I’m Taro, a male member.
If a man says, “I’ll help you out when you’re in trouble,” while you’re still at the dinner-only stage, then surely he’s implying that intimacy is expected in return. I’d like women to understand that kind of subtle communication properly and act accordingly.
You may think, “So he just wants to sleep with her,” but that’s not really it. First of all, the honest truth is that every man wants to be intimate with an attractive woman. The difference between a good man and an ordinary one is how smoothly and tactfully he handles that desire. This man understands that even if they meet several times for dinner only, things won’t progress beyond that. But saying, “I’m paying, so let me sleep with you,” would be far too crude, which is why he phrases it that way. He understands his position and is proposing a compromise. I don’t think he’s a bad guy.
Of course, if you ask whether men would be satisfied if a woman simply ignored her feelings and opened her legs as though she were providing private escort services for money, I think they’d say, “That’s not what I mean.” They know they can’t be like a boyfriend her own age. There may be plenty of awkwardness, but if she feels some affection—or at least closeness—and trusts him enough to do something she wouldn’t easily do with other men, then having her open up that much is what makes him happiest. The intimacy and the allowance are the result, not the objective. Of course I want her to open her legs, but even more than that, I want her to open her heart.
From a woman’s perspective, she should understand all of this and, if she feels it’s still too soon, gently deflect him. If she thinks the time is right, she should create the right atmosphere and move things forward naturally. I’d like her to play that game properly. That’s what being a mature woman is all about.
I’m in my 60s and feeling a little lost.
I’ve been seeing someone for a long time on a dinner-only (no intimacy) basis. Once, they clearly asked me for help, saying they were in a bind, so I agreed.
Well, when there’s trust between you, it’s really no big deal.
I’m Aya, a female member.
When a man says, “I’ll help you if you ever need it,” I think the safest response is to thank him sweetly: “Thank you. Even just knowing you feel that way makes me happy.”
By saying “I’ll help you,” he may simply be the type who wants to elicit gratitude from women. So if you respond with something like, “Could you give me more money?” there’s a good chance he’ll be disappointed and think, “Is she that shallow too?”
I’m Dai, a male member.
Even if he says he’ll help you when you’re in trouble, whether he actually does depends on the man.
I don’t think you should expect too much from someone who only meets you for dinner.
I’m Kaz, a male member.
I’ve never specifically asked whether they’re managing okay, but I do occasionally get messages saying they’re short on money.
I’ve never been asked to increase the allowance for a pay-per-meeting arrangement, but I’m happy to accommodate requests to meet more often because they’re short on cash. That said, all of my dating partners have an adult relationship (intimate) with me. I’m not sure how I’d feel about a dinner-only (no intimacy) arrangement.
