I’d love to hear everyone’s opinions. Sorry for the long post.
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Last month, I was messaging two men, A and B, on a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) site, and both of them made plans to meet me this month.
A was the one who contacted me first. He lives in Tokyo and said he comes to my prefecture once a month for work, so he was looking for someone he could meet while he was there. He said he’d be there on January 6th and 7th and asked if I could meet him, so we agreed on the 7th. He also said, “I’ll contact you again when it gets closer.” But I still hadn’t heard from him by the day before, so I messaged him, “Are we still on for tomorrow as planned?” The message was read, and then he deleted his account. We had exchanged dozens of messages after we started talking, and he’d even sent me a “Merry Christmas” message. And this is how it ended.
B also contacted me first, and we started messaging. Since he lived in the neighboring prefecture, I asked if the distance would be a problem. He said, “It’s within my usual work area, so it’s fine.” We agreed to meet on January 12th, and he said he would come all the way to my hometown. He even sent me a photo, saying he thought I’d feel more comfortable if I knew what he looked like.
We continued exchanging dozens of messages after that. He said he’d leave the choice of restaurant up to me, so I found one and asked, “How about this place?” He replied, “Then let’s go with this one.” I answered, “Okay,” and then he suddenly stopped responding. A few days passed, so just to confirm, I messaged, “Are we still on for the 12th as planned?” The message was read, and then he deleted his account too.
How am I supposed to interpret this? lol
Were they just messing with me?
Did they intend to meet but then decide it was too much trouble?
How would you all interpret it?
I can’t stop wondering about it. lol
That sounds like someone just messing around.
It depends on the site, but you can usually tell from the way they email whether they’re just wasting your time〜(*^^*)
You can meet quite a lot of people. It’s not specifically a papa-katsu app, but it’s pretty fun.
It can be scary, and you might have some bad experiences, but why not give it a try for about two months〜?
Everyone’s different, so I’m still figuring out what works for me too - ̗̀ ( ˶'ᵕ'˶) ̖́-
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I think they’re just wasting your time.
If someone genuinely wants to meet, you’ll be able to meet them at the agreed meeting place.
With apps, I suspect agencies see genuine users as competition and deliberately mess with them to drive them out. That way, ordinary women conclude that it’s impossible to meet anyone through the app and leave, eventually leaving only agencies behind, making it easier for them to operate.
If you hate dealing with time-wasters whose intentions you can’t tell—whether they’re agencies or not—I think a dating club would suit you better.
If you have the energy to message 100 people and feel that meeting five of them is enough, you’ll probably do well on an app.
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I’ve used papa-katsu sites myself, and I’ve actually canceled at the last minute before, so here’s how I see it.
I think papa-katsu sites have two main characteristics:
1. The time between first exchanging messages and actually meeting is usually quite short.
2. In most cases, people are messaging several others at the same time.
If you felt that your conversations with this man really clicked, then he was probably good at messaging—which means it’s reasonable to assume that he was also having lively conversations with many other women.
Even after setting a specific date to meet you, he wouldn’t necessarily stop messaging other people. So it’s possible that he arranged to meet another woman before your scheduled date.
With that in mind, my interpretation is that he met another woman before meeting you, liked her, then deleted his account to show her that he was serious.
If you haven’t met even once, they don’t know your face, name, or phone number, so one of the characteristics of these sites is that it can feel surprisingly easy to cancel at the last minute.
From your perspective, it’s natural to think, “What an incredibly insincere person—he stood me up after making a promise!”
But from the perspective of the woman he actually met before you, it might be, “He deleted his account right after meeting me—how sincere!”
It happens quite often. Rather than dwelling on it, just accept that it wasn’t meant to be.
One more thing: on these sites, it’s definitely better to meet as soon as possible, so try to arrange a date that’s as close as you can manage. If you start messaging this month but don’t meet until next month, someone else may snatch him up before you even realize it.
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Isn’t that just how these sites are? Matching apps are pretty much the same.
You probably won’t find a good match unless you meet quite a few people.
If you’re reasonably attractive, feel free to join this club.
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I think that’s simply how papa-katsu sites work.
Unlike dating clubs, where arranging meetings and the interactions themselves take time and effort, people exchange lots of casual messages with those who seem interested. Once things work out with someone—or they find someone they prefer—they probably just stop meeting the others.
Or perhaps they met other people, had some awful experiences, learned their lesson, and left the site.
Whenever I hear about papa-katsu sites, I think dating clubs are far better because you don’t have to deal with all that uncertainty and hassle.
I hear that, in rare cases, some people offer allowances comparable to those at dating clubs, but generally the allowances seem to be quite low. So I feel that papa-katsu sites are just a waste of time.
Marika
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Since it’s an app, canceling at the last minute doesn’t really have any major negative consequences for her.
She may have intended to meet, but perhaps she got scared after all.
Young women today tend to have fewer reservations about dating apps, but many men from the older generation still have a negative image of them.
With Universe Club, a woman is forcibly removed from the club for canceling a scheduled date at the last minute.
Men also spend a fair amount of money to arrange these dates.
I think that’s why plans aren’t canceled so easily there.
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In this case, I think getting stood up as a joke and losing interest because it became too much trouble are basically the same thing.
Since papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) sites either charge no setting fee or only a small one, I think a lot of people behave that way.
For what it’s worth, I tried it myself too, and when I lost interest, I stopped replying as well.
In this case, I think the mistake was setting the date across the New Year.
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It’s hard to say based on the message alone, but wouldn’t it be best to interpret it as him intending to meet, then deciding it was too much trouble?
If I’ve promised to meet someone, I always show up, though...
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