Nice to meet you. I’m a female member in my 40s who always reads this site.

He probably told everyone else it would be ¥10,000 all-inclusive, got turned down by everyone, and then came to you, didn’t he? Before long, he’ll probably ask to see you without any allowance. “Oh, of course, I’m planning to go without protection.” I wouldn’t date someone like that—I wouldn’t want to feel so humiliated. If you’re okay with that, go ahead.

I think you should simply be honest about how you feel. From your message, it’s clear that you don’t want to meet him without an allowance—or for an allowance of just ¥10,000. If that’s the case, you could just ask: “What are your thoughts on the allowance?” If the amount he suggests is lower than what you’re looking for, you can politely decline. I’m not sure what he misunderstood, but it sounds like he was looking for women who would agree to meet without an allowance, or for just ¥10,000, as if this were a dating site. There are women on dating sites and apps who are okay with that. Maybe he left the dating club because it didn’t work out for him, or perhaps he was forcibly removed after receiving too many negative reviews from women. That’s what it sounds like to me.

It may be a great offer, but I’m surprised there are men who expect everything included for terms of 1… If you’re looking for an arrangement with an allowance, why not say, “Thank you for the invitation. However, I’m looking for an arrangement that includes an allowance”? I feel it would be rude to tell a woman from the club upfront that you don’t have any money.

It’s completely understandable—and not wrong at all—to feel that having sex without an allowance is unacceptable from a standpoint of pride. That said, no matter how low the allowance is, please don’t have sex unless you can get at least 3. Regardless of his reasons, it’s obvious that this man’s maximum allowance is 1, so at this point, it should be an automatic no. Even 2 feels pretty low, doesn’t it? You can get 2 even at a men’s esthetic salon. Honestly, I’d like to say the minimum should be 5, but in reality, the median allowance at Universe is 5. So if he won’t pay the minimum of 3, please make it an automatic no. I want you to protect your pride as a woman.

It seems like you already have plenty of answers, but since you took the time to write such a detailed post, I imagine you’d like to hear a variety of perspectives, so I’ll try to answer from a slightly different angle. First, regarding the man’s level of interest, I don’t think it was particularly high. His first offer came a month after you registered, right? Unless he had only recently joined, he would have seen all the new profiles. That means it took him a month to decide whether to contact you. If he had been unconditionally interested, he would have made an offer right away. If not, there was probably some reason for the delay. Next, what happened after he made the first offer. Canceling because unexpected work came up is understandable, but waiting another three months is far too long. Was he really busy that entire time? If work had only come up that one day, I think he would have rescheduled for the following week or so. When a woman I had made an offer to told me she worked in sales and couldn’t meet because she was busy with the year-end rush, I contacted her again as soon as things settled down in mid-January. That seems normal to me. I can’t understand leaving a gap of three months. As for his impression after meeting you, I think he probably felt that you were “a hit.” You mentioned a cake set, so I assume it was during the day. Hitting it off and kissing all over the place is hardly ordinary. From the man’s perspective, that must have felt like hitting the jackpot—a huge success. Then you told him it would be difficult because you were on your period, and he probably thought, “Well, that can’t be helped.” After that, the next date was postponed because of the pet issue. It’s understandable that you’re suspicious. Some women really do postpone plans for reasons like that when they’re undecided. During the six months before he contacted you again, I’m sure he made offers to several other women. Maybe none of them worked out. So I think he tried contacting you again because you had been a particularly successful match for him. Since men pay an annual membership fee and renew every year, when he said he had “left,” I assume he meant he didn’t renew his membership. Otherwise, it was simply a lie. Writing something like “1, all-inclusive” in a profile is abnormal—or rather, it violates the rules. You’re not allowed to list your terms in your profile. Setting that aside, though, I think the man probably felt that since he had stated his terms clearly and you were willing to meet him anyway, those terms were acceptable. The same likely applies to his claim that he had left the club: he may think that because he’s no longer a member, he can get everything for free. That’s my take on the man’s feelings. The question now is what you want to do. In every aspect of life, things are rarely arranged exactly to suit you. If you want something, you need to assert yourself, and if the terms don’t work for you, it’s also important to have the courage to walk away. I think that’s simply part of living. The fact that you received an offer is proof that you have appeal. And if you felt he was a good person, I think it’s wonderful that you were willing to honestly explain your situation to him. The length of your question also shows how seriously you’ve been thinking about this. People like that often lack confidence, but don’t worry. You’re attractive, and you’ll definitely find someone good. So don’t hold back unnecessarily—trust yourself and make your decisions one at a time. Wishing you the best. Taro

