I’d like some advice.
I’ve met several times with the papa (a male supporter) who first reached out to me.
At the beginning, he did say, “If I give you a lump sum, you might run off, so I can’t pay you all at once,” but after we had met a few times,
he told me, “If anything ever comes up financially, you can rely on me.”
Since I had a lot going on, I took him up on that offer.
Then he told me,
“I’d like to take a break from seeing each other for a while.”
I thought, “Wait, that’s not what we discussed,” so I’m asking for advice here.
Did I rely on him too much?
Was I being too selfish?
I think he was simply a papa who lied about everything.
> “I can’t pay your allowance all at once because you might run away.”
What that really means is: he doesn’t have enough money to pay it all at once.
The part about you running away was just an excuse.
Of course, there are papa-katsu supporters who have actually been burned by someone running off with their money. But those papas are kind, so if they knew their partner was genuinely struggling, I think they would still provide a reasonable amount of help. They get deceived because they’re kind, which is completely different from a lying papa who never intended to pay in the first place.
> He told me, “If anything ever happens financially, you can count on me.”
That was just empty talk. I think “you can count on me” really meant “for things other than money.” He simply wasn’t the kind of person who would help someone financially when they were in trouble.
There are people in this world who are good with words. From now on, I think you should learn to recognize that kind of person properly.
Even if you had continued seeing this person for more than a year, I think he still would have refused to pay for anything beyond your allowance.
His mindset was probably, “I’m already helping you through the allowance, aren’t I?”
Of course, since he was helping through the allowance, I don’t think his view was necessarily wrong. It’s a rational way of thinking.
But it’s different from the kind of help you were hoping for.
So I think you should carefully determine whether someone is the type of person who will help you when you’re in trouble before continuing to see them.
Conversely, when your male partner is having a hard time, I hope you’ll approach the relationship with the mindset that you’re willing to help him with anything other than money.
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I’m back!
I think you’re right, just as everyone else has said.
“Rely on me” may have been some kind of test from that man—or perhaps you crossed a boundary.
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I think you relied on him too much.
If there were two women with the same qualities as you—one who didn’t depend on him financially and one who did, men would naturally prefer and become more interested in the former. That’s just how it is.
You might be thinking, “Huh?” but that’s basically what papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is like. In the end, it’s a world where women who try not to be too greedy often end up receiving the most money.
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There are two possible reasons:
You said it happened “after meeting a few times,” but you may have asked for help too soon.
They ask you for favors, but don’t seem genuinely grateful for them.
It could be one or the other—or both.
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I think I relied on him too much.
After only seeing someone a few times, I feel it’s presumptuous to expect a large amount of money.
That said, I don’t think in terms of him running off without paying. I just assume that’s the kind of woman she was.
It’s the same as telling yourself to consider the money you lent as a gift.
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> “I can’t pay the allowance all at once because she might take it and disappear.”
Thinking this way means he’s extremely cautious because he’s never had good experiences with women.
In other words, he’s stingy and has absolutely no confidence.
He may also be highly suspicious, wondering whether he’s being used or deceived.
Someone who gives the money all at once does so without mentioning it beforehand. That’s because it’s meant to be a surprise—and they’re willing to give it even if she were to disappear afterward. Though, in reality, she doesn’t.
That man has never done anything like that, and he’s simply not capable of doing it.
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Maybe it was simply a difference in how much each of you thought it was okay to rely on the other?
That said, if he genuinely meant, “You can rely on me financially,” I don’t think he would have started by saying, “I might disappear on you.”
You’d want to become the kind of woman he’d feel was worth supporting even if she ran off with the money, right? (Though of course, I’d never do that.)
I can’t really say without knowing what exactly you asked for, but if it was around three times your usual pay-per-meeting allowance, I’d say that’s probably within reason, assuming you meet three times a month…
But if you’re talking several million yen or more, I’d say that’s crazy.
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