I’m seeing a woman, but she previously told me she wasn’t seeing anyone else. However, when I hear that she had dinner at a restaurant with friends or met up with male friends, I start worrying that she may have another papa.
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I want to ask again whether she has another papa, but how should I bring it up without upsetting her?
I’m the type of person who wants to devote myself to one woman, so I’m not thinking of finding another woman to see just to take my mind off it.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe male member
Unfortunately, expecting someone in an exclusive dating club to limit themselves to just one person is asking a bit much.
Could it be that, calling it a date, you only ever go to hotels together? You’re serious about her, aren’t you? Do you go on drives or play golf together?
People who only go to hotels are mistaking this for a sex service. If that’s all she is to you—a casual playmate—you shouldn’t be telling her to limit herself to just one person.
If you still feel insecure even after doing all that, why not propose marriage?
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I don’t really understand—what exactly is considered unacceptable?
Is it male friends ○, boyfriend ×, papa ×?
Or is a boyfriend okay?
If a boyfriend is okay, then it feels like a papa should be okay too.
Am I the only one who thinks they’re basically the same?
If you try to restrict someone that much in papa-katsu, they’ll probably end up disliking you.
I don’t think there’s any way to ask about it without making the other person uncomfortable, though…
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Since this is a dating club, I think you shouldn’t overthink it—just ask her directly.
The women you date will talk more openly than you might expect. A while back, one of them casually said, “I got an offer—would it be okay if I went to meet him?” Afterward, when I asked how it went, she said, “Maybe Date-san is better?” (That was the part I wanted to emphasize most, haha.)
Just date with confidence in yourself. Things will work out somehow, haha.
Oh, and I only have one dating partner, and I tell her that too. Just the other day, she messaged me, “It makes me so happy that you’ve continued to choose only me all this time.”
There’s a 40-plus-year age gap between us, but we’ve been together for four years now. So I thought, “Ah, so that really was the case after all,” and it gave me even more confidence in how I handle these relationships, haha.
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I don’t think there’s anything you can say to a papa who’s worried there might be someone else.
Even someone who’s relaxed and says, “It’s fine if you’re seeing multiple people—tell me anything,” might say it, or might not.
Marika
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Why do you feel anxious about whether she has other papas?
To begin with, I don’t really understand why asking her would make you feel reassured.
If she says, “I don’t have any other papas,” does that mean it would actually be okay if she did?
You can’t even tell whether her answer is the truth or a lie, so asking doesn’t really serve any purpose.
If asking has no real meaning, I think it’s better not to ask. Unless she says otherwise, things remain as they’ve always been.
Her not saying anything doesn’t necessarily mean she has no other papas.
Whether that’s true or not doesn’t really matter. What matters is that, for you, she is currently in a situation where she has no other papas.
Rather than worrying about things like that, I think you should place more importance on the relationship you’re currently enjoying.
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I think the best way to ask without—or at least with less chance of—offending her depends on the woman, your relationship, and, more broadly, your usual dynamic with her.
That said, I think the quickest path to your own happiness is to date a woman who, like you, wants to keep things exclusive with one partner.
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You want to cherish just one person and have her feel the same way about you, right? (*^^*)
Given that the presence of other papas keeps showing up, maybe she isn’t the kind of woman you’re looking for after all~ (´・ω・`)
Personally, I’m of the opinion that having male friends just isn’t really a thing. When I get together with my girlfriends for a girls’ night, we might go somewhere nice to eat, though ♪
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I can’t think of any foolproof way to confirm it.
Since this is a dating club, she probably has a certain allowance in mind. I sometimes bring it up casually during the first meeting, depending on how the conversation goes, so it might be worth talking about that.
If the issue can be resolved with the allowance, then settle it that way. If she’s asking for more than your budget can handle, though, your only option is probably to look for someone else. Everyone has different expectations, but unless your budget is extremely limited, you should be able to find someone whose terms work for you.
Also, if she’s been upfront about meeting male friends and told you from the beginning that there’s no one else, I think you should trust her. Getting anxious just because she’s having dinner with friends or male friends is pretty pathetic—you should be a little more relaxed.
If you’re offering a low allowance or taking her on lackluster dates and still insisting that she not have another papa, that’s honestly kind of pathetic. If that’s not the case, then relax and carry yourself with a little more confidence.
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First, you need her to see you that way.
If you’re always available whenever she wants to meet, she’ll eventually get tired of dealing with her other papas and stop seeing them. Unless that happens, it’s going to be pretty difficult.
If you want to devote yourself to her, you have to be willing to give her your time 24/7.
Today, I’m driving an hour to pick up a woman who made a reverse offer and take her to a place near my home, just to spend 1.2 hours together. My nickname is supposedly “servant.” Well, even if it were only three minutes, I’d still spend several hours going back and forth just to see her. Am I Ultraman or something?
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Don’t ask anything. I think it’s best to pretend you don’t know.
As long as you met through a dating club, I think seeing multiple people is just something you have to accept.
Even if you want to devote yourself to one woman, she may not feel the same way. If you can make her completely satisfied with just your support, then she may choose to see only you.
If it really bothers you, why not ask whether your allowance is enough for her?
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