Thanks to everyone’s help, I’ve started long-term arrangements with two Type B women.
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However, now that the arrangements have actually begun, I often end up feeling down after our dates—perhaps because my expectations are too high each time.
For example, I feel discouraged when she doesn’t seem to be having much fun, tries to leave early, takes a long time to reply on LINE, doesn’t make much effort to work out our schedules, or otherwise seems distant.
In my case, I travel from the countryside to meet them, so we don’t get to see each other very often. That may be why the sense of loss is even greater when I’m disappointed with how a date goes.
I understand that this is a transactional relationship and that these things can’t always be helped, but what kind of mindset would allow me to enjoy these arrangements more?
Rather than blunt criticism or a lecture, I’d be grateful to hear about your experiences and advice as veterans.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Universe male member
1. Increase the allowance.
2. Increase the date budget and make a proper plan.
(Have dinner at a nice restaurant, choose a stylish hotel, and think through all the arrangements carefully.)
Doing both ① and ② will raise expectations even further, but before long, you’ll start enjoying yourself too. Of course, money is central to the arrangement, but if you think of it as dating, earning more to spend on her and properly planning your dates seem like perfectly normal things to do.
I enjoy it when I do this.
The girl may sometimes act in the ways you listed, but if someone repeatedly behaves like that, it’s better to end things and look for another good match.
I hope you enjoy yourself too.
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The best way to solve the poster’s problem is to increase the allowance.
But since I don’t want to do that, I focus on making the woman enjoy herself as much as possible.
Prepare good food and drinks.
Improve my skills in bed and do things other men can’t.
I don’t take up her time with LINE messages, and I don’t really mind if she’s late for a date.
Make the date enjoyable enough that she tells you she had a great time.
If you can’t do that, then—putting it bluntly—the easiest option is to offer a high allowance so she’ll want to see you.
If you offer a high allowance (pay-per-meeting from ¥100,000), plenty of women will want an arrangement with you as long as you meet the basic standards: being reasonably clean, not doing anything painful during intimacy, and not being a lecturing old man.
If she treats you in a way that makes you unhappy, just say, “Maybe I’ll start seeing someone else,” and she’ll make more of an effort to play her part.
It may sound obvious, but don’t you think an arrangement won’t work unless you set yourself apart from other men?
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Your expectations may simply be too high. I’d suggest lowering them a little.
That said, it would be good if you and the woman you’re seeing could agree on the point where each of you feels, “This is probably good enough for me.” In other words, whether she actually needs you, and what you yourself are willing to compromise on.
Since everyone in the club is on a fairly high level, finding that point of compromise can be difficult too.
In my case, I date with the mindset of, “Well, I guess this is about what I can expect,” and then the women I’m seeing start to change over time. It’s been quite a learning experience.
You still seem fairly young, so I think you should take the opportunity to learn as much as you can.
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Those women probably just aren’t genuinely interested.
It occurred to me that you might want to make more offers and look for someone who feels like a better fit for you.
I don’t think you can develop a deeper relationship with someone who’s only spending time with you reluctantly. Perhaps you’re being too particular about the women’s appearance, so it might be worth reassessing your criteria for making offers.
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People coming in from outside the area often give very specific dates, and even if they ask you to work around them, sometimes it’s simply not possible. I wonder whether they’re making an effort to accommodate the woman’s schedule as well.
I can’t say whether the date would actually be enjoyable since we haven’t gone on one, but it does seem like they’re not particularly enthusiastic about it.
I’m not sure whether more effort could make it work, or whether pressing the issue would just lead to, “Actually, it’s not possible after all”…
Marika
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You’re not cut out for dating clubs. Either quit, or put in the effort to work on and improve yourself…
If the person receiving money isn’t even enjoying it, that’s really saying something.
You’d understand if you were the one receiving the money—or being treated.
Be grateful that there’s a wonderful woman by your side who needs you, your allowance, and the fact that you’re the one giving it to her; who appreciates it and enjoys it; and who makes you feel the kind of happiness men can experience in absolute paradise.
You’re not putting your heart into it…
You should be thinking about how to exceed your partner’s expectations—not your own—whether you’re at the club or outside of it…
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If you think that giving her money makes you superior, or that she should naturally accommodate you, that’s probably the cause.
Even in this question, you wrote, “Not a dismissive opinion or a lecture,” but that already reveals something about your attitude. It comes across as though you feel entitled to reject any answer you don’t like.
You probably show the same attitude when you’re on dates with women.
First, I think you should approach it with the mindset that she’s a kind woman who continues to spend time with you even though you’re giving her an allowance.
Your feelings show in your attitude.
Even after giving her an allowance, you should feel that it still isn’t enough. If you consistently consider the woman’s feelings when you go on dates with that mindset, you’ll finally be meeting the bare minimum—at least in your case.
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Everyone finds satisfaction in different ways, but even in a relationship based on an allowance, I believe that if you treat a woman with sincerity and make yourself a partner who suits her needs, most women will respond in kind.
Of course, her values, personality, and your compatibility all play a role. So if you feel you’re not getting much out of it, you’d be better off looking for someone you’re more compatible with.
A dating club is a place for relationships, but I think one of its great advantages is that you can meet different people and look for someone you truly click with.
I think it’s a mistake to try to maintain a long-term relationship with a woman who doesn’t give you much of a sense of satisfaction.
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I’m back~ I’m so hungry I almost started eating the cat’s kibble. I’m a total mess~
Wouldn’t that make her not such a great woman…?
That said, if she’s beautiful or exactly your type, maybe it could still work for you.
I’d be really hurt too if she seemed annoyed, tried to leave early, or treated me coldly.
I’m sure there are women who are kind-hearted and genuinely enjoy spending time together (>_<)
Have you considered looking around a little longer? ( ˙꒳˙ )???
Trying a letter date to see if you’re compatible might be a good idea♪
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