I always end up falling for my papas…

As Akari said, you’re a successful papa-katsu participant! That said, you’re lying to men by pretending to be struggling instead of showing them your true self, so you don’t really have the right to fall in love with him. I think what you like is someone who doesn’t realize your lies and is kind enough to keep giving you as much money as you want—not the person himself. What matters to you is probably how much money he’s willing to spend on you. That isn’t truly loving him; I think you just love the money. Why not try telling yourself that? I’m sure you’re just jealous and hate the thought of him spending money on girls other than you. Would you still like that papa (a male supporter) if money were taken out of the picture and he didn’t support you at all? Could you honestly say, “Even if he lost his job and his family, I’d still support him”?

That papa (a male supporter) who gently set you straight sounds like a good person. I hope you’ll treat him well. Personally, I’m happy when the woman I’m seeing likes me, but being loved or having things get too serious crosses the line.

It’s difficult because the right amount of distance varies from person to person. To put it bluntly, you’re using allowance (money) to find people who suit your needs, and if one person isn’t enough, you’re balancing things out with multiple partners. If one person were enough, you’d probably focus on just them, but your partner also has their own preferred distance, so it seems difficult for now. Some people may view a moderate amount of jealousy and possessiveness positively, so I don’t think it’s necessarily true that everyone is better off without any of those feelings at all. Since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think it’s perfectly fine to like someone with their allowance (money) included in the equation. In fact, even if it were marriage, I feel the same way—it’s fine to like someone with money as part of the picture. I just wouldn’t want someone who only likes the money（笑） I wouldn’t stay with someone I didn’t want to spend money on generously. People who earn money aren’t necessarily stupid, but sometimes they do want to spend money recklessly. If you helped them do that, then in your own way, you provided value to the papas you’ve had so far. You may have taken things a little too far, but I don’t think the papas regret spending money on you. And while they were spending it, I think they liked you too. As for my answer, you seem to be quite popular, so I’d say to wait until someone with the right sense of distance for you comes along. Forcing yourself to match someone else’s pace won’t make things last. The fact that so many people get divorced—or choose not to marry in the first place—probably says it all.

As you yourself wrote, you found a papa (a male supporter) who completely believed your lies and was willing to spend a lot of money on you. Isn’t that papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) success? Regardless of your true background, anyone who likes you but can’t spend money on you would be out of the question, since you like men who spend money on you. I think you need to understand that for yourself. Akari

From a man’s perspective, I can understand how he feels. I think he’s completely in “keep-your-distance” mode—like he keeps just outside the range where things might become troublesome, because getting too close would be a hassle. His reluctance is a yellow flag, but the fact that he still meets you means you must be that attractive to him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t go to all that trouble. Now, about your situation: I don’t think you need to suppress your feelings. But you do need to control them. Don’t let them run wild—keep hold of the reins. If everything seems fine, let them run as you wish; if something feels questionable, pull the reins in a little. If you’ve fallen for him, what exactly do you want him to do? He’s already doing quite a lot for you, isn’t he? If he understands that “I have no intention of remarrying, and I absolutely don’t intend to interfere with my papa’s family or work,” then what more are you asking for? If he can’t see that, he’ll become wary. People lie to get what they want. Removing those suspicions one by one is what building trust is about, and I think the same applies to the “romantic relationship” you want. Maybe you simply want him to treat you with a little more care, show you his true feelings, or kiss you when no one’s watching even if you haven’t brushed your teeth. Or maybe you want him to listen without getting annoyed when you keep saying how much you like him, and joke back with something like, “Then how about udon suki at Mimiu tonight? lol” What you’re hoping for may actually be surprisingly small things. For starters, do you actually put your gratitude into words? You should express in words not only what he’s doing for you, but also the feelings behind it that you’ve taken the time to understand—and how much it has helped you. I think that’s extremely important. If you weren’t actually struggling financially but made it look that way and received his support, then you can’t just say, “Thank you for helping me.” You owe him a confession. You should admit that you lied, express your gratitude to the man who still embraced you with an open heart despite that lie, and tell him that’s why you want to throw yourself completely into the relationship—while, of course, assuring him you won’t cause him any trouble. Isn’t that where your next step should begin? I don’t think the direction you want to take is fundamentally wrong. But you can’t get there in just one more step. Women tend to think conveniently because they’re usually the ones receiving, but in reality, you still have several steps to go. It’s important to look a little more closely at what’s in your heart. If you take your time and look at things calmly, I think you’ll be able to see the path ahead. I wish you the best. Good luck. Taro

Loving someone deeply, jealousy, and possessiveness are three different things. Your papa (a male supporter) probably welcomes you saying you adore him, but gets fed up with your jealousy and possessiveness, don’t you think? You might say, “If I love him that much, of course I’m going to be jealous, right?” But that’s not necessarily true. After all, it’s possible to feel jealous of someone you don’t even like. They’re completely different emotions. Understanding that is the first step toward recognizing your own issue. If you keep the jealousy in check and show him only how much you adore him, men won’t run away. You’re like a cat that’s bad at catching mice.