> Do you think that man assumes I’m free—or that I’ll accept 10,000 yen—because I’m in my 40s and don’t get many offers? That’s probably what he thinks, haha. You could try saying, “Could you give me a little more—around 50,000 yen?” If you put it modestly, I think he’ll offer whatever he can. When someone offers too little, it’s ultimately up to you.

If a female friend came to you saying she was being pursued by a man who kept using “I don’t have any money” as an excuse, what would you tell her? Forgive me for saying so, but I don’t get the impression that this man is very sincere. If he really wanted to pursue her, I feel there are better ways to show that he cares about her. If he doesn’t have money, then he should think of ways to make a woman happy without it. As things stand, you’re not happy about this at all, and you’re not looking forward to it either, are you? You must be beautiful enough to pass the interview, so try not to put yourself down. Just be honest with yourself and ask, “Do I really want to go to a hotel with this person for less than 10,000 yen?”

So, since you’ve already received an offer from a man who clearly stated “¥10,000,” the important thing is whether that ¥10,000 is actually there or not, right? Wouldn’t this be settled by confirming it on LINE? lol Am I missing something?

If he has already left the club, perhaps this isn’t papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but simply a matter of whether you want to see him. Maybe he had already contacted several people and didn’t get a positive response, so he reached out to you. Or perhaps you were the first person who came to mind because of your kindness. There’s no way to know for sure, so if he’s someone you’d want to meet even without going through the club, why not meet him? If you can’t consider it without an allowance and feel that 10,000 yen is too little, you can simply tell him that. You could say something like, “If you’re short on money while you’re studying, maybe you’ll return to the club once you’ve saved up. If you do, please contact me!” There’s no need to put yourself down. Why not be honest with your feelings? Ultimately, I think it comes down to what you’re looking for in a man.

Up to that point, I felt the man was being sincere. But since he’s no longer a member of the club, I feel it would be difficult to resolve things if anything went wrong. So if I were meeting him for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I wouldn’t go (´・ω・｀) I don’t want to get involved in any trouble… If I were okay with being friends with benefits, or if I felt comfortable with his request for 10,000 yen, then I might go (´・ω・｀) I guess it depends on my relationship with him and how I’m feeling at the moment…

If you want to have sex with that man, don’t overcomplicate things—you can do it for free. If you feel you can’t do it without money, then just turn him down. Worrying that he’s looking down on you because you’re in your 40s is just needless negativity, almost resentment. It’s better to let go of those feelings. P.S. It’s not that I don’t understand how you feel. You want to have sex, but first and foremost, you want him to recognize your worth as a woman and treat you with care, right? If money isn’t involved, you at least want it to come from genuine feelings for you. But that makes things far too complicated. You can dress up those feelings in beautiful words and write them out as eloquently as you like, but it’s meaningless. That’s why I often tell women: “Look at the wildflowers.” For men, it’s simply, “Look in the mirror.” lol P.S. 2 Women have a tendency to put makeup on their sex drive too—with pride, money, and all that.

I wouldn’t say he’s only after sex, but considering that a man in his late 40s is making an offer to a woman in her 40s, he probably assumes she’ll be fine with a low allowance. If you’d be unhappy receiving nothing, you should honestly ask about the allowance. That said, bringing it up over LINE might cause things to fizzle out naturally. If you’d be okay with receiving even ¥10,000, I think it would be best to meet him in person first and then directly say that, if you’re going to have an adult relationship (intimate), you’d like to receive at least some allowance.