Even after meeting someone, I can’t get them to stay with me long-term.
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Thankfully, I’ve met many men through Universe, and things have progressed to an adult relationship (intimate) with several of them, but not a single man has become my long-term papa (a male supporter).
After meeting two or three times and becoming intimate, they often stop contacting me. Even when I reach out, I’m usually left on read.
It’s really painful to be ignored when I’m making an effort because I want to become closer to them.
I’d really appreciate any advice.
For reference, I ask for an allowance of 5 on a pay-per-meeting basis.
Is that too expensive?
#longterm
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
You won’t know for sure unless you actually date them, but my answer is:
The main reason is probably sex, with smaller factors playing a role as well.
I’ve also been dropped by women I wanted to continue seeing（笑）. Each time, I just repeat the process of making lots of offers. I understand how you feel, BB7.
The women I’ve been seeing for over three years are:
- Attractive, and very satisfying in bed
- Quick to respond to messages (I only contact them about scheduling)
- Flexible with their schedules and willing to accommodate mine
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It’s a tough situation, but the best way forward may be to stop checking this Q&A section altogether and avoid logging in as a member.
Men aren’t looking for women who act like hostesses or sex workers, or who are overly experienced with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). The ideal is someone who doesn’t even look at club websites and has no papa-katsu mindset, so in your case, it may be better not to take in too much information.
Being yourself is your greatest appeal.
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I thought about what it’s like for me.
- I have a clear reason for wanting to support a PJ.
- I can clearly see the benefits of having a long-term relationship with her.
As long as those two things are in place, I won’t be the one to end it.
Beyond that, I think it only becomes a long-term relationship when I fit the terms the PJ is looking for. If the give-and-take isn’t balanced, it becomes hard on both people.
What I value most is “time.” If we’re going to spend our limited time together on dates, it’s incredibly important that the time be fulfilling for both of us. Whether there’s an adult relationship (intimate), the allowance amount, and the woman’s looks or age are just “toppings.” They aren’t the most important factors in a long-term relationship.
I love women, and I love adult relationships too. Even so, I’ve had plenty of long-term relationships with absolutely no intimacy. We both felt that, since all the conditions above were met, things would work better that way.
Also, when I can tell that she’s making an effort to get along with me, I’m happy—but it also makes me a little sad. Even though this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I want to believe that we’re genuinely close. That’s just how men are ^ ^
That’s me.
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To put it bluntly, whether someone gets chosen again after intimacy is a tough call for both men and women.
Even if a woman asks why, the man probably can’t be completely honest, which is why he leaves her messages on read.
He likely looked at her body, her reactions during the encounter, and weighed those against the allowance before deciding there wouldn’t be a second time.
You may think 50,000 yen pay-per-meeting is on the modest side, but personally, I’ve been turned down at that rate only about 5% of the time. That’s based on my actual experience.
Since men can have an arrangement with another woman who’s a better fit for the same 50,000 yen pay-per-meeting, putting it harshly, you’re simply losing out in the competition.
By the way, I wouldn’t say B-type women are necessarily high-level, but there are still quite a few men who want to pursue A- or B-type women.
Also, women who are new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and still relatively inexperienced usually start out as B-type.
I assume you’re a B-type woman, but because the hurdle to reaching an adult relationship (intimate) is higher, your rivals are tougher.
That’s why switching to C-type might be one option.
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On the other hand, my problem is that there are very few women I actually want to keep seeing. I wonder if there’s anyone out there who’s a good match, haha.
Of the 10 women I meet, I’d say about 5 are women I’d like to develop an adult relationship (intimate) with.
After being intimate on the second meeting, there are about 2 or 3 I decide I’m no longer interested in.
After being intimate 2 or 3 times, there are another 1 or 2 I decide I’ve had enough of.
There’s only about one woman, if that, whom I’d want to see five times or more.
A 50,000-yen pay-per-meeting allowance isn’t high. It’s not about the money.
It’s about how I feel.
What makes me want to continue is our physical compatibility, as well as compatibility with her personality and inner self. Women whose only selling points are being cute, beautiful, slim, or young become boring after one or two meetings.
By the way, have you ever met a man you genuinely thought, “I’d like to have a long-term relationship with him”? Did you tell him that? Simply saying, “I’d like to see you again” or “Please see me again” only makes me wonder, “Is she really that short on money?” It doesn’t get me excited either. Do you write something like, “I think ○○ is wonderful about you, and if possible, I’d like to continue seeing you for a long time. When can we meet again?”
Do you actually mean it when you write that, or is it just a sales message?
Women who simply keep someone on the back burner or just go along with whatever the other person wants, as well as women who interact with you professionally, like hostesses or sex workers, are boring. I wouldn’t continue seeing them.
There’s nothing enjoyable about a relationship that’s just superficially put together.
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As Seattle-san said, I would add “enough to be worth the allowance.”
That said, if the allowance is low, does that mean the relationship will continue? I feel that many male members of dating clubs choose to pursue women who are worth the allowance they pay.
If the relationship doesn’t continue after becoming intimate once, then it seems the issue lies more in what happens behind closed doors than in the conversation.
In allowance-based relationships, I think you need the ability to sense what the other person feels they need and provide just the right amount of it. If it’s too little, there won’t be a next time; if it’s too much, you may run out of things to keep giving, making it difficult to continue the relationship.
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Up until around the second or third date is basically the screening period, right? Men are deciding whether to choose someone too, and women also seem to show their true selves after meeting about three times. In the end, I think only about one in ten connections continues past the fourth date. I don’t know how many people you’ve met, but if the chance of making it past the fourth date is 1 in 10, then even after meeting ten people, the chance of finding someone who continues that far is about 65%. That’s fairly high, but it’s not guaranteed. After meeting 15 people, it rises to 80%, so I’d say you’re lucky if you find someone by then.
It’s good that you’re making an effort to get along, but the way you do it may be important. If your attitude is mainly about providing the kind of service the other person wants, that may not be ideal. A dating club isn’t a commercial adult service, so I think some people are looking for genuine feelings rather than just a service. So, when you feel that you really click with someone during your conversations, it’s important to lean in, be genuine, and enjoy that connection. On the other hand, when you sense that they want something that doesn’t really suit you, it may be better to let it slide casually. Being able to manage that balance seems important.
You don’t need to understand every single thing about each other. If you can find the good points and firmly connect over those, the arrangement is established and will probably last a long time. Luck also plays a part in meeting the right people, so don’t get discouraged and keep at it. You seem to be at a level where you can receive offers, so if you keep experimenting, I’m sure you’ll find the right person.
Taro
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If she’s getting offers, she must be attractive. The amount is probably average too.
Most likely, either she’s completely passive and boring in bed, or she doesn’t talk much, so the conversation isn’t interesting.
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