For the men here, how do you feel about the reality that your favorite papa-katsu girls are also seeing other men? Do you just consider it a case of “what’s fair is fair”? They’re almost always seeing multiple people at the same time, right? I’m a bit of a purist, so I’m looking for just one papa...

Seeing multiple people at the same time is unavoidable with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). That said, some people do prefer to see just one person. I once met someone in his 50s who felt that way. Write it in your profile and try accepting a few offers. Then you can choose who suits you best.

I think it goes both ways. I tell them that I’m okay with seeing multiple people, but if they’re only seeing me, I feel I should value that relationship accordingly. That said, I generally have monthly arrangements, so if their allowance isn’t enough and they don’t have any other offers, I sometimes give them advice on how to attract more offers.

I’ve been seeing just one woman since I first joined. When I joined, I thought a lot about what kind of dating style I wanted. I decided I’d see one woman at a time, and once things ended, I’d start looking again. At first, I was already an old guy, so I dealt with offer rejections and suspicions that I was lying about my relationship type. On top of that, I didn’t really know what I was doing either. After my first dinner meeting, we parted ways and exchanged a few emails, only for her to say some completely ridiculous things. In the end, I never broke things off with the first woman I had an adult relationship with. Somehow, we’ve been getting along and continuing this for four years now. When we first started seeing each other, she probably thought there was no way she wasn’t popular. But even when she received offers, she was sometimes turned down, or the men weren’t what she had imagined. In the end, I guess I was the only one left. Maybe it also helped that she didn’t need a particularly large amount of financial support. These days, we’re both seeing only each other—or at least, I think we are. There’s an age gap of more than 40 years, but we get along well（笑） P.S. I didn’t really answer the question, did I?（笑） > How do the men here feel about the reality that their favorite papa-katsu partners are also seeing other men? Do you just see it as mutual? It bothers me, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Women need a backup plan too, after all（笑） Whenever she received an offer, she would say, “I got an offer. Is it okay if I meet him?” I’ve also asked her afterward how it went. She said it was dinner only（笑） I have no idea whether that was true（笑） Once our relationship had become stable, we had several discussions. She would make requests, and there was even a time when she double-charged me for transportation by asking for taxi fare on the way home. Then, sometime after we’d been seeing each other for six months, her profile suddenly disappeared. When I asked the club, they told me she had withdrawn. I suppose it was basically, “Fine, you’ll do.”

Many men who insist that a woman be exclusive to them seem to be dating multiple women themselves, so women often say, “Wait, why?” Even so, it seems that women tend to put up with it, thinking, “I guess that’s just how men are,” despite finding it strange. > I’m very particular about cleanliness. I don’t think that’s really the case. Someone who was truly that particular probably wouldn’t be able to look for a papa in the first place. I think you’re probably the type who believes it’s less risky to date just one man, as is generally recommended. A lot of women think that way. However, since one papa generally doesn’t provide that much money, it seems that many women end up dating multiple men. If one man gave you around ¥500,000 a month, dating just one might be enough—but men like that don’t seem easy to find. That said, there apparently are some remarkable men out there. I’ve only heard one story of someone casually offering ¥500,000 a month from the first meeting. He must be an ultra-rare find, so I think the chances of meeting someone like that are practically zero.

I’ll say it plainly—it does bother me, lol. That said, I’m not going to press the issue or ask for anything. Out of sight, out of mind! Though that’s not quite right either, lol. I wish I could reach a point where this didn’t bother me, but I’m still too naive. That’s just how it is when you’re a Kill Bill Osaka, lol.

Is it normal to see multiple people at the same time?? I thought I wanted to focus on just one person too, but I just can’t get deeply invested… (´；ω；｀) Maybe I should write in my profile, “Looking for a man who can sweep me off my feet!”… I’m sure there are men who feel the same way too~ (*ᴗˬᴗ) Probably!

I don’t think anything of it. If you limit yourself to just one person, you’ll naturally expect more from them, which probably makes finding the right person difficult. I realized that I wasn’t likely to find someone who could fulfill all my needs, so I’m seeing multiple people. Likewise, I don’t expect to be perfect for any one partner, so I think it’s only natural that I’m one of several people they’re seeing. I’m mildly particular about cleanliness myself, so during my interview when I joined, I said, “I think I’ll only date one person.” Later, the staff member who interviewed me teased me, saying, “I never imagined that someone who said that would end up enjoying a dating club this much.” (笑)

To catch the attention of men who are looking for just one partner, I think it would be a good idea to mention in your profile that you’d like to date only one person and would prefer someone who feels the same way. There are advantages—or rather, reasons—for seeing multiple people too, but everyone has their own way of thinking. Marika

Women’s minds and bodies can be at odds. A girl who was convinced she could only be with one man may end up having sex with all kinds of young strangers at a sex club. Conversely, a girl who thought, “I’ll have adult relationships with lots of papas and earn money for tuition,” may discover that, when it comes down to it, she can only be with one man—whether he’s a boyfriend or a papa. The person we believe we must be, or think we ought to be, can be very different from who we really are. So even if that’s how the questioner feels right now, they may be a completely different person six months from now. I’m a good example. In my twenties, I firmly believed that my now-ex-wife was the only woman I needed, and that she would be the only one for the rest of my life. I thought people who dated multiple partners were morally impure, so I had never even visited a hostess club or anything like that. It’s not simply a matter of “we’re all the same.” I came to understand that there are all kinds of people, and that even I’m not unchanging. I think that made me more accepting of both others and myself. P.S. In the end, I don’t think the real issue is whether having multiple partners is right or wrong. It’s about how you face each individual person and how well you treat them. That’s the key. So even if a girl is seeing other papas or a boyfriend, I don’t mind as long as she’s honest and sincere with me.

