My papa (a male supporter), who I’ve been seeing once a month for about a year, has started cutting back on my allowance. He says, “This is all I can do this time…” and gives me 10,000–20,000 yen less than the amount he originally offered. Honestly, it makes me really sad…

It sounds like you should also prepare yourself for the possibility of saying goodbye to that papa (a male supporter). I don’t know the reason, but if I had to guess, maybe he’s found someone better, or the economy has gotten worse and he’s running out of money—or something along those lines. If you absolutely don’t want to break up, you could try doing something that makes him feel he can’t let you go—really impress him with an overwhelmingly satisfying adult relationship (intimate), and show him how you’re different from the other women. Make him think, “I was unsure, but I just can’t let her go…” or something like that.

If the allowance is reasonable, rather than focusing on the exact amount, it’s easier to shorten the time. I get the impression that many women think in terms of how much they’re paid per hour, while men tend to think more in terms of how much per time in bed and aren’t as concerned about the duration. Unless you genuinely enjoy spending six hours together, you can make three to four hours the norm by saying you have plans afterward or need to get up early the next morning. And if you can increase the frequency of your meetings on top of that, even better.

A reduction in the allowance shouldn’t even be on the table. If he feels it’s not worth it, he should just end things… Saying, “You’ll still accept that amount, right?” gives off the unpleasant impression that he thinks he has the upper hand. If you’ve been seeing each other for a long time, ideally you’d have the kind of relationship where he’d increase the allowance. That said, when someone feels it’s no longer worth it, they may simply disappear and end things. So if he’s still meeting you regularly, even just once a month, perhaps there are things bothering him, but he still wants to continue seeing you. Why not ask whether there’s anything you’re doing wrong or anything he dislikes, and whether that’s the reason for the reduction? Of course, only after finding another papa (a male supporter). Depending on his answer, I think it would be perfectly fine for you to end things yourself. This isn’t a job, and I believe the arrangement is about receiving an allowance while giving the man an enjoyable time in return. But if either of you feels it’s no longer worth it, perhaps the relationship has simply run its course.

They’ve already broken up, but there’s a line in the lyrics of “Grapefruit Chōdai” by the band Yura Yura Teikoku: “Please. Come here one more time and talk to me about things like whether you love me or hate me.” So, following those lyrics, how about an approach along the lines of, “I like you, so I’d hate it if you reduced my allowance”? At least the basis for the approach is “because I like you.”

Psychologically, maybe he’s found another favorite and doesn’t really need to see you anymore… but is he still meeting her? Does that mean he has no real desire to see you unless you’re paid the same amount as his favorite? So if you say anything, there’s a good chance it’ll simply be goodbye. That said, since a monthly arrangement is basically that kind of relationship to begin with, it’s almost fair to say there isn’t really anything to “break up” over.

It was probably a little above his budget to begin with, but he was stretching himself to keep seeing you. So honestly, I don’t think there’s any perfect way to put it. That said, I’d avoid saying it’s because the time is too long—it’ll probably just make him feel bad.

I’m answering based on my own experience trying this from the man’s side. I think there are two possible reasons: ① the allowance originally agreed on was beyond the man’s “budget,” and he was stretching himself, or ② he basically wants to lower the average rate. There may also have been a fantasy that if you became close and she was genuinely happy to see you, it would somehow balance out even if the allowance were reduced. Her attempt to negotiate a reduction after a year reminded me of my own experience. Meeting only once a month is a bit questionable. What’s your LINE communication like in between? Even when we didn’t meet, I exchanged messages every day. I liked her too, and since she always replied, I felt there was some genuine affection involved. On the other hand, there were women whose messages were limited to arranging the date. Based on my experience, a man may not feel particularly invested in that kind of relationship. If the woman likes him, he may simply be calmly gauging how much he can lower the allowance. As for how to negotiate, as Mac said, leading with gratitude is a good approach. At the same time, you should tell him that you feel hurt and saddened by having the allowance reduced unilaterally. The reason doesn’t have to be perfectly logical. For example: “We agreed on that amount from the beginning,” “Does this mean you don’t think I’m worth that much?” “It’s hard to say, but honestly, I’m doing this because I need the money,” or “I’ve had other offers, but I turned them down because I wanted to continue seeing you if you would pay the agreed amount.” Based on things I’ve been told myself, these are fairly standard—and effective—lines. If the man is fixated on the rate, one possible compromise would be to lower the rate in exchange for meeting more often. However, if you’re already spending six hours per meeting, doubling the number of meetings would be a significant burden. I also think you should take steps to attract new offers, such as having your photos retaken or registering with another club. Negotiating when you have no alternatives and feel you have to keep this arrangement going puts you at a disadvantage and leaves you with little breathing room. Whether or not to hide your new photos from him is another tactical decision. Overall, it’s important to think about all these factors together and create a situation that gives you more leverage. Taro

Whether it’s tuition, living expenses, or anything else, you could say: “I have a payment due by [date], so I’m really upset because the amount was much lower than I was counting on. I’m always grateful, truly. I’m in the position of receiving support from you—money you worked so hard to earn—so all I feel is gratitude. But what am I supposed to do?” If possible, actually cry while saying it. The key points are: 1. Clearly show that it’s money you genuinely need (even if you have to make it up). But don’t use things like beauty treatments or self-improvement. 2. Instead of saying, “That’s not what we agreed on” or “Give me more,” appeal to their emotions with phrases like, “I’m so sad” or “I’m completely at a loss about what to do.” 3. Sprinkle in as many words of gratitude as possible. As for their reasons, I can think of two possibilities: A) They’re genuinely short on money. B) They can afford it but are just being stingy. If it’s B, that’s your chance to show your skill. Even if it’s A, if you can get them emotionally hooked, the money will somehow come from somewhere. It’s almost an art form, though.