I’m seeing a woman in an adult relationship (intimate), and she doesn’t allow kissing.
Are there many women who feel that while they may allow physical intimacy, kissing is still off-limits emotionally?
Perhaps because of her day job, she seems particularly concerned about sexually transmitted infections.
So I understand that deep kissing, involving mucous-membrane contact, may be out of the question for her.
I also pay close attention to oral hygiene, including bad breath.
To reassure her, I’ve even taken an STI test and shared the results with her.
We have a pay-per-meeting arrangement, and she continues to meet with me repeatedly. She’s also willing to accommodate some of my requests. But kissing is off-limits.
Sorry for the long preamble, but here’s my question.
Even when she’s reasonably into it, I find my mood really drops if we don’t kiss during intimacy. Could anyone advise me on how I might get her to allow kissing?
For reference, her allowance is 50,000 yen per meeting.
Judging from what I’ve seen on this forum, I assume that’s probably around average.
If possible, I’d appreciate advice beyond simply suggesting that I increase the allowance. And if raising it is the only option, I’d be grateful for advice on how to negotiate it tactfully.
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> She seems particularly sensitive about STIs, perhaps because of her day job.
If you know the reason, wouldn’t it be best to simply accept it as it is?
If you want to kiss her, just choose someone whose job allows her to kiss without any concerns.
If she wouldn’t be comfortable with it regardless of her work, then the issue lies with you.
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I’ve never dated a woman who wouldn’t allow kissing.
I’m not interested in dating someone I’d have to persuade to let me kiss her.
If you’re spending less than ¥20,000 at an adult entertainment establishment, that’s fine, though…
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I’ve never been turned down for a kiss in my life—not just in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—so I can’t really say from experience, but besides oral care, are you also taking care of things like an oily face or an unkempt beard?
I do skincare and hair removal, at least to some extent. I also pay attention to my hair and body odor. Besides bad breath, I feel there are a lot of other important factors when it comes to creating the right mood.
Of course, I think the atmosphere and timing themselves are important too.
Also, I feel that negotiating for a higher allowance would ruin things, so I increase it naturally. If she points out that it’s gone up, I just say, “Thanks for everything,” without giving any particular reason. Naturally, I don’t negotiate either.
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Even if they’re okay with going further, there are quite a lot of girls who absolutely hate kissing!
It may not be that she dislikes you—it could simply be that she doesn’t like kissing(´･ ･`)
Makeo-san! Are you there?
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I understand how you feel, but if she’s uncomfortable with it, it probably won’t work.
Instead of kissing, if things get heated and you feel like kissing her, how about licking her nipples?
If you absolutely have to kiss, look for another woman who’s okay with kissing.
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If it’s to prevent sexually transmitted infections, cunnilingus is off the table too.
Since she’s already said she doesn’t want to kiss, forcing the issue will probably mean the end of the relationship. If you feel that strongly about it, you should either offer a higher allowance or look for someone else.
From the way your question reads, it feels like the relationship is hanging by a thread.
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I bet Makeotoko will chime in with a long-winded critique. I wonder if he’s retired.
I probably won’t go all out until the woman makes the first move. It’s no fun when she’s only doing it reluctantly.
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In the adult entertainment industry, kissing is generally off-limits, so she probably has that kind of mindset.
It has nothing to do with the allowance amount.
Since this is a dating club, you should end things and move on to someone else.
It’s fine if she doesn’t want to kiss, but if you’re looking to enjoy a relationship, someone treating it like a job with strict no-goes isn’t a good fit.
Paper Airplane
Also, you should assume that almost 100% of men in their 40s and older have pretty bad breath. You might even say that sometimes not even their partners will tell them. If you’re going to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think getting your breath checked by a dentist who specializes in bad breath is the bare minimum.
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If someone doesn’t like kissing, they probably won’t kiss their papa-katsu papa, no matter how close they become.
And being emotionally close doesn’t necessarily mean kissing.
If you want to treat her well, don’t pressure her. I think it’s wiser to find a woman who’s comfortable kissing you.
Akari
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I don’t really have a preference.
I only kiss women who give me a sign that they want to be kissed.
I think feelings and kissing are separate things. I’m not someone who naturally feels like kissing, so I believe there are people who want to kiss and people who don’t.
Since it comes down to personal preference, I recommend dating women who give you signs that they want to be kissed. I think preferences are ultimately just a matter of taste.
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I don’t think she feels ready to kiss you yet.
Once you get closer, she may start kissing you when you ask, “How about a kiss?” She probably just isn’t in the mood to kiss yet. You’ve only recently met, so take things slowly and don’t rush her!
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I don’t really understand why someone would be okay with intimacy but refuse to kiss.
If she’s that concerned about infections, wouldn’t she just stick to dinner only (no intimacy)?
Maybe there’s a difference between taking care of your breath and oral hygiene and what women actually feel. I think both men and women should naturally be considerate of those things.
Just because you’re paying doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. If that woman doesn’t like being kissed, I think you should see someone who is comfortable with kissing instead.
Looking at the posts here, there seem to be people who don’t even worry about bad breath, so I get the impression that you’re a clean and well-groomed man. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who’s a better match.
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She’s said she doesn’t like kissing, so you should stop thinking about how to get her to allow it.
You could ask whether she might agree if you doubled the allowance, but even then, she’d probably only be doing it reluctantly. Wouldn’t it bother you too, knowing you had to pay extra just to get her to kiss you?
Since you mentioned taking good care of your oral hygiene, I’ll assume there aren’t any issues with bad breath or cleanliness. With someone else, kissing during intimacy may come naturally.
Ultimately, it’s up to you what qualities you prioritize when choosing a partner.
Marika
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