> I’m practically being forced to continue supporting her even after she gets married, lol. → Why? Wouldn’t it be enough to part ways cleanly at that point? P.S. I see. So rather than being forced, you actually like her a lot. If it were Sakura Endo, I’d pay 1,000 per meeting too. In fact, I’d feel so unworthy that I’d want her to let me prostrate myself in front of her for about an hour. I also limit it to just a few people. Ideally, I’d narrow it down to one and meet someone who makes me want to get married. Just yesterday, I was talking with a married housekeeper about whether I should give her 100 million yen in cash upfront if she ever agreed to marry me again.

Do you know Gian’s famous line: “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine”? *The exact wording is, “Even what’s mine is mine.”* A typical papa (a male supporter) tells his PJ, “I should be your only papa,” while secretly seeing multiple PJs himself. That’s basically standard practice. At first, I also told women, “You’re the only PJ I’m seeing,” but lately I’ve found it too much hassle, so I tell them upfront that I’m seeing multiple people. I even encourage the women to date multiple papas, advise them on how to win over other papas, and recommend joining other dating clubs. Having a PJ whose only papa is me is just too much responsibility—it’s exhausting. Having an ace is genuinely a lot to handle. I’m practically being pressured to keep supporting her even after I get married, lol. > Why? Couldn’t you just use that opportunity to end things cleanly? She’s declared that she’ll come see me even if I get married—or even have children. Maybe that’s one of the downsides of giving such a high allowance. That said, both PJs and the married female respondents here do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), don’t they? Married women are normally off-limits, but I feel my ace is the one exception. We’ve overcome so many things together. Even if I don’t love her that deeply as a woman, I have very strong feelings of affection for her. Also, quite simply, she’s unbelievably cute—so cute that I couldn’t really refuse her, lol. In Seattle-san’s terms, she’s like an idol you’d gladly pay 10 million yen per pay-per-meeting. One more important thing: my ace properly pays her gift tax, so I can trust her as a person, and it gives me tremendous peace of mind.

Basically, I think most people are looking for—or want to find—one special favorite partner for a long-term arrangement. For that to work, you need to build a relationship where neither of you is likely to cut things off or be cut off. In other words, while it doesn’t have to be marriage, it needs to go beyond the minimum level of a romantic relationship. This isn’t about romantic feelings, but about trust—a relationship where neither person worries about breaking up or drifting apart. With a boyfriend or girlfriend, things might end fairly quickly. It also can’t be sustained by one person’s feelings alone; it depends on mutual trust. Even when both people want to reach that point, it’s quite rare for things like the allowance and how often you meet to line up perfectly with both sides’ wishes. That’s why people often date multiple partners to fulfill their goals and preferences, while trying to find the better—or best—match among them. But this can easily turn into nothing more than avoiding risk, taking you further away from finding the best partner. If you’re unable to make a judgment or decision, that cycle is likely to continue. Still, if you think the way you do, I believe there’s a chance you’ll eventually meet a man whose feelings match yours. It may take some time, but I think you’ll meet him sooner or later. Whether it’s compatibility or something else, he’ll probably be someone you feel able to take a chance on—or someone you can genuinely trust. At the same time, he’ll need to be extremely taken with you. Men can receive ten offers in three days, after all. But I believe there are also men who, precisely because they’ve met so many women, can recognize when someone is irresistibly wonderful and truly the best match for them. Mutual feelings are by no means impossible, and I think that’s part of what dating clubs are there for. > He has even said that he’ll come see me even if I get married—or even have children. That really does sound like it might happen… A senior acquaintance of mine in his seventies had a woman I introduced him to about twenty years ago. She still sends him photos of her children after getting married, and when he was recently hospitalized, she came all the way from Fukui to Osaka to visit him in his hospital room while his wife wasn’t there. He’s completely different from me in terms of type. He has such an intimidating presence that people move aside when they see his face. I remember how, back then, he took two women away from a singles’ party and treated them to teppanyaki at the Nikko, just the three of them. Later, in addition to large group mixers, I nostalgically remember going on two separate 2-on-2 dates and long drives with him, for some reason because he was older than me… P.S. > I’m looking for one papa (a male supporter)… If you want to find a papa like that, I think it’ll be extremely difficult if you continue seeing multiple partners or only meeting someone once or twice a month. The reason is that the chances of gradually increasing how often you meet someone and eventually making him your one papa are quite low from that starting point. It’s fine to accept lots of offers and continue seeing multiple men. But whether you do that or not, if you get the feeling that someone could be a good papa—and possibly become your one main partner—I think it’s important to start meeting him more frequently from the beginning. Especially if he also wants to focus on one person, or something close to that. Within the first week or two, or at least at an early stage, it’s best to value that feeling that things might develop as you hope, take time to see whether you click, and act accordingly.