How should I respond to a man who asks, “Would you still see me if I didn’t have any money?”

“It’s a bit odd to answer a question with another question, but would you still see me if I became ill and was no longer able to have sex?” …One-second pause… “Because that’s about just as nonsensical a question. (smiles)” Try saying that. —Marika

He sounds like a very stressful papa (a male supporter). If she were okay with dating without an allowance in the first place, she wouldn’t have joined a dating club. Personally, I wouldn’t date someone who puts his own feelings first without understanding hers. If she has plenty of other papas, I’d end things with him. It would be different if he were someone she’d be willing to marry without receiving an allowance, though.

Fortunately, it sounds like you have several other papa (male supporters) in monthly arrangements, so I think it might be better to end this relationship. If he truly gets divorced and you would be willing to marry him afterward, then perhaps you could continue seeing him. If not, though, staying involved with someone who wants that would be extremely risky. (I don’t mean this literally, but it gives off the impression of marriage fraud.) If all you want is for him to stop asking every time so you can leave earlier, why not turn the question back on him and say: “Why do you say the same thing every time? Are you worried?” “I like you so much, but you’re going to make me start disliking you.”

You should probably break things off, though. No matter how you act, men like him will interpret everything in whatever way suits them. If you can learn not to let it bother you, you could just humor him as a man who’s completely misunderstanding everything. No matter how you respond—even if you reject or deny him outright—he’ll interpret it as the exact opposite, in the most self-serving way possible (almost enough to make you burst out laughing). Once you get used to it, he can actually be pretty easy to handle. Men like this will casually ask the same questions over and over—questions that make you think, “Why are you asking me something this stupid?”—even when all you can honestly answer is “Yeah.” You don’t have to take them seriously. Whether you agree, disagree, dodge the question, or don’t answer at all, he’s already convinced himself of whatever he wants to believe from the start, so no response or attitude of yours will change anything. If you’ve met him that many times, there must be someone else who can make sense of the whole thing, so you might as well turn it into a hilarious story and have a good laugh over it. The more outrageous his misunderstandings are, the longer you’ll be laughing until your stomach hurts. If you’d like, I’m always happy to listen.

> I’d like it to be a relationship where I support her because she’s struggling financially. It can be hard to tell how much of that is really true. For example, say she wants to buy a new bag because her old one has worn out, but she can’t afford it and is having a hard time. Since she can still use the old one, though, someone might simply say, “Then you’re not really struggling,” and end the conversation there. “Struggling” is pretty abstract. For example, people receiving public assistance are supported by the government so they can maintain a minimum standard of living that is healthy and culturally dignified. So someone might decide that they aren’t struggling financially—but then the question becomes, “Is that the kind of situation you mean?” In that case, I think it would be reasonable to say something like: “I’d like to understand what you mean by helping me when I’m in need, rather than this being purely financial. Even if I continue receiving an allowance on a pay-per-meeting basis for now, could we clarify what kind of support you have in mind later on?” You could even test the waters by saying, “I’m having trouble because I don’t have a car. Could you buy me a Bugatti Veyron?” If you don’t actually want a car like that and would feel more troubled than happy if you received one, perhaps a watch would be more suitable? Maybe ask whether he would buy you something like a Patek Philippe or an Audemars Piguet. I think it’s perfectly normal to feel nervous about receiving something extremely expensive. Still, it seems worth finding out what he actually has in mind. If you would be comfortable receiving gifts instead of an allowance, then that kind of relationship could work too. However, if it isn’t a financial arrangement, there’s also a possibility that he could become a stalker when you try to end things. So you might say, “It wouldn’t be fair until you get divorced, so I’d like to receive an allowance on a pay-per-meeting basis for now. We can discuss what happens after that,” and continue seeing him under those terms. > The time I’m expected to stay eventually turns into an argument, and he won’t let me leave until around 1 a.m. every time. It’s physically exhausting. I think it would be fine to tell him something like: “From now on, I’d like us to agree to part ways by 11 p.m. If that’s difficult, I don’t think I’ll be able to continue meeting you.” If that leads to the end of the relationship, then unfortunately, that’s how it is. Even if he’s a good person overall, I don’t think you should continue seeing him if it means putting yourself through so much strain. > It seems like the person I’m being offered to and I keep overlapping. Apparently, even in Tokyo, there are women who keep being offered to the same men. There was one man who would ask the women he was offered to for that man’s club name, and then say, “If the person who made the offer is [name], I’m passing on this offer.” I heard that things didn’t seem to work out well with the women after that man’s offers, so I wondered whether perhaps his allowance was simply too high. I guess it’s also possible for people to have overlapping preferences.

From what I’ve seen, women who have multiple partners usually cut off anyone who seems particularly stressful or risky pretty quickly. Men who’ve become seriously emotionally invested and are thinking about marriage may suddenly turn on them, feeling betrayed if the woman turns down the idea of marriage. One woman was even confronted at work by a man shouting, “〇〇〇〇, the woman who does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)!” I think risk management is important.

I have a feeling this could lead to trouble… (>_<) If he ends up getting divorced, it would be scary if he started saying things like, “I left my wife so I could marry you—now take responsibility!” (´；ω；｀) If it were me, I’d avoid the risk!

Since having money is part of who I am, I don’t understand why you’d ask whether I’d still see you if you didn’t have any. This seems likely to get complicated, so I think it’s best to end things.

I thought this was a planted post about me. My answer is: end things with him. You’re better off saying goodbye to such a high-maintenance papa. Especially if you’re a highly sought-after woman with more than ten other papas. I honestly don’t understand why you’re even hesitating. A good papa is one who causes you no stress—including when it comes to money—so you should end things with someone this stressful. A guy who keeps bringing up getting intimate in papa-katsu is a potential person to avoid. Your papa isn’t just a potential one—he’s the real deal. I’m the male equivalent of your papa. I’m always seeing more than ten partners, and my allowance works out to a minimum of 10 on a pay-per-meeting basis, averaging around 15. In the past, more than five women have asked me to see them “even without money,” and I ended things with every one of them. The reason I gave was, “There’s no future in this.” Same reason as yours, right? Even if I seriously dated someone, I’d be taking away several far-too-valuable years of her life without offering anything beneficial in return, especially if she’s hoping to get married. So while I’m incredibly flattered, I turn them down. I get absolutely zero enjoyment out of thinking, “Woohoo, free sex!” I want to enjoy things cleanly, with no lingering complications, so I absolutely want to give them money.

Do you really live a life where you meet someone practically every day…? Are you making a living through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?! Isn’t it painful to keep seeing a papa (a male supporter) even when you’re forcing yourself to? If you genuinely like him as a person and don’t want to break up, then why not continue seeing him without complaining and without an allowance? If you can’t do that, then I think you don’t actually like him as a person—you just want the allowance.