I’m a messi, assi, and sexi—being looked down on by both my daughter and the club girls, bossed around however they please with just two-syllable words, like a paper airplane that can go anywhere, anytime, with massages included and money on top.
On yesterday’s show “Gobugobu,” Hitomi Kuroki was asked about her beauty routine and replied, “I don’t do anything.” I’m sure she answered that way because she’s an actress, but…
The ideal in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is also to stay natural and not force anything. Can you build a relationship where you can handle your papa (a male supporter) with ease, without overdoing it?
I think that’s extremely important when it comes to compatibility.
I get played by the club girls, get played by my daughter too, and enjoy being led around like a servant. Wait… is that strange?
No, no. Getting played endlessly is part of a papa’s role too. I want to be handled by a woman while still properly keeping control on my end—and playing my own part in handling her as well. That’s the kind of relationship I’d like.
With younger women, their emotions can be dozens or even hundreds of times more expressive than a papa’s. Sometimes they’re having fun, sometimes anxious or surprised, sometimes sulking or angry. Enjoying all those changes in their emotions is part of the fun, so if they’re constantly putting on an act, it gets boring.
In the men’s esthetics industry, therapists often describe the typical clueless guy as someone who has countless conversations where the woman can only give a response that sounds like praise—because she can’t disagree with him.
Apparently, he ends up giving those same kinds of replies over and over, almost every time. But papa-katsu isn’t a job, so if it’s that painful, you don’t have to force yourself to continue.
P.S.
I was also worried that, as my daughter grew up, she might start finding me annoying. She does look down on me, but apparently all her friends say, “The person I hate most in the world is my dad.” She once asked, “Is our family weird because we’re not like that?” So even amid her blunt treatment of me, I felt a little relieved—and a little happy.
Having a daughter close by has been very useful for understanding papa-katsu too. Well, since we’re close in age, her way of thinking and her instincts are probably similar to those of the club girls. Her reactions are really similar as well.
And I feel that if you can’t become close to the woman in your own family, it would be quite difficult to build a close papa-katsu relationship.
I don’t think a woman can enjoy a stress-free, healing, and fun papa-katsu relationship unless the papa is someone his daughter can also feel close to. I imagine the same applies if he isn’t someone his wife can feel close to either. It’s impossible to treat only the club girls specially; your true self is probably always showing.
Female member Potassium here.
I feel like I probably know almost everything about my papa’s family situation. It’s not that I asked directly—I just came to learn about it naturally over time. That said, I don’t feel uncomfortable about it at all.
Sometimes I do feel inferior when he talks about his daughter, but that’s simply the consequence of not having worked hard enough in the past, so I accept it as something I brought on myself.
I may be the type of person who, if my papa or someone I’m getting to know is willing to share, wants to understand what experiences shaped their personality and way of thinking.
It’s not as though knowing these things leads to anything in particular, but I can learn new ways of thinking. And when you’re seeing someone for a long time, understanding them deeply can help you know what makes them happy or angry.
So, as long as we stay within each other’s boundaries, I want our relationship to be enjoyable for both of us, and I have no problem getting to know those things about them.
If someone doesn’t think that deeply and simply takes the approach of doing whatever is generally considered pleasing, I can adapt. But I don’t find that kind of person very interesting, so I probably wouldn’t stay involved with them for long.
Life is more enjoyable when you can have a positive, mutually happy influence on each other.
That’s just my personal opinion.
I think it’s simply good manners for both sides not to pry into each other’s private lives, but if someone asks me, I’ll answer. I just don’t ask.
Also, there are people who voluntarily use this anonymous question box to read and answer posts, then get hurt and throw a fit over someone else’s opinions. I honestly can’t understand them at all.
Those same people are usually the ones who attack others without hesitation. Don’t they have a mirror at home?
As for family-related topics, I think people should bring them up if they want to, and avoid them if they don’t.
Of course, some people will say that you need to be considerate because comments like that may hurt someone—and that’s absolutely true. But if you restrict yourself to saying and doing only things that could never hurt anyone, you’ll end up like former Prime Minister Kishida.
If someone gets hurt, it means someone else has been helped. Conversely, there’s no opinion that hurts absolutely everyone. Plenty of people have been helped by Paper Airplane-san’s and Seattle-san’s family-related posts.
But the people who were helped don’t say, “You really helped me (T_T).” Only the people who were hurt come charging in, eyes blazing, demanding that everyone consider other people’s feelings as if they’d accomplished some great feat.
I can’t help thinking, “How self-centered can you be?” If they weren’t self-centered, they’d want people to say, “That’s a wonderful way of thinking,” when they share a good opinion. But perhaps their minds are just too narrow for that—it’s an impossible game for them.
More than 2,000 years ago, the philosopher Plato warned that democracy taken too far would turn into mob rule and eventually collapse. That’s exactly what Japan is like now. It’s no wonder we can’t beat China. China may go too far in its own way, but Japan as a whole is sick right now.
