・I started taking lessons, and he accused me of using them as an excuse to reduce how often I saw him, so we ended things
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・After I had new photos taken for the club, he said I must be looking for other men, and ended things with me right away
・He gave me ¥3,000 for transportation on our first date and nothing for transportation on subsequent dinner-only dates, yet he still invites me out again
・The allowance I received was less than what we had agreed on, so when I gently pointed it out, he became hostile and we ended things
This is what keeps happening, and I haven’t been able to find a man I can continue seeing regularly through a dating club.
I feel that the problem may lie with me, but I don’t know specifically what I should do to maintain a relationship.
I realize it may be difficult to answer based on so little information, but I’d really appreciate any advice.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
>・I was told that starting a new hobby was just an excuse to reduce how often I saw him, so we ended things.
I think you’ve realized that some men can be like that. Going forward, it may be best not to mention it even if you start taking lessons or classes.
>・After I had my profile photos retaken at the club, he accused me of looking for other men, and ended things immediately.
This is something I hear about often as well. When you first contact the club, tell the staff something like:
“Please hide all the men I’ve dated in the past.”
Then, after each date, ask them to hide that man as well.
That way, the men won’t be able to see your profile, so they won’t know whether you’ve had your photos retaken.
>・I received ¥3,000 for transportation on the first date, and nothing for transportation on subsequent dinner dates, but he still keeps asking me out.
The club’s rules set transportation reimbursement for the first meeting at ¥5,000–¥10,000. Tell the club that you only received ¥3,000. They’ll confirm it with him.
As for the second date onward, this can happen if you don’t discuss the terms in advance—for example, saying, “I’d like an allowance of ¥10,000 for dinner only.” Even if it feels awkward, I think it’s better to ask, “How much will the allowance be?”
>・The allowance I received was less than what we had agreed on, and when I gently pointed it out, he blew up, so we ended things.
I’m not sure what he said when he blew up, but could there have been some misunderstanding?
For example, did you agree on an allowance of ¥50,000 in addition to ¥10,000 for dinner, but only receive ¥50,000 in total?
It may be better to clarify the terms clearly so there’s no room for misunderstanding.
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What I was thinking is, isn’t your allowance rather high overall? I wondered whether you might be a relatively expensive and difficult partner for men to maintain a relationship with.
As you already know, dating clubs expect a very high level of companionship. They’re also places where male members continue looking for better partners by offering an allowance.
That means you’re constantly being compared with other women at the club. Unless a papa (a male supporter) can look at the other options and still think, “I’d rather be with her,” the relationship probably won’t continue.
Also, while you’re seeing someone, I think it’s best to discuss things like starting lessons or having new photos taken with your papa beforehand.
And if you read through this Q&A carefully, you’ll probably find that most relationships are only about checking compatibility. I don’t think you’re the only one whose relationships haven’t continued.
As Aya also mentioned, unless the nature of the relationship expands and evolves, it’s difficult to maintain a long-term arrangement.
Please give it a try when you get your next opportunity.
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Since you seem to be getting offers, I’ll only address the points related to your approach and attitude.
・Lessons and reshooting your photos
I think you should have given him a heads-up and taken precautions beforehand. For lessons, you could say things like, “Thanks to you, I’m able to attend,” or “I want to become someone worthy of you.”
If you’re having your photos taken again, you absolutely should hide your profile beforehand. If he still finds out because someone he knows tells him, you could say, “The staff asked me to…” Since it doesn’t actually cause anyone harm, I think this is one of those cases where a little white lie is acceptable.
・Transportation expenses for the first date
This violates the club’s rules, so please report it to the staff. Just think, “So that’s what kind of person he is,” let it go, and look forward to the next one.
・Receiving less allowance than promised
If this happened on a second or subsequent date, you’ll need to handle things tactfully, but I think the timing of bringing it up is important. You could say something cute like, “Can you add it to the next one? ♡” or, “Did I do something wrong…? (sad face)”
Even if it was promised, I definitely don’t think it’s good to give off the impression that you’re entitled to receive it.
I hope you meet someone wonderful next time!
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・After I started taking lessons, he accused me of using them as an excuse to cut down on the number of times I saw him, so we ended things.
☆He sounds like a male emotional wreck·····
・After I had new photos taken for my club profile, he accused me of looking for other men, and we ended things right away.
☆I was told the same thing recently, and then he stopped messaging me on LINE.
・He gave me 3,000 yen for transportation on our first date, but nothing for transportation on subsequent dinner dates—and still keeps asking me out.
☆He’s breaking the rules, so please report him to the staff.
・The allowance I received was less than we had agreed on, so when I gently pointed it out, he flew into a rage and we ended things.
☆Do you know why he got angry?
He deliberately gave you less, I’m sure. You probably wouldn’t have seen him again anyway. This should also be reported to the staff.
It’s not exactly something to be happy about when all these strange men get counted as members, is it?
To be honest, I’ve had similar experiences too·····
For now, report him and ask them to share the information across all branches so no one else is harmed.
It’s good to have more men joining, but I wish they wouldn’t approve men like the ones on that app.
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Some women seem to meet nothing but good papas, while others have the complete opposite experience.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you’ll be able to enjoy a fulfilling, happy papa-katsu experience.
Sometimes, people are happier living a normal, straightforward life without ever knowing about papa-katsu. You don’t have to force yourself into it.
There must be somewhere out there where each person can truly thrive.
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Reading this, it felt like they were just making excuses to end things with you… The reason doesn’t really matter, so I don’t think you need to worry about it.
As for how to handle things going forward:
- I started taking lessons to improve myself, not to reduce the time I spend with you.
- If you take new photos, ask them to hide anyone you’re seeing. If you’re going to continue, that’s best for both of you.
- On first dates, say, “The club told me to confirm this,” and make sure to clarify the terms.
- Likewise, confirm the allowance you’re supposed to receive on the spot from now on.
→ Make sure you receive the agreed-upon allowance.
It really made me realize that there are some awful people out there, but sometimes you also need to be firm and say what you want.
You should even be assertive enough about things like transportation expenses that the club would have no choice but to report it.
You may not feel encouraged until you meet someone wonderful, but I’m sure there are plenty of gentlemanly men out there, so don’t give up!
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The top two are emotionally unstable papas, and the bottom two are cheap papas.
It’s all about the papa lottery, so sooner or later, someone good will come along. As long as you’re still getting offers, you’re fine.
I know several popular girls who received around 20–30 offers after signing up, but when I catch up with them after a while, the reality is usually something like:
- They only have one papa.
- They quit papa-katsu because they couldn’t find anyone decent.
What this ultimately means, I think, is that a PJ needs to be able to cultivate and develop her papas.
The distance that feels comfortable for a PJ and the distance that feels comfortable for a papa can be completely different, after all.
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I don’t think taking up a new hobby will end the relationship unless you try to reduce how often you meet.
I get the feeling the problem may be that the men don’t take you seriously and that you’re letting things drift in a romantic direction. If you can conduct yourself as an independent adult, I think you’ll have fewer problems.
Also, if the transportation allowance was only 3,000 yen, you should report it to the club immediately.
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