Ladies, have any of you told your serious partners that you’re Universe members?
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I’m currently thinking about getting a part-time job as a hostess, but the person I like is relatively straight-laced, so I’m worried he’ll break up with me if I tell him. I’m not sure whether I should come clean.
I feel like I’m lying to him, and it’s really bothering me. (I’m genuinely struggling with this.)
Why would someone consider working part-time as a hostess while they’re in love with someone?
If it’s a financial issue—tuition, living expenses, or the like—why not talk to the person you love about it?
If someone I genuinely cared about came to me with that kind of problem, I’d take it seriously and think about how I could help.
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By “the one,” you mean you’re already considering marriage, right?
If it were me, I’d keep it hidden and make sure they never found out! I figured information probably wouldn’t leak outside through Universe, and I’d do my best not to get caught ( . . )
Still, if they were willing to accept it, that would be a relief.
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This is something you’ll take to the grave.
You’re not committing a crime or causing anyone any trouble. You’re simply carrying a sense of guilt that exists only in your own mind.
So either change the way you think and continue, or, if you can’t change your mindset and can’t lie or keep it hidden, it would probably be best for your own sake to stop doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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I’m Zuiki, a new male member and answerer.
It sounds like you’re worried because you feel you’re lying, but that’s completely in your head. You’re not lying at all, so please don’t worry.
Unless your partner directly asks you something like, “By the way, you’re not a member of Universe Club, are you?” or “You’re not doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), are you?” you don’t need to confess anything, and it doesn’t mean you’re lying.
Think of dating your serious partner and doing papa-katsu through Universe Club as two separate things.
I’m not sure how working part-time as a hostess is connected to confessing that you’re a Universe Club member, but either way, unless your partner asks, you don’t need to proactively tell them, and it doesn’t mean you’re betraying them.
I think all you need to do is sincerely and properly commit to your relationship with your serious partner.
That said, please think carefully and decide for yourself when you want to graduate from papa-katsu and hostess work.
Just my personal opinion.
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I’m Potassium, a female member.
I didn’t tell him.
The reason was simply that I didn’t want to go out of my way to argue about it—it felt like too much hassle.
Questioner, did you ever consider giving up becoming a hostess because you were afraid that man might reject you?
You’re talking as though becoming a hostess is a given, but if you really love him, couldn’t you choose a daytime job—something he wouldn’t dislike you for?
(Obviously, people tend to view you more favorably if you have a regular daytime job. If you already have one and simply want more money, then change to a better-paying position.)
If being a hostess is your dream and you don’t want to give it up, but you also don’t want to give up the man you love, then I suppose it would be better not to tell him.
There is such a thing as choosing to lie for someone else’s happiness. But you’d have to carry that guilt for the rest of your life, and if he found out, the relationship might end even more definitively than if you had been honest from the beginning.
You’ll have to choose which is possible for you, based on how you feel right now:
Tell the truth so you don’t have to suffer, and live honestly with both yourself and him—even if it hurts him from the start;
or hide the truth even if it causes you pain, keep working to make sure he never finds out, and spare him the hurt.
I guess you’ll have to decide which one you can handle.
Ah, as for me, sorry, but I didn’t love him enough to worry about it that much.
Let’s enjoy life!
Just my personal opinion.
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Some men don’t like their partner working outside during hours when she would normally be expected to be at home.
My ex-boyfriend was like that. When I said I was thinking of working at an izakaya to support myself, he didn’t like the idea. He even told me, “If you’re going to work at those hours, I’ll give you money, so stay home.”
Are you really going to tell your boyfriend that you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? You already know what will happen, don’t you?
Use your head and think about how you live. Why would you deliberately make yourself unhappy?
I don’t think he wants a girlfriend who works as a hostess, either.
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Why not wait until you’ve actually been hired for the hostess job before thinking about it?
The way you should lie will depend on the terms you’re hired under.
By the way, you’re not even dating that man yet, are you? Once you officially become a couple, feel free to ask again.
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If you tell him, there’s a good chance he’ll break up with you.
Even if he doesn’t, you’ll probably hurt him.
I don’t think you should tell him.
You’ll just have to live with the guilt of lying.
Try to toughen up mentally!
If it’s a lie you’ll take to your grave, then I guess any lie is fair game.
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If the choice is between a truth that hurts someone and a lie that doesn’t, the lie is better.
A doctor I know once said, “A liar is the beginning of a doctor.” Apparently, telling a patient who can’t be saved, “You’ll be fine. You’ll get better,” over and over is part of the job.
Women wear makeup, right? That’s a kind of lie too. We’re just so used to it that we don’t notice anymore.
For the most part, women themselves are nothing but a bundle of lies. In reality, there’s no difference between men and women—we’re all just people who want an easy life. But while trying to live up to the “femininity” society expects, women acquire those lies and become women.
Lies that make the other person unhappy are no good. And what kind of lies make someone unhappy? Lies that get found out.
Become a fine “woman.”
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All three of the women I’m seeing who have boyfriends haven’t told them about me. Outside of dating clubs, I think seeing multiple people is generally considered a no-go.
Personally, I don’t consider working part-time as a hostess to be cheating, but if you feel it’s wrong, I think you’re better off not doing it.
You’re over 20 and still worrying about something like this—are you okay?
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If you feel you’ll be dumped if you tell them, then even if you don’t say anything, they’ll leave you if they find out. If your partner is important to you, I think it would be wiser not to take a job you believe could lead to a breakup.
If you haven’t started working yet, though, it seems like the issue comes before whether or not to confess.
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