Making even small children wear masks and giving them vaccines that haven’t been properly tested goes beyond abnormal—it’s madness. Japan is apparently the only country in the world recommending vaccination for children, and the number of countries banning vaccinations for children is growing every day.
You can’t do anything without constantly watching the people around you and checking their reactions. Is that really an enjoyable way to live?
Is a world where no one gets hurt the ultimate ideal? What?
If that’s what you want, just watch the painfully boring comedy shows they make these days.
I loved Takeshi’s Castle, and Downtown’s Gottsu A E Kanji was the best. But I suppose we can never go back to those days—as long as you (I’m not talking about the person who asked the question) keep choosing to get offended.
It could be a way of guarding against catching serious feelings, or he may simply lack tact or have nothing else to talk about.
Marika
You’re probably someone your partner feels comfortable and safe with.
The fact that they don’t like hearing you talk about other people may just be a little jealousy.
Since you listen so pleasantly, perhaps he ends up talking without thinking.
If you’d rather not hear it, try hugging him from behind and saying with a cute pout, “Come on, hearing things like that makes me sad, so please stop.”
What you wrote about your daughter is absolutely spot-on, just as Mac described.
My own daughter has an academic deviation score of 50, and since PJ-san is so smart, I have nothing but respect for her.
My biological daughter has lived far away since her divorce, so I haven’t seen her in a long time. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about my daughter so much. I’ll reflect on that.
P.S.
I’m also still very close with my biological daughter. We don’t see each other, but she uses me on LINE as a substitute for Yahoo! Chiebukuro.
I think that man probably just has nothing to talk about with you.
He wants to message you on LINE, but he doesn’t seem interested in talking about work, and the only thing he has to share about his daily life is his family—so he’s just sending you photos of things he’s done with them. He probably isn’t thinking anything of it. In a way, he seems pretty innocent.
So for now, I think it’s enough to gently draw the line with something cute like, “I get jealous, so don’t talk about your family, okay? ♡”
Personally, the more I like a papa (a male supporter), the more I want him to talk about his family. I’m secretly grinning like Ryuk from *DEATH NOTE*, thinking, “He’s such a good father, yet he gets all worked up over me—what a double life… I feel so bad for his wife and kids. Humans are fascinating!”
That said, I think people like me are pretty rare, so men are probably better off avoiding family-related topics in general.
Considering that similar questions have come up in the Q&A box before, I find myself wondering:
Why do men talk about things like that?
Maybe they’re not very good at considering the other person’s feelings.
I think you should try telling him directly that you don’t like those kinds of conversations.
> I try hard to respond in a way that sounds like I’m complimenting him.
If he feels complimented, he’ll probably bring it up again. Rather than that, I think it would be better to gently make it clear that you’re not comfortable with that topic.
I’ve heard that when girls are told stories about a papa’s daughter who’s around their age, they often feel miserable thinking, “She gets to live happily just because she was born into his family, while I only get paid after being his sex partner.”
Some girls apparently don’t mind seeing a photo of his wife, but feel uncomfortable when young children are in the picture. It makes them think, “Maybe I’m the one who could end up destroying this family.”
I’ve never really heard anyone say they were jealous of the wife, though.
Considering the risk of being sued for damages, seeing what kind of person the wife is could provide useful information, so if he’s willing to show you even just a photo, that’s probably better than nothing.
But come to think of it, sending family photos is basically him saying, “You’re dating a married man.” If his wife found that message history, she’d probably be furious. How about explaining that and telling him not to send anything at all, as a way to avoid unnecessary risk?
Something like: “When you send me photos like this, if your wife ever finds out, it could look like I knowingly had an affair with you, which might make her resent me even more. So I’d rather you didn’t send them.”
I often see people like Kamihikoki and Seattle write about their daughters in their little rants, but I wonder what’s going through their minds. Do women around their daughters’ age feel something like, “I’m jealous that she gets to live so confidently—I wish my own daughter would learn from her”?
Even if their daughters are complete disappointments, they’re still living happily just because they won the parent lottery. It only highlights the gap in social hierarchy, so I’m not a big fan of it, lol. The more they complain, the more counterproductive it becomes—they’re just spreading sadness throughout the papa-katsu community.
I don’t bring it up myself.
I’ve answered when asked in the past, but I’ve hardly ever been asked.
On the other hand, girls often talk to me about their past relationships with men, complaints about work, or other men in their lives, so I make sure to listen properly. I listen to them talk about their boyfriends and their other papas, too.
I might get jealous if I weren’t their number one, but so far, nothing any of the girls I’m seeing has said has ever made me feel inferior to someone else, so I haven’t felt that way.
Why not be honest and tell him how you feel?
Just be careful how you phrase it—say that hearing too much about it makes the excitement fade. Since it’s a cute reason, he might stop.
I don’t talk about my own family either. Like you, I feel a little put off when I’m asked about it.
Maybe the problem is that you’re simply complimenting him?
If something similar happens again, I think it’s okay to be honest and say, “This is hard to say, but actually, it kind of bothers me…”
Rather than saying, “You don’t like hearing me talk about it!” try something like, “I get jealous too♡”
