There was some discussion about eating disorders. The girl I’m seeing sometimes stops eating altogether, and it scares me to watch. As she loses weight, her hair also seems to get lighter. Is it really not better for her to eat and get some nutrition, even if she ends up throwing up? Sorry for my ignorance.

The least you can do is give her money without pursuing an adult relationship, right? Heartless words and looks hurt the other person, both mentally and physically, a hundred times more than you realize. If you’re genuinely worried about her, you wouldn’t pursue an adult relationship. Don’t disguise desires you can’t control as concern with cheap words. “Taking care of her” or whatever? Absolutely not. —Akari

I’m Aya, one of the female members. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder myself, but I’m sorry—I read your question and immediately thought, “This is no good.” First, there’s that bizarre possessive attitude of saying you “have” her. And just when I thought you were worried about her illness, you suddenly start bragging about how things get “rough during sex.” If you were genuinely worried about her, you wouldn’t be able to have sex with her at all… When I was severely underweight and anemic, my ex simply stayed by my side without saying much and cooked things I could eat, like salads and low-carb cakes. He never tried to have sex with me. I could’ve vomited blood and died, for all he knew. Maybe the papa-katsu woman wanted to have sex, but that was probably because she wouldn’t get paid if she met you without going to a hotel. Sorry for putting it so harshly. That said, there is one thing you can do for her. And I’m not joking: give her a large lump sum—10 million yen, 20 million, even 50 million—enough to eliminate her worries about the future. I have a basis for saying this: eating disorders are often rooted in vague anxiety, and some people actually recover once they’ve saved enough money. Really. That was the case for me. People with binge-eating disorders may need a lot of money to buy food to binge and purge. Some end up in an endless cycle: they do papa-katsu or something similar, which only increases their stress, and then they binge again. But when those people reach a point where they can always access more money than they could ever spend, they may suddenly think, “Wait, maybe I don’t have to force myself to eat anymore.” And before they know it, they’ve recovered. So if you’re genuinely worried about her, give her more money than she could possibly spend. I started being able to eat again after saving around 30 million yen through papa-katsu and my daytime job. A friend of mine also recovered from bulimia after getting a stable job as a government employee. We’re anxious simply because we’re alive, so we need some kind of stability. That’s why the thing you can do is give her money. I hope you can help your favorite girl recover. Good luck.

I’m Dai, a male member. She’s gone so far with dieting that she can no longer eat properly. She’s not in a state where she can think rationally about things like how unhealthy this is. It would be good if you could take her to a psychosomatic medicine clinic or somewhere similar, but unless you’re prepared to support her with her future in mind as well, it’ll be very difficult. For your own sake, it’s probably best not to get too involved and to look for someone else.

I know someone whose wife passed away from an eating disorder. This isn’t something a complete stranger can casually fix. The most you can do is encourage the person to acknowledge that they have an illness and seek treatment at a hospital. Based on this question, I get the impression that you may be uninformed and uneducated, and might hurt someone by casually saying things without realizing it. I think you should do some research into what eating disorders are by reading a few reliable websites online. Marika Also, this is unrelated to the question, but what exactly do you mean by “a girl who has it”? The fact that you would phrase it that way also makes you seem rather insensitive.

I’m Meg, a female member. It must be painful to watch from the sidelines… I’m also concerned that her hair is getting lighter as she loses weight. She must be feeling extremely anxious. It seems that she’s showing just how unbearably anxious she is. Above all, please do your best to reassure her. It may sound silly, but perhaps you need to approach it as though you’re raising her from the weaning-food stage. I’m not a professional—just the opinion of someone who has raised children. Sorry.