A woman I was seeing once asked me to lend her money in advance. It was a fairly substantial amount—well into the tens of thousands—so I felt there was a problem, declined, and ended the relationship.
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In situations like this, I feel the only option is to cut ties. What do you think?
I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
If she’s asking for an advance, she probably sees you as someone she doesn’t really care about and wouldn’t mind losing. In that case, it’s best not to meet her.
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I’m a lost 60-something.
What? Two digits… lol
That was about 20 years ago, I guess…
I met her through an online bulletin board and helped her out with a three-digit amount.
Her profile said she’d been offered a job as a flight attendant—and that was true.
She said she’d definitely pay me back. She repaid part of it in bed, but she did pay me back properly.
What a nostalgic memory… lol
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I’m Dai, a male member.
Since you turned her down and ended things, I don’t think there’s any other way to interpret it.
That said, I’m not sure what you mean by “a considerable amount.”
As others have mentioned, if it was a two-digit amount—say, the minimum of 10—it doesn’t seem all that significant.
One option would be to be intimate once and say, “I’ll give you next time’s allowance in advance.”
Even if she cuts things off after that, it wouldn’t hurt much.
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I’ll answer as Maezawa from the CEO’s office.
When I saw “12 digits?” (over ¥100 billion?), I thought—
Two digits?
Two digits means ¥99 at most, right? I’d lend you ¥99, though.
Actually, that sounds like an amount you wouldn’t need to pay back. (lol)
Anyway, I don’t know whether the unit is thousands of yen, tens of thousands of yen, or US dollars. But judging from the questioner’s financial situation, it sounds like only a six-figure amount in yen would be realistic, so assuming that’s what we’re talking about:
I feel like it ultimately comes down to the level of trust between the two of you.
Of course, there are cases where the man trusts the woman but she doesn’t trust him, and in that situation, the money won’t come back.
It might be a good idea to find out how much she actually trusts you. Some women may repay you physically, and I think that itself shows a certain level of trust. There’s nothing wrong with that kind of relationship either.
If she repays you physically once, you could even forgive the remaining amount and continue giving her an allowance as before. I think that would be a pretty classy arrangement.
Still, a six-figure amount in yen is tough for ordinary people. If you’re an ordinary guy, there’s no need to push yourself—you might be better off finding somewhere else to have fun.
> I feel like the only way to deal with something like this is to cut ties. What do you think?
That’s far too narrow-minded.
You can’t lend her the money, but continuing to see each other was also an option, wasn’t it?
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I don’t think women who ask for an advance on their allowance can be trusted. Even if it means the questioner might dislike them, they still ask—that’s why I could never say something like that to a papa I really care about. I think this is a normal way to feel, so I believe you’re handling the situation just fine.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Isn’t the general approach—or way of thinking—simply to make your own decisions and take responsibility for the results?
You judge someone for yourself, and if it doesn’t work out, you accept that you misjudged them and take responsibility.
When there’s no contract involved, I think that’s the usual way to handle things.
If someone makes that kind of request, cutting ties and avoiding the risk is the obvious, sensible way to avoid getting hurt.
But isn’t there also something to be said for taking a risk, having it blow up, and ending up hating yourself for it? lol
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This is Nana Ayase ☆
I think that’s the right way to handle it.
Someone I used to see told me that he lent a valuable fishing rod to someone who said they were going fishing, and they ran off with it.
Please be careful.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
By “a substantial amount,” you mean a five-figure sum, right?
If a woman I’ve been seeing asks me, I’m happy to do it.
If all it takes is paying in advance to earn her gratitude, it’s a small price to pay.
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