I’m a married 65-year-old man. She’s a single 28-year-old woman. I’ve already withdrawn from Universe.
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She has a job, and the problem is that I’ve become far too emotionally attached to her.
She recently got a boyfriend, and I find myself feeling uncomfortable and complaining about it. When I think about her boyfriend—a sincere, wonderful single man in his twenties—I get so jealous that it’s affecting my mental health.
I told her that I wanted to end our arrangement and offer support to another woman, but she started crying, which left me at a loss.
She told me, “It’s okay for you to support other women, but I still want you to support me. I also want you to accept my boyfriend. I love you too.”
I’m capable of supporting multiple women, but my jealousy toward her boyfriend is making things so difficult mentally that I feel I have no choice but to end our relationship.
She’s currently busy with work and dates with her boyfriend, so she doesn’t have time for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Her income is also low, so I’m worried about how she’ll manage after I stop supporting her.
Could I get some good advice from a woman’s perspective?
Please don’t tell me I’m a narrow-minded man—I know that already.
And I don’t need advice like, “Give her a large amount of money and then break up with her.” I’ve considered that, but I don’t have that kind of money.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂60s👑Universe male member
Find two or three more women who are exceptionally cute and have wonderful personalities, and try dating multiple people.
I think it’ll feel like a completely different world. You won’t even have time to get jealous of three women, and your feelings will be spread out.
That woman you’re dating cried because she wants the money, but she might end up marrying her boyfriend. I think you should have a backup plan too.
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You’re quite demanding, aren’t you?
If you reject this and that, then you’re never going to reach any conclusion.
Rather than ending things with that woman, start dating other women as well. Then you might begin to understand her feelings a little better—having both a boyfriend and a papa (a male supporter).
Even if you still don’t understand, if you give both women equal affection, your affection for each will be cut in half, which should make things just right.
If even half still feels like too much, increase the number to around four.
I’m sure that should make things just right.
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Wake up.
She’s not in love with you—she’s in love with your money.
She probably has other papa (male supporters), too, so you need to steel yourself and cut off your lingering feelings for her.
If you keep going like this, you may end up becoming a stalker. Now, go make an offer to another woman who’s waiting for you.
If you fixate on one person, you’ll only get yourself into trouble.
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You can’t control who you fall for. I understand how painful this situation must be.
I believe that in any relationship, both people should be honest about what they want, and both sides deserve to be respected.
It’s understandable that you don’t want her to have a boyfriend, and those feelings should be respected.
At the same time, her desire to have you accept her boyfriend while still receiving your support should also be respected.
And when, as in this case, the two of you simply can’t reach an agreement no matter how hard you try to work things out, there’s nothing to be done. You should part ways. There’s no other option.
It may sound cold, but whether she ends up struggling financially after your support stops is not your responsibility. She chose the path that led to that situation, and you shouldn’t feel responsible for it to that extent.
She matters too, but I believe you should never lose sight of the principle that you need to prioritize taking care of yourself.
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Unless he’s willing to take care of you for life, just look in the mirror—the answer is pretty simple.
That is, unless he’s a super-handsome papa like Potassium’s.
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The balance has already been lost.
A papa’s joy should come from making the woman he’s seeing happy and fulfilling her wishes, but right now, your own circumstances are taking priority.
A papa’s role is to create the happiness, enjoyment, and pleasure she wants. If you can do that with confidence and generosity, you’ll be able to bring out the expression you’re hoping to see on her face. I think your words and actions will change as well.
For now, I think you need to start by recognizing that you haven’t yet become someone she truly needs.
Whether it’s through a club or elsewhere, it’s possible to build an emotional connection and a bond as lifelong partners. Rather than you becoming too deeply attached to her, you could become the kind of lifelong partner she can rely on emotionally—not merely because of money, and not in the presumptuous sense of being her “support,” but as someone she genuinely needs.
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>When I think about my boyfriend—the sincere, wonderful single man in his twenties—I get jealous and my mental health falls apart.
I’m not quite sure what you mean by “my mental health falls apart,” but perhaps you should simply watch over this young man with kindness. If you feel he needs support, why not meet him for tea and support him that way?
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Let me answer.
I’m Potassium, a 28-year-old single female member.
First, you need to decide what matters more to you: cherishing this PJ, or protecting your own mental health.
If you want to prioritize your mental health, staying involved with a woman who causes you emotional stress will only make things harder for you. Once you’ve chosen to put your own mental health first, you’re no longer in a position to worry about her financial future. That’s something she needs to think about herself. She isn’t that foolish, is she? If a 28-year-old is really that naive, I think cutting things off once would be a good learning experience for her.
On the other hand, if you value your PJ more than your own mental health, then I think you should keep seeing her as you have been—but you’ll need to suppress your own feelings.
However, to be perfectly honest, this is an allowance-based relationship, and your PJ may also be seeing other men at the same time. (Even if she leaves the service, she can always register again.) So the fact that she complains about you seeing other women is strange in itself.
You have a wife, and your PJ has both a boyfriend and a papa (a male supporter), so the fact remains that you’re both seeing multiple people. Why keep going on about it? My guess is that your PJ simply doesn’t like the allowance that was supposed to be paid to her being spent on another woman.
Honestly, I don’t think you need to accommodate her selfishness to that extent. If you want to keep indulging her, then you’ll have to suppress your own feelings.
That’s my opinion as another 28-year-old single woman.
P.S. In my case, my papa kept his feelings about my boyfriend to himself, but I eventually wanted to make more time for him, so I broke up with my boyfriend. We were both indifferent to each other and the relationship had run its course. I also didn’t want to get married, and it’s not like I need a boyfriend or husband to support me financially—I can earn my own money, lol.
As for seeing multiple people, my papa and I discussed various things and found a compromise that worked for both of us. If you can’t have a discussion and find a middle ground—not simply deciding that something is acceptable or unacceptable—then I think you should break up.
That’s the level of relationship this is, in my opinion.
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Perhaps it’s time to reconsider your position.
She likes you as her papa (a male supporter), but naturally, your position is different from that of her boyfriend. I don’t think you should keep making everything about yourself.
If this is really causing you so much pain, you can simply approach someone else instead. There may be someone who’s a better match for you.
It’s kind of you to want to support her because she doesn’t earn much, but you should never act as though, “I’m doing all this for you, so you should put me first.”
Being jealous of her boyfriend is unbecoming. Keep in mind that her boyfriend and you are separate things, and be mature enough to let her do as she pleases. That’s much more attractive.
If you’re unhappy that she no longer makes time for you, offer to meet someone else.
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Oh my, what a cute older gentleman.
Why not continue supporting her until she breaks up with her boyfriend—or until she gets married and they part ways?
That might give him a chance to propose to her, don’t you think?
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You’re being awfully demanding.
Answer A:
Regardless of whether it’s a dating-club relationship, I think relationships are about being with someone whose needs and circumstances align with your own. If you become an annoying inconvenience to a woman, she’ll probably distance herself from you.
In this case, she has become someone who disrupts your feelings and no longer works for you, so I think you should stop making those kinds of manipulative remarks and simply look for another woman who’s a better fit. Her boyfriend will probably take care of her anyway.
Did you really think she’d say she would choose you over her boyfriend just because you made that silly threat? Of course not. If a woman is forced to choose between a man who seems likely to support her for life and a man who gives her an allowance for the time being, most of the time she’ll choose the former.
Rather than making empty threats, you should just quietly look for another woman whose circumstances suit yours.
Answer B:
Aren’t you jealous of the serious, wonderful single woman in her twenties whom you’ve lost?
Taking that jealousy out on her is outrageous. I think you’re trash.
For now, you should first become a serious, wonderful single man in your twenties yourself, and then consider competing on equal footing.
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