) However, if you feel you can’t trust him, you should say so at that point. I’d assume he’s the kind of man you don’t need to continue seeing anyway. No one has ever said anything like that to me, and when I see women through a dating club, I use protection. At least, I’ve never had unprotected sex with a club companion without her consent. Also, with a favorite woman I’ve been seeing regularly for a long time, I’m already highly satisfied, so there’s absolutely no need to have unprotected sex even after the relationship has continued for a while. If anything, I find it more pleasurable to climax with a condom, enjoying the sense of togetherness and lingering in the afterglow afterward.

I’ve only ever met men who say, “Of course—I consider it basic etiquette for men,” and use protection. With this kind of arrangement, we don’t even know how much responsibility the other person will take. There are also plenty of risks, including the possibility that both people may be seeing multiple partners. So I honestly can’t understand why some men think they have the option not to use protection. I’ve never met anyone like that, so I’ve never brought it up myself. But if I ever came across such an irresponsible man, I think I’d have no choice but to turn him down on the spot. To me, using protection is a given, so it’s not something I should even have to ask for. If he can’t do that, an adult relationship (intimate) is out of the question. Even if he got upset, it wouldn’t matter, because I wouldn’t want to continue seeing someone like that anyway. I don’t want to take the risk of being intimate with someone who probably does the same thing with everyone. It should be as simple as everyone using protection… I just want to say that it’s outrageous that there are male members who make women have to bring up a topic like this! Additional note: I’m sorry my answer wasn’t really an answer to your question. I don’t think you need to worry about this. As for how to say it without offending someone who tries to do that, I think all you can say is, “If you won’t use protection, I can’t have an adult relationship (intimate) with you.”

I don’t think it’s necessary for the woman to bring it up first. Using one should be a given. So, if a woman needs to say she wants the man to use a condom, it would probably be when he says he wants to proceed without one or tries to do so. He may get upset if you stop him from proceeding without a condom, but I don’t think that matters. A man like that will get upset anyway when he doesn’t get what he wants, no matter how you try to explain it. There’s no need to worry about it.