Will a man I’m seeing without an allowance still ask me out? I’ve been seeing a man who has always given me money, but he told me he can’t develop feelings for someone he gives money to. So I told him I wanted to see him because I didn’t need any money, and the other day we agreed to meet without an allowance. At the time, he said, “If you ever start feeling uncomfortable with not receiving money, we can go back to how things were.”
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I’m worried about whether he’ll be the one to ask me out because he wants to see me. Since I’m the one who said I’m okay with not receiving money, should I always be the one to initiate?
I’m a male member who hasn’t had much luck.
This may not directly answer your question, but I’ve never had any good experiences with no allowance.
There have been times when I mistakenly thought no allowance was fine, only to panic and transfer the money later, which left me somewhat traumatized. I’ve also had several women become so seriously attached to me that it became frightening.
The only arrangement that has worked out for me with a woman who prefers no allowance is this:
- An allowance is provided for private-room dates.
- On trips, we have an adult relationship, but no allowance is provided.
This combination is currently working well.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
Since you accepted a man’s proposal to meet without any payment, I assume he’ll feel comfortable asking you out as usual—and he probably won’t turn you down if you’re the one who asks.
That said, I don’t think you’ll be able to go back to a paid arrangement later, even if you want to. Regardless of how he felt at first, people eventually get bored if things continue for a long time. Rather than pay you, he’ll probably just move on to another woman.
In the end, I feel like you’ve simply become a convenient woman for him.
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I’m in Seattle.
Without money, you’ve ended up in a vulnerable position. At this point, you’ll have to be the one to invite him out.
Why not look for someone better who’ll give you an allowance?
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
About three years ago, I said something similar to someone. She’s already married and has had a child—their little one just turned one. Time really flies.
I wonder how things will turn out for you two.
I’m sure all kinds of emotions will come up now that there’s no allowance involved, emotions you didn’t have before. Hang in there.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I think it’s perfectly fine for women to make the first move.
From a man’s perspective, whether he wants to meet you usually has very little to do with whether or not he gives you money.
If giving you money no longer feels meaningful to him, that could mean he’s become fine with not seeing you anymore—in other words, he may not be as eager to meet as he once was.
I think it’s best to assume that a man will invite you when he feels like it.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
If he isn’t asking you out without money, there’s even less chance he’ll ask you out in exchange for money, right?
Since it sounds like you’re interested in this man, I think you should be the one to invite him.
But in the end, to him, you’re probably nothing more than a convenient friends-with-benefits partner.
If he can’t develop feelings for someone he’s giving money to, then I have to wonder why he’s registered with a dating club (or app?) in the first place…
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