When seeing someone through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), should you confirm that you both intend to officially (?) date if you’re compatible? For male members, is moving to an arrangement such as a monthly arrangement really the turning point? From the woman’s perspective, would having that kind of confirmation make her feel more reassured or happy?
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The following is just an unrelated aside, so feel free to skip it.
About a month ago, I asked here whether I should tell my partner that it was my first offer. Thank you very much for your advice at the time. Thanks to you, I think it went well for a first attempt.
Despite the advice to book a private room, the private rooms were full at the restaurant near the hotel I had reserved, so we ended up at a regular table. When she got up to use the restroom, I took the rather bold (?) step of handing her a letter. She wryly remarked that it was her first time receiving one that way, but she agreed to the arrangement. If a friend came to me for advice, I’d probably tell him not to do it because it would come across as creepy, but your advice to let myself embrace that sense of freshness gave me the push I needed.
Whether for better or worse, I think I made an impression. But the effect of such a roundabout approach will wear off quickly, so I’m going to keep doing my best to remain one of her papa supporters.
We’ll be meeting for the second time soon.
The question box has been getting rather heated lately, and this post may be deleted if it’s treated as more of an opinion than a question. If so, that’s fine.
I simply wanted to let you know that there are people who have received proper answers to their questions and found them helpful in making things work. Thank you.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
I didn’t explicitly confirm our intentions with each other either.
We’ve continued seeing each other and letting the relationship develop naturally.
I think whether it’s pay-per-meeting or a monthly arrangement depends on the woman’s preference as well.
I still do pay-per-meeting.
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What do you mean by “officially”?
Are you confirming your intentions? For example, ¥〇〇 for an adult relationship (intimate), and ¥〇〇 for dinner?
Or perhaps… do you mean dating without an allowance?
This is a dating club, so I don’t think an arrangement without an allowance is appropriate.
The question is how much the woman actually likes you:
Does she like the money, or does she like you personally?
Which do you think it is?
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I don’t think there’s really anything “official” about it, so if you’ve already made plans to meet again, I’d say you’re probably fine.
Since it’s not a monthly arrangement or any kind of contract, it can sometimes end abruptly after that day.
Actions matter more than words.
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With my monthly arrangement, we’ve talked about continuing to see each other, saying things like, “Let’s keep meeting from now on.” But with the others, even when things continue, I don’t really confirm their intentions about that.
To make a woman feel reassured and become someone special to her, it might be best to always use condoms and offer a generous allowance.
If she seems worried about whether you’ll continue seeing her, I think it’s a good idea to let her know that you intend to keep things going.
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Now that my questions aren’t getting deleted anymore, I feel like answering again.
In papa-katsu, there’s no better term than “seeing each other” or “dating,” so we’re forced to use words like that. But from the woman’s perspective, seeing a papa is strictly part of papa-katsu—nothing more and nothing less. So there’s no need to confirm her feelings, and the moment you do, she’ll label you “a troublesome papa.” It’s best not to ask.
The key to succeeding as a papa is becoming more “convenient” for her than the other papas. In other words, be a papa who’s convenient from her perspective: don’t use heavy words like “relationship,” keep both the date and intimate time relatively short, offer slightly more allowance than the other papas, and see her at least three times a month.
If you keep that up, you can become her favorite. There’s even a chance she may genuinely come to like you.
The key is maintaining an appropriate distance. The only papas who can get close to a woman and still become close to her are clean, attractive older men who are good in bed and offer decent allowance. Trying to mutually confirm that you’re in a relationship is completely misguided, so you should absolutely avoid it.
If you maintain the right amount of distance, women will naturally come to you.
Today, one of my monthly arrangement partners even asked me to marry her. Normally, we keep enough distance that we barely contact each other.
But I think I’m simply a convenient papa for her. I always stick to the three-hour date limit, give her an allowance of 120,000 yen on a pay-per-meeting basis, and don’t ask for anything unusual. I don’t pry into her private life either—I keep my distance.
That’s how things are, but she often kisses me not only during our intimate time, but also during pillow talk.
She’s extremely popular and constantly gets hit on by all kinds of men, yet none of them can satisfy her. Meanwhile, I’m the one she’s asking to marry, even though I keep my distance. That’s just how it is.
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As long as you’ve agreed on the allowance and can smoothly arrange your next meeting, I think the relationship will naturally continue.
You don’t need to overthink it. That’s one of the good things about a dating club.
From time to time, just let them know that you value them as your partner from the dating club.
Marika
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> If you want to remain one of her regular papas,
then you should go see her and give her a bigger allowance—no, I mean… go see her face.
Try to meet her three times in quick succession, every other day. If that’s not possible, meet her several days in a row with just a short gap between visits…
That way, you won’t just be one of the group—you can become her main papa. You may even make her less inclined to see other papas.
But you have to make sure she doesn’t get bored with you.
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I don’t think you need to make any particular declaration, but I do think it’s important to appreciate people who do make their feelings clear♪
Since this will only be your second time meeting, it might still be a little early to say for sure, don’t you think? ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝
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If a man comes on too strong, he may come across as “too much” or “seriously falling for her.” It also increases the risk of being taken advantage of by the woman.
So even if you feel you’re a great match, it’s better not to say things like “let’s officially be a couple.” Even without putting it into words, there will likely come a time when you both start to feel secure with each other. But that takes time—just like with a romantic relationship.
Specifically, if you’ve been consistently affectionate and happy together for over a year, you might consider a monthly arrangement.
That said, I became monthly with one papa after only our third meeting. After that, out of gratitude toward him, I gradually stepped up what I offered (?) and we became very affectionate with each other, so there are exceptions.
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