There was someone who liked me after we met a few times, but our terms didn’t match, so I brought it up and we parted ways.
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It’s only been a little over a month, but I’ve started missing him and regretting ending things, so I’m thinking about contacting him again.
Without bringing up the terms,
if someone you’d parted ways with contacted you again,
would it make you want to meet her again?
What’s done is done.
If you’re willing to reach out once, even if it’s not what you really want or you might be played by the other person, then I think it’s worth a try. Terms are always negotiable—but don’t forget that if you approach the negotiation from a weaker position, the other person will have a huge advantage.
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It depends on what you said when you ended things.
If you didn’t tell him the real reason and said things like:
- You’d gotten busy
- You were thinking of quitting papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)
- You’d gotten a boyfriend
then it wouldn’t seem strange to come back later saying:
- You’re not busy anymore
- You thought about quitting, but it was harder than expected
- You got a boyfriend, but things didn’t work out and you broke up
That said, he may have already found someone new, so I think it also depends on how much he liked you.
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If you were the one who ended things because your terms didn’t match, saying you want to meet again means you’re willing to accept the terms the man offered, doesn’t it?
So why contact him again without mentioning the terms? Or do you simply want to go out for dinner without an allowance? If so, you could just tell him that. If he doesn’t have anyone else he prefers, he might agree to meet you.
You could send something like, “I regret ending things, and I’d like to see you again.” But I think that implies, “I’ll accept your terms,” so you should think carefully about whether you’re really okay with that before sending it.
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It depends on the person, so I think it’s worth reaching out for now.
I’ve had someone contact me after we parted ways, and we ended up meeting again. Unfortunately, I had found someone else I liked during that time, so the terms stayed the same, but we gradually drifted apart.
Again, it depends on the other person, but you should consider that they may be seeing multiple people. If they’re someone you might regret losing, I’d suggest keeping them as an option instead of cutting things off abruptly like this time.
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I wouldn’t contact him because I’d hate for him to think I was short on money and couldn’t find anyone better. But if you want to see him badly enough to put that pride aside, I think you should reach out.
Whether he’ll actually want to see you again is questionable, though.
Marika
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I think it’s best to keep it simple and just let him know that you want to see him.
You didn’t end things in a way that would make him think, “I never want to see her again,” did you?
Personally, unless I saw absolutely no benefit in meeting, I’d seriously consider it if someone told me they wanted to see me. Don’t write too much on LINE, and try not to make it sound heavy. I think it’s better not to give him any reason in advance to decide he doesn’t want to see you.
If you resume the relationship, be prepared for the terms to be the same as before.
But what will you do if he comes back with even less favorable terms?
Anyone who tries to take advantage of their position isn’t a good papa (a male supporter) for you, so I don’t think you should agree. But make the decision in a way you won’t regret.
—It’s me
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Aren’t you worried he might just be trying to use you as a temporary papa?
Even if you turn him down once and you somehow end up dating him, be careful. If you find a new papa later and decide to cut ties with your previous papa, he may become quite persistent.
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If you feel the man’s terms are acceptable, I think it’s worth reaching out to him.
That said, he may assume your current arrangement isn’t going well, so you can’t rule out the possibility that he’ll try to negotiate your allowance down even further.
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You could just message him on LINE with something like, “Hey, it’s been a while. How have you been?” If he replies, that’s a good sign. You could then say, “I’m sorry things were awkward back then, but I was hoping we might be able to see each other again,” and that might reopen the connection.
Even if he doesn’t reply, that’s all it is. Just tell yourself, “Well, these things happen,” and you won’t get hurt. So go for it—if you don’t make a move, you’ve already lost by default.
I don’t think any man dislikes hearing from a woman. There are plenty of troublesome women out there, but you’re still just the beginning of that spectrum—in sumo terms, you’re like a bout at around 4:30 p.m. There’s absolutely no need to worry. Since there’s no real harm, just go in thinking, “Let’s see if I can annoy him once,” haha.
Taro
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No, that won’t happen.
To begin with, girls don’t usually initiate the conversation and end things themselves. Since she did exactly that, there’s no way it’ll work out